TL;DR - Your woman experiences your anger as a threat. This is a result of biology. Any time she sees you frustrated, enraged, or anywhere in between, her amygdala goes crazy, and she goes into crisis mode. In order for her to calm down/accept your frame, you have to be cool and collected first.
Life is not fair. The sooner you can recognize this, the sooner you will be able to build habits of thought that will help you cope with your surroundings in a way that produces outcomes you want. It is not fair that Lebron James is a physical marvel that no amount of lifting and practice will let you equal. If you can not accept this fact, then you will go through life bitter at his billion dollar empire, instead of focusing on what you can do to make your life better.
That's a contrived and easy example, though. This fact of life is more relevantly applied to your relationship with your LTR and society in general. It is not fair that she can raise her voice and even go so far as to hit you without being perceived as a significant threat, whereas mere body language from you sets off all kinds of alarm bells in her and in wider society.
You can act in the exact same manner as your LTR, and it will achieve wildly different outcomes.
The reason for this is rooted in the innate differences in how men and women perceive each other. Essentially, women tend to perceive men as more threatening than the other way around, and this reaction is exaggerated. Thus, we have a society that assumes the man is the abuser, to the point that there are essentially no shelters for male victims of female domestic violence in America. It is well known that women can physically assault men in public without fear of being policed by the crowd, whereas if the man were to physically defend himself, he could go to jail.
The list is endless.
In personal conflict, this means that, when you begin to display anger, she will exaggerate the threat you present to her. Just firming up your tone can be enough to make her label you an outright threat to her bodily safety. This is a pure sympathetic nervous system reaction. She has no practical control over it. When she perceives a threat from you, her amygdala starts to go nuts. This is essentially a one-way street. Your amygdala can send signals to shutdown your prefrontal cortex, but not the other way around.
Your woman will never be able to hear your anger and frustration in its raw form. Ever. I don't care if you're married to fucking Ronda Rousey (okay, she might be an exception). When you start displaying signs of agitation, irritation, and especially rage, the conversation is effectively over, because she perceives that behavior as a threat that must be mitigated.
Remember, for women, context/emotions are everything. There's a reason that your woman is so unfocused on rigorously discussing conflict and equitable standards. It's because that topic literally doesn't matter to her. What matters is that she's upset/uneasy. So, when you get angry, this makes her upset, and every single word out of her mouth will be her trying to communicate that fact.
With another guy, displays of anger can work as a communication tool. I perceive that whatever it is you're talking about is really important to you, and we broker some sort of compromise. You could be outright flipping tables, and if I know you, I could still remain calm and talk to you about the issue.
RP Lessons Will Save You
There is nothing in the RP lexicon that confirms its value better than the fact that it overcomes this issue. Whatever your objective is, the core tenet of maintaining a calm, almost amused appearance in all situations is so fundamental to interacting positively with the women in your life that RP could be wrong on literally every other front (it most definitely isn't), and it'd still be worth wading through the shit to find this gem.
AA, fogging, negative assertion, and negative inquiry are all tools designed to overcome her threat matrix.
How to Internalize Frame
Frame is about two things. One, figuring out what your values/worldview is. When she comes at you with something from two weeks ago that you've already discussed multiple times, what are your boundaries? Is it acceptable for people in your life to treat you this way?
Two, figuring out how to enforce that boundary. In my personal view, until you complete and implement this step, your line in the sand isn't a boundary. It's just mental masturbation.
How do you achieve both of these with your woman? WRITE THEM DOWN.
Get a notebook, and come up with as many scenarios as you can. In every single conflict you have with her, write down what she brings up, figure out your boundary, then figure out how to enforce that boundary in a manner that recognizes that the central issue, from her view, is how she feels about it. Make this a daily habit.
Read WISNIFG. Here's a link to a free PDF version. (You lazy slob) Figure out how to defend your boundaries in a way that does not try to use "I'm angry" as a tool. Every single time you turn to "I'm angry," you lose.
You could be turning her down flat, and if you can make her feel good about it, she'll happily acquiesce, even thank you for it. I promise you this is true. I've had my wife bear hug me when I do this successfully, even though I haven't promised to change my stance one iota for her, and this is a high IQ woman who listens to egalitarian podcasts on an almost daily basis.