Questios about becoming a man , TRP and Confidence...

wakethfkupneo · 2015-10-09T11:34:51+00:00

What you're describing here is 'impostor syndrome'. Google it! And it's way more common then you'd guess. Even among hard core pros and in every field.

First thing you must accept is that it's perfectly normal. You start at the bottom, start improving yourself and feel the disconnection. Fine, everybody gets the same feeling at one point on their improvement journey.

So, what do I do? That's easy: keep pushing! The river stream is pushing you back, but you swim against it ... and swim and swim. Then one day you suddenly realize that the dreaded feeling is gone, you even seek for it, try to recreate it, but you can't.

Here's Heartiste's article with interesting insight (emphasis mine):

People who claim that game is trickery designed to fool women into thinking the man is alpha, are wrong. Game will actually alter your perception of yourself and create a positive power feedback loop. Game even alters hormone levels.

Finally, there's the famous Amy Cuddy TED talk. You've probably seen it, or not - either way watch it again. Pay attention to the end where she shares story about her own impostor syndrome.

tl;dr suck it up, keep pushing no matter what, you get what you put in and good things await on the other side

magus678 · 2015-10-09T15:01:46+00:00

Some of this info is already pretty good, but if I could give my perspective on it:

There was a post not too long ago on TRP about essentially "faking it till you make it" I think by Whisper. Poke around and you should find it. I think there is a lot of validity to this strategy, and doubly so for the types of personality that tend to live inside their head, which you (and myself) seem to fall into.

Second is, as was already mentioned, impostor syndrome. The truth is that in the way you probably mean it, everyone is an impostor. Almost no one truly knows what they are doing. Everyone is just winging it, and just doing their best not to fuck it all up too spectacularly. So why does it seem like other people, in your context, are comfortable with their sexuality and you are not?

You are actually allocating processor time to examine the question in the first place, while they do not. They are operating on a much more animal/present mechanism than you; it seems much more fluid to you because it in fact IS more fluid, but not because they have it figured out. It is similar to how the foolish can be effortlessly brave, while the perceptive must summon true courage to do the same thing.

I think, by the way, that the above dynamic accounts for a lot of differences between men and women, and why women tend to be bad at introspection, sometimes even reacting violently to even opening that box in the first place. But I digress.

In addition to internalizing the above, I would strongly suggest mindfulness meditation exercises. They have a good history of helping with depression and mood. Essentially, it takes the idea that much of your unhappiness in depression, questioning yourself etc, takes the form of negative thought patterns stuck on a loop. Mindfulness meditation is essentially training you to be able to disrupt that pattern. Note, I didn't say stop, but the distinction is only important once you go down that rabbit hole. For the moment, just commit to those exercises like you do your gym time.

Good luck my friend.

strategos_autokrator · 2015-10-09T09:41:33+00:00

A man is someone that does manly things with a manly vision. Act, and your thoughts will follow.

Do you have manly hobbies and alpha friends? This will help a lot with your inner image. Once you own yourself, you will attract others.

Happiness is not something you deserve. It is something you work for. Stop being passive, the world will not give you any happiness. That is a weak mentality. You become happy by doing stuff that brings you happiness to your life. So just do them. You are 100% responsible for doing those things.

If you arent lifting, well, you won't get anywhere. It increases your testosterone levels, and everything will follow. Cardio is a very inneficient way to lose weight. Count calories. You will see just not drinking that soda is better than half an hour on the threadmill.

Go to /r/fitness, they will help you there. Have clear fitness goals, they will help you there.

minoc_uo · 2015-10-10T02:47:46+00:00

I didnt see anyone else say it, but lifting weight will help your weight loss. It keeps yours muscles working (rebuilding) hours after a workout, eventually burning more total calorie then cardio. You need to be lifting weights dude.

FreelanceTradeCraft · 2015-10-09T18:11:26+00:00

If you want to rebuild self esteem, do the things you admire and esteem in others.

reigorius · 2015-10-10T06:18:06+00:00

Sounds like therapy might help you with part of yourself not allowing the good things of life, like happiness and sex.

Build muscles, fake it till you make it and push yourself out of your comfort zone. Eat healthy, have a tight sleep regime and hygiene, start projecting your longtime desires and goals into achievable smaller daily goals.

As with everything, baby steps at a time.

[deleted] · 2015-10-10T07:14:13+00:00

Thank you guys for all the advice, gave me the push I needed to keep going.

Sepean · 2015-10-10T08:17:24+00:00

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. Aristotle

Don't worry about how you feel. You can't control that. Just keep doing manly things, lifting, holding frame. It will become habit, and then you will become excellent. At that time you will probably feel more manly, but that is no sure thing. I'm doing very well on the manliness, and much of it is internalized but other times I feel like a teenager. I can do a chinup with 100lbs hanging off my waist, but often I still feel small.

Don't worry about your feelings, a lot of the time they are just noise. Like your desire to eat Mars bars, you just have to ignore them and do the right thing.

I have looked into lifting weights and I might start soon , but currently my focus is on cardio because I am still trying to lose weight. Maybe I will reduce my cardio exercise and on my off-days start lifting.

This is wrong. Educate yourself on lifting, and bulking and cutting diets.

Your end goal is lean and muscular. Losing weight without lifting eats muscle, so you're getting further from your goal by not lifting. And cardio does nothing for you fatloss-wise that can't be done easier with diet, and on top cardio tends to burn muscle. Drop the cardio and just lift.

Title	Questios about becoming a man , TRP and Confidence...
Author	larry_
Upvotes	20
Comments	16
Date	October 9, 2015 8:16 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/becomeaman
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/becomeaman/comments/3o2t0z/questios_about_becoming_a_man_trp_and_confidence/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/becomeaman/questios-about-becoming-a-man-trp-and-confidence.137617 https://theredarchive.com/post/137617