~ archived since 2018 ~

Feeling lost and hopeless

December 10, 2021

I don’t know where to go from here. It’s been almost 4 years since I had any type of relationship, casual or serious. I’m in college which should be my prime time to meet people and yet nothing. Tried online dating, over 250 matches in the past 2 months and not a single one actually met up with me. Mostly all of them were average or below average women, and they just don’t bother responding because they have 50 more options to choose from. I’m not an ugly guy, I’m lean, 5,9, decent facial features, good hair and style. I present an image of success and wealth since I get to travel a lot and have a luxury apartment.

The problem is I don’t know how to open my fucking mouth and start talking. I see girls all the time staring at me and giving me blatant IOIs, and I just do nothing and sit on the side and curse myself for missing the opportunity. Can’t even make eye contact back. My game sucks. I can hold conversation pretty well but it’s never flirty or sexual.

I feel so dejected, I know the problem is with me not approaching. And I know the answer is as simple as “start approaching”. I tell myself this everyday and yet I still can’t get over this anxiety. I don’t even know what I’m trying to achieve with this post. Just wanted to vent my frustrations I guess.

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Post Information
Title Feeling lost and hopeless
Author throwaway1575858
Upvotes 6
Comments 14
Date December 10, 2021 4:56 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/newTRP
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/newTRP/feeling-lost-and-hopeless.1095289
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/newTRP/comments/rd0pp8/feeling_lost_and_hopeless/
Red Pill terms in post

[–]IntelligenceLtd 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

It really isnt that deep, what you need to do is get over your own ego and negative self perception (understandable) The sidebar really stresses how you shouldnt have an ego about this and tbh theres nothing more you need than that, if thats not working not try some mantras and CBT but at the heart of it you really just have to realise whatever your situation IT DOES NOT MATTER no sex, doesnt matter, gf left you, doesnt matter, 9 you were talking to flakes at the last miunte, doesnt matter, failed your exam, doesnt matter, why because at the end of the day no ones keeping score and you cant take it with you the ground floor of red pill is right action but the foundation is DGAF, knowing youre the shit (or at least best version of yourself) and fundementally non narsisstic self love, your focus on what extrinsic qualities you have is that facial features wealth etc because all that matters is frame and frame is appreciation of all the other beautiful artworks in the gallery but theres only one youre gona hang on your home and thats yours. I get it it feels shit, thats inevitable you cant help it but youll find that over time youll start to emotionally know it doesnt matter and logically know itll be better if you make the correct steps to do better as opposed to logically knowing its no biggie but emotionally feeling like its the end of the world. I doubt you could give me a logical reason that being turned down by a woman has negative consequences but if you do remember this youd start to worry a lot less about what people think of you If you realied how little they did. My bad for the ramble Im not really concentrating but heres a challange im going to set to you next free night you have go to a bar, club youd never go to and talk to the first women youre attracted enough to have sex with if you cant feel you can esculate it doesnt matter try another two if you get knowhere IT DOESNT MATTER go home and take it as an achievement and go home (happy with or without getting pussy) this is basic sidebar dogma and you keep this up and refine your process youll get pussy but trust me I came to the red pill from a toxic relationship that broke me but I was getting a lot of pussy before and in the times we broke up (one of the reasons we broke up for the final time) so Im telling you its as simple and carefree as that. Good luck bro sending love and a reminder to love yourself and situation whatever.

[–]throwaway1575858[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I tell myself this all the time, and I understand it. But every time I go to approach a girl, I fold and pussying out. I guess nothing will change until I man up and take that first step. Thank you for the kind words brother 🙏🏽

[–]fiftyshadesofbroke 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I feel you OP. It literally sounds like you’re describing me.

[–]throwaway1575858[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well at least someone can relate 🙃

[–]DebtMoist4096 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Give it time, I went to college a virgin and only got laid 3 times in those whole 4 years. I graduated when I was 22. I’m 25 now and I have 23 body count.

