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Is it a good idea to ask: What are you looking for? When is the right time to ask this?

flexman2000
September 30, 2021
1 upvotes
/r/newTRP

I've had an example of a fling that didn't quite turn out well.

Says she does an activity I'm heavily in, tennis. Tried to invite her and even practiced at her place (2nd date) found out that she doesn't even commit or has yet to get back in shape.

Irks me to see that she has tennis in her profile but hasn't actually put it in her lifestyle.

Got awkward when I mentioned my recent tennis match with a current friend, acquaintance. She herself hasn't come out or put any effort into going to events I've mentioned.

She's a goner now. But I'd mind if this is actually the right question to ask after the first phone call or before the 1st date.

The thing is I also like keeping things open, but it's so weird to navigate. Especially when I'm going on multiple dates and haven't mentioned that I have plates.

At first, is it a good idea to ask what she's actually looking for? What if her profile (for example) doesn't mention anything about exclusivity. Is it better for us to keep things vague?

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Post Information
Title Is it a good idea to ask: What are you looking for? When is the right time to ask this?
Author flexman2000
Upvotes 1
Comments 5
Date September 30, 2021 6:39 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/newTRP
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/newTRP/is-it-a-good-idea-to-ask-what-are-you-looking-for.1095159
https://theredarchive.com/post/1095159
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/newTRP/comments/pyq0ar/is_it_a_good_idea_to_ask_what_are_you_looking_for/
Red Pill terms in post
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Comments

[–]winefox 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

She doesn’t know what she wants. She’s just there for the ride. It’s up to you to show her what she wants, and that should be you.

[–]Meloxian 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

On the 11th date, 7 minutes and 32 seconds in, when you’ve got a meatball sub in one hand and a copy of back to the future in another

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

on dating apps, I ask girls almost every time what they are looking for BEFORE meeting up... but if you've already met her or gone on a date with her DON'T ask her what she's looking for, assume she's attracted and escalate as you normally would with a girl you're seeing.

the relationship is a woman's job, not yours. you just continue to be high value, do fun shit with her, escalate phisically and be good in the bedroom, if she really likes you she will ask you "so where is this going?", then you can make a decision from a position of power..if you just wanna keep her as a plate you can tell her you aren't looking for anything serious right now, but enjoy what you two have going on rn... or if you wanna relationship with her you can lay out what you expect out of a girlfriend (ie: no single girl behaviours), and then leave it up to her if she accepts your boundaries for being a girlfriend.

asking a girl what she's looking for is pretty bluepill/beta. think, would Chad be asking a girl what's she's looking for after already being on a couple dates with her? no! he's spinning plates, bettering himself every day, and if a girl happens to ask what he's looking for he say "don't really have an agenda right now, but I do enjoy spending time with you"... eventually the girl might push for a relationship and Chad can decide then if the girl is someone he actually likes enough to drop his other plates for

oh and also if a girl never asks you where things are going, or the "so what are we?" question then it's a win win for you, you get all the bedroom benefits, without having to commit or provide for her

[–]flexman2000[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

you aren't looking for anything serious right now, but enjoy what you two have going on rn...

I'm interpreting this as I can still openly date whoever I want and have sex with them. Same goes for you, woman.

Am I wrong to think this?

I'm just a little confused in today's dating world as there's also online dating. An endless supply for women to find other potentials.

If she does not ask or steps a foot down for some commitment play, even early on, even on the 3rd date, does this mean we both or myself only, can still to start openly dating?

I ask girls almost every time

This is really good advice and I appreciate you but what do you say when they say: I'm looking for a serious relationship or a committed relationship, or the same bs such as I don't know or just seeing how things go

What is your primary goal? What if it's to create plates?

I always thought that asking this question is sort of a double edged sword or a bad thing. Even you said that relationship is a woman's job.

You aren't looking for anything serious right now, but enjoy what you two have going on rn

Another silly question but how long does this take anyone until it starts to grow old? I've tried plating, far orbiters are indefinite and can always drop by to bang. I guess it depends on the type of woman? And her lifestyle?

oh and also if a girl never asks you where things are going, or the "so what are we?" question then it's a win win for you, you get all the bedroom benefits, without having to commit or provide for her

The only thing I think that can work super terrible for both parties is if she's sleeping around AND not being safe. So suppose subtle communications on how she's also doing her lifestyle can help, I wouldn't mind if she's also plating but isn't it good to know a bit more of her cards too?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

  1. in the modern dating market unless you both have explicitly stated that you won't see or have sex with anyone else... then there's no rules, you're free to date and hook up with whoever you want and same goes for.her. saying "im not looking for anything serious right now, but enjoy what we have going right now" is basically you saying in a gentle way "I enjoy your vibe and the sex we have is great, but I'm not looking for commitment right now"

  2. when you ask them from the get go what they are looking and they say "a serious relationship", you can do one of three things... say "cool so am I" then just treat it like any other plate, she'll eventually ask for commitment and you'll probably have to end it there and say "I just don't think we are compatible"... this is immoral in a sense because you are pretending you want commitment when really you know you won't comit to her... but hey, it's an option. OR you can give a relationship a shot with her if you actually would consider her for a LTR... OR lastly you can use that question as a screening process, If she says "I want a serious relationship" and that's not what you want, then just stop responding to her and focus your energy on girls who are just looking for something casual.

  3. again if you haven't verbally stated that you both won't sleep with or talk to anyone else then she is free to do what she wants, and you are free to do what you want, you need to be okay with that. you can't (and shouldn't) be possessive of a girl you don't want to commit to. it's the modern dating scene man, and nah I don't ask if they're seeing other guys... I automatically assume they're seeing and talking to other guys. girls have a level of abundance that even Chad could only dream of, so I rightfully assume they:re taking advantage of that. if you're concerned about safety and STD's just wear a condom.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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