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How to dread my plate if I don't go out, don't have friends to party with, no close female friends, etc?

September 19, 2022

I'm 33. Been seeing this woman (30) for more than a year, she's submissive, on my frame, we have great sexual chemistry, all good and overall a good fwb relationship that I'm now considering making her exclusive as I enjoy her company more than my other options.

This is the first time I have a relationship this long without any "bf/gf" labels so I'm still learning how to deal with it.

I have 2 other plates that I sometimes fuck but I want to drop them as I don't enjoy spending time with them, and had other girls come and go during my time with her.

She knows I'm fucking other girls and has no problem with that, not entirely sure if she believes it though because she never saw anything from the other girls, nor has she seen me ever with other women.

I never dreaded her yet and I feel this could soon be a problem -- on a subconcius level I feel she wants to feel jealous just to validate the guy she's with is still her top option, I just don't know how to do that as I never go out alone, don't have female friends and all my self-improvement efforts are individual. I'm also an introvert so I spend lots of time at home alone. When I go out with her we mostly go to eat out. Never took her to a bar, club, etc

Other than taking her to dance and have other women check me out, what can I do to apply dread to her? I don't want to be so direct as in take photos with other plates and so on. I want to make it subtle for her to acknowledge that other women want to fuck me, and yes, I do get IOIs.

Any ideas?

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Post Information
Title How to dread my plate if I don't go out, don't have friends to party with, no close female friends, etc?
Author beingskinnyfatsucks
Upvotes 11
Comments 12
Date September 19, 2022 10:24 PM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit /r/newTRP
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/newTRP/how-to-dread-my-plate-if-i-dont-go-out-dont-have.1132415
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/newTRP/comments/xiqre2/how_to_dread_my_plate_if_i_dont_go_out_dont_have/
Red Pill terms in post

[–]themostgianthorse 12 points13 points  (4 children) | Copy Link


Get this out of your head.

Sex is good. Submissive, in your frame and you enjoy her company. Boom. You can stop there as there is no problem here.

You are attempting to manufacture dread for no reason which in my view is worse than being unaware of what dread is in the first place.

This idea of trying to manufacture dread with your FWB sounds as though you are overthinking which can be a one way ticket to stepping into her frame.

If you want to go out with her, by all means, go out and have fun. If you get caught trying to create some contrived scenario, she is likely to view it as pathetic.

I suggest you read Rollo’s article “Children with dynamite”.

[–]beingskinnyfatsucks[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yes, I tend to overthink, and plus I get a feeling this is also coming out of my own ego -- in that I was actually expecting her to ask me to be exclusive and yet... nothing, and it's making me question why hasn't she? Am I not that good enough even though I feel she can't get enough of me? Or maybe is just my mind playing tricks on me.

For sure I need to learn how to chill the f out.. funny how hard that is once you get attached to a person.

[–]themostgianthorse 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I hear you bro. I was the same way for the majority of my life. The headspace app, the gym, guitar, eliminating buffers and furthering my career helped me get out of it.

If you are having thoughts about if you “are good enough?”, my advice is to stay out of LTR for now until you can confidently answer with a “Yes.”

[–]blowmyassie 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

What do you mean eliminating buffers and what did you do with the headspace app once you finished all the stages it offers?

[–]blowmyassie 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

How to avoid entering their frame?

[–]No_Zone_911 4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Here's the problem...

You want to promote the relationship. You want to make her your exclusive LTR. You want to apply dread so she wants that too. Instead, she's happy with being your friend with benefits.

As you progress In your acceptance of the red pill, you'll see that your situation is actually the ideal situation. She's not pushing you for exclusivity.

Unfortunately you have oneitis. There's no shame in it because it's happened to all of us. However, you have to recognize it. This is why you don't want to see your other plates anymore.

You can't "dread" her into wanting to be exclusive. That should be a talk she comes up with and that you dread lol.. pardon the play on words.

Also if you review some of the posts from hornsofapathy you'll see that there has been some debunking of the idea of applying dread anyway. Dread was something originally discussed by bluepillprofessor.

Dread is something you use in a LTR or marriage to reignite the bedroom.

Also it's weak AF.

So again... No. Chill out, find some better plates. Recognize you are becoming attached to woman who doesn't want exclusivity.

By the way, the only reason She doesn't want exclusivity. It's because there's someone else on her end. Sorry man.

