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What to say or do if she confuses/conflates sex and love?

December 1, 2021
2 upvotes

Let me attempt to clarify; it's more or less about the means to an end; I enjoy company, and I rarely or never get wonderful sex.

However, some women-plates I've openly dated seem to conflate or confuse sex and love. Now I'm probably the one who is stupid or ignorant, so please bare with me.

I tried to be as "open" as I can on initial meets and in the "getting to know each other stage". Most of my contacts have been from apps but as an example, I don't even put a relationship goal there.

Now I might've fucked up with some when their relationship goals simply displays: looking for a long term, etc... (genuinely did, was ignorantly about it) but now I'm more careful. And in real life connects, I keep it as open as possible, I'm just there to have fun.

Most women consider sex and emotions to be one and the same. I see it as more of a fun activity that I can share with her. But it gets a little awkward especially if she proceeds with zealous king treatment and it goes too far (after the sex or just a few weeks of back and forth). One of the most perplexing things is when she says she "loves me" during sex. (Just an example, not a humble brag). Yea, there may be sparks but at the same time I'm always looking out.

Even on the first couple of lays, is it wrong not to get too serious? Do I need to lay out a context? Hanging out and just having fun part vs to actual serious love/emotions with it.

Even if my goal is finding a long term, I think these stages should still be less serious because we're still getting to know each other- yes, even during sex.

TL;DR: She's attached. I'm not. I like sex, she perceives sex as more of a "connection" than I do. I'll probably save folks time and effort if I just look for this in the kink community, for example. There's a lot less pressure there, in my opinion.

I don't want to fuck people up in the head, or mislead. At the same time, I'm not dating as a religious person. And I have to keep things somewhat "open", in order to have some success. It even gets more confusing when my "let's just see how it goes" gets entrenched from love bombing.

How can I proceed from here if my aim remains just open ended and I just want to have fun? And responsibly safe of course..

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Post Information
Title What to say or do if she confuses/conflates sex and love?
Author budcraw0
Upvotes 2
Comments 4
Date December 1, 2021 9:01 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/newTRP
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/newTRP/what-to-say-or-do-if-she-confusesconflates-sex-and.1095262
https://theredarchive.com/post/1095262
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/newTRP/comments/r6p33f/what_to_say_or_do_if_she_confusesconflates_sex/
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Comments

[–]YesIveReadTheSideBar 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You’re doing fine. If you’re truthfully telling them you want something fun/casual then keep doing that. If they view it differently don’t worry about it. Just try to avoid BPD girls and continue having your fun. There are plenty of women out there who do the same thing you’re doing by wanting something fun. There’s no harm in it unless you’re leading them to believe you’re wanting a relationship with them.

If you’re worried about messing her head up because she’s attached and you’re not… we’ll you’re too deep. Learn to pickup on signals of when they’re starting to get attached and either see them less and spin plates or find a way to reiterate that you’re not wanting anything serious.

[–]budcraw0[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

There’s no harm in it unless you’re leading them to believe you’re wanting a relationship with them.

I know sooner or later I'm eventually going to need to settle down, or has her frame & mindset affected mine? I'm just an average guy as it goes so I think it's just a necessity to have options always open. Frankly, I don't match her frameset.

Learn to pickup on signals of when they’re starting to get attached and either see them less and spin plates or find a way to reiterate that you’re not wanting anything serious.

Sound advice. I past plate I had (single mother) would give me all the world's anxiety because she knew how to play my strings, and would occasionally mention settling down because oddly enough, she feels that her menopause would come sooner than later. Starting at a later age can certainly mess people up

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]budcraw0[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Super ordinary, just literally 3 words

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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