My point is that it’s never to late and different men bloom at different times in their life. As long as you are genuinely improving your game it will snowball into you being good at game. Every year I get better and better.

When guys be telling me they body counts are in the 100s I believe them, because once you learn game you keep getting more and more smarter, fearless, routine, experienced

[–]iJuiiCe_x 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

How did you personally get better at game?

[–]Azshira 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Not that guy, but for me it was three things. Wardrobe, exposure, and success. I asked people in real life who I knew were good with women for tips on how to dress and what to say so I wasn't going in completely blind.

I moved to a new state, so I had a 'clean slate'. People's only exposure to me was the "new" me. You can replicate this without moving (new job, club, church, class, whatever).

I started getting compliments on my appearance, which led to women wanting to be around me, which made me comfortable in talking to them like how I would talk to any other friend. Once we were comfortable talking to each other, I would start tossing in flirty remarks to whoever I was interested in. If they were receptive (positive body language, not embarrassed or uncomfortable) then I would either ask for a number or they would give it to me themselves.

The rest is gonna be trial and error for you. You have to learn things like physical escalation, maintaining an independent mindset, and how to avoid the friendzone through pure experimentation.

[–]throwaway1575858[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

The thing is, my SMV from a looks-perspective is pretty high I think. I’m very into mens fashion so my style is miles above the average person. My hairstyle is nice. I just finished Invisalign so I have the perfect pearly whites now. I’m not very tall so I get some points off but I’m above average height. Also not jacked either, but I’m pretty lean with a small amount of muscle mass (I’m lifting everyday but the dream physique takes decades to build). I’ve traveled to so many exotic locations and post about it on social media.

The only problem is my game shoots me in the foot. I can recognize the attention from females, but I can never capitalize on it. I just always end up quiet and unable to open my mouth. And when I am able to converse it’s always just normal conversation that isn’t flirty or physical. I guess like you said it’s just trial and error to keep practicing until it works.

[–]DebtMoist4096 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

To reply to your question, you need self improvement. Read the rational male watch alpha male strategies or whatever you like. consume a lot of redpill content and self improvement.

Be careful following grifters on YouTube. It’s pretty obvious who is real and who is not. But if you have looks, all you need to do is self improve and apply/practice in real life and have patience

[–]zx91zx91 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

feel you brotha

[–]lemachman 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I think you gotta change your mindset, maybe take a vacation or something. Go take mma and build some confidence, find a ground. You have more than what any average guy can ever ask for

[–]throwaway1575858[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Been boxing for a few years now, just came off a vacation as well couple months back. I’m not complaining, I know I have a lot more than the average guy. Just feel like shit because I have it all and still suck at getting girls.

[–]polarizingpotato 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

TRP looks at women in a way that’s very complex, systematic and calculated.

We’re all just humans at the end of the day.

I’ve been where you are right now. I saw girls as evil, fundamentally. All the red pill/pick up theory I had digested automatically made me a form of a negative opinion of girls whenever I’d see them.

In addition, I’d overthink absolutely everything. The mind became incessant with chatter, anxiety and self-doubt.

Nowadays, I barely think of the theory. Just a handful of successful experiences with girls gave me the belief that “I know I can get girls, so it doesn’t matter if I fuck up with any particular one”. It’s all about your energy, how comfortable you are with yourself.. oh and also being direct with girls is a big one.

With that being said, while it’s nice to have girls, purpose is so important. If all you think about all d ay is how to get girls, you’re going to set yourself up for misery. You need something that you find meaning and excitement in and spend most of your time working on that.

[–]throwaway1575858[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well said, some really insightful stuff so thank you. I used to think girls were evil and selfish when I first began to digest RP content. Nowadays, I don’t think that way so much, but I still feel dejected as I struggle with forming sexual or romantic relationships.

Regarding your last statement, I do have my purpose. I have my career path and my small business that I work everyday towards building and trying to be as successful as possible. I have hobbies that I enjoy and give me fulfillment. Yet sometimes I still feel lonely and wish I had others to share the experience with.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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