[–]beingskinnyfatsucks[S] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Thanks for this -- it's actually something I've been thinking about for quite some time, that I have "oneitis" for this one. Only just the last couple of months she got in my head and is difficult for me to not think about her, it has even affected me in my grind. I feel less aggressive on my pursuits.

She wants exclusivity but that talk didn't came out from her (yes, I brought the talk first asking her what she wanted recently) -- I said I was open to the possibility of having something exclusive (with her or with another person) and she said she hopes for being exclusive with me, and that's that, but before that, just... nothing. She was fine with the situation we were in. She mentioned a few times she's not seeing anyone else, and I get the feeling I'm the only dude she's fucking, at least the last 3 or 4 months.

I brought the talk because I wanted to have some leverage into moving the relationship towards meeting her social circle and family -- two things I still after more than a year of knowing her she has kept me in the dark about. Obviously I won't commit without first having an understanding on how she behaves in those scenarios, I only know about that from whatever she tells me about, but I need to see for myself.

I'll read the posts you suggested.

[–]No_Zone_911 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Sounds like she may be a keeper. there's nothing wrong with being exclusive with a woman. Shit you can even love them. You just always have to maintain your frame. It goes to hard mode once your exclusive. I did it for a decade and a half and it finally blew up.

I've never met a woman who didn't have at least one backup orbiter in play btw. Maybe your frame is so strong that she is not having sex with him. Even though she knows you are out there on your grind. I'll bet not though.

Good luck man.

[–]beingskinnyfatsucks[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks, a keeper I'm not sure yet, but for me she's a good prospect that I want to keep learning about -- and yes, this is the first relationship where I'm fully aware of frame as a concept and I agree, I remember just 2 times where I just barely went out of my "strong, silent, stoic" frame (showed weakness) and she instantly changed her behavior. Seeing that in real time was all the information I needed to agree with you.

[–]That-Potential-5684 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You need to learn how to be more social and build a tribe. Have a group to hang out with. More social less individual at this point in your life.

[–]throwitdownman 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Repeat after me: ONEITIS. You’ve fallen head over heels for this woman. Which isn’t something bad, as why would we as men want to be with someone we don’t like? That isn’t oneitis. Oneitis has another component - that there is an INBALANCE of attraction. You’re head over heels for her, she’s head over heels for you, but you (correctly) feel the scale is tilted.

One of the pillars of TRP philosophy is that women are the gatekeepers of sex, and men are the gatekeepers of commitment. SMV being equal, it’s easier as a woman to get a one night stand, and easier as a man to marry a girl (ex: post wall chick, single mom, etc).

Imagine if the roles were reversed - if she really wants to be exclusive, do you think she’ll ask on Reddit? Chances are when she’s emotional she’ll just burst it out. If she wanted more she would say so. And you’ll be feeling like “Chad” having a girl you like really like you back. And get to be the one who “accepts” her rather than chasing her.

I don’t know either of you, but in my opinion, she doesn’t want to be exclusive because she feels that once there’s commitment, you’ll be ‘tamed’. Maybe due to her past experiences losing attraction after getting into an LTR. Women don’t want to tame men, they want to try and try to tame men, but they want to be unsuccessful. It gets their juices flowing, they want a challenge.

Just be yourself, as that’s what got you her in the first place. Make seeing her family a ‘fun’ time rather than a chore. Make having kids and marrying HER goal, not yours. As the leader, the man of the house, set goals for the relationship and LEAD her there. Just need a stronger frame.

[–]TheZimboKing 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I would never think a girl who fucks outside of LTR with me and does not demand more a good candidate for LTR with me. That would disqualify her in my eyes. But then you guys have it different. Your women are, well, modern.

That said, you kinda slide into LTR, with you kicking and fighting it all the way (or at least pretending to).

I don't believe you should dread her into exclusivity either.

What I would do

  1. Spend more time with her.

  2. Do alpha bf stuff more

  3. But never admit it's what you are doing.

  4. Keep doing this as this will model your relationship.

Whilst you are with her, be an Alpha BF: REQUIRE MORE FROM HER. This has a high chance to blow in your face but then if it works, you will have a girl who thinks she hit jackpot with you.

P.S: if she fucks outside of an LTR as a FWB or because she is 'single' she is fundamentally broken. Proceed with caution.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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