None of my approaches materialize to anything significant, I'm putting lots of effort and losing.

RedPosterboard · 2012-11-07T15:44:11+00:00

Seriously dude, I feel like slapping you. No, just kidding. But GET REALISTIC!!!

I don't mean to sound like a dick, but that's because I'm drunk :P

"The last 4 girls I've approached have been fairly attractive and I've failed with all of them...".

How many girls do you approach? Approaching four girls is close to NOTHING. Approaching four girls and beating yourself up over lack of success doesn't serve a purpose at all. It's just silly. And why do you beat yourself up over having 'failed' when in fact approaching them to begin with is a victory?

My former instructor was a '4' in terms of looks, yet he pulled like a demon and has banged hundreds. It's NOT your appearance that's the problem, it's merely your mindset and your game.

Quit worrying about your face, and worry about your style instead. Grooming, the clothes you wear, and your body. Clothes make people. If you're a 7 in terms of looks, you're blessed with better than average looks. Nothing to be ashamed of. The definition of a girl who's a '7' is that she's the kind of girl that most men will be attracted to in terms of appearance alone. If you're a '6'... well... dude, in that case you're good-looking too. Worry more about what you CAN do, instead of worrying about your perceived lack of skill.

And that's exactly your problem. Focus. You're not focusing on opportunity, but rather on the perceived negative things in your life and you seem more content writing up on Seddit how frustrated you are, rather than sitting down and devising a strategy for getting from A to B. Again... Focus. Where do you direct it?

You're not giving us enough details to give us any clue as to where you drop the ball with every girl you're hitting on... but rest assured, it's all something you can learn. Do some coaching and cut YEARS off the learning curve.

"There's no point because all the best top males that are most attractive and powerful get all the women...." And why do these guys look so good and are perceived as attractive and powerful? It's because they care about themselves and work hard in the gym and with setting a cool style together and with acting cool around people.

So in terms of your game, your post screams of your current sticking point... Attraction game. That's where you have to direct your energy and focus now. The girls don't see enough value in meeting up with you afterwards. That's why your girls flake for dates. That and comfort. The reason girls give LMR in a bed-room situation is comfort and qualification issues. So work on your attraction game and your comfort game, but especially your attraction game. Step-by-step. All completely normal.

So, my best advice is to shift your focus, improve your attraction game, and dind a dating coach to help you pin-point your mistakes. No need to worry, brother.

Lazeeboy2003 · 2012-11-07T06:28:40+00:00

Buddy, I feel you. I feel like I'm in the same boat, I'm finally making a real effort to get out and meet people (not just girls, but of course that's my goal) and have had just absolutely no luck yet. In my area, every girl I talk to is either already seeing someone or isn't looking for a relationship, and I know how you feel; it gets incredibly frustrating.

Just today when I went to vote, I hit it off with cute female poll worker, and joked around for a few minutes while I was getting ready to vote. I had to leave quickly for work, but came back later when a friend went to vote, and the girl remembered me from amidst the several hundred people she met that day. Of course, I was excited and continued carrying on conversation, and just as I was readying to ask for her number, she said something like, "Yeah, my husband works the poll at the other school and it's just as crowded over there." Time and time this kind of thing happens, and I know it gets very aggravating.

I'm trying to stay positive, man, and I hope you do too. It has helped a bit to consider this time as a single man as an opportunity to really better myself. But that's cold comfort when all you want is someone to hold when you crawl alone into your bed at the end of the day : (

maestroni · 2012-11-07T23:24:30+00:00

Approaching just four is equivalent to complaining about not getting a straight flush after four hands of poker. Try again until the law of big numbers plays out in your favour.

puaCurveBall · 2012-11-07T20:34:23+00:00

I number close, but it never gets to a date despite time bridging

I don't get this part, if you are time bridging then they should be AGREEING to the date. Are you saying all these girls are enthusiastic about a date in person but then it never happens?

I always fail with these sort of girls, usually they're 8s.

Are you getting any success at all? Are you not failing with 6's? or just not trying?

Freevoulous · 2012-11-07T21:35:48+00:00

"i'm very cynical about my looks so I give myself a 7...maybe 6. (please don't give me advice about this, I already take very great care of myself and look my best)"

Wait what? 5 is average, 6 is good, and 7 is more than good. Most people are 5s be default.

UnclePaul50 · 2012-11-07T05:37:13+00:00

What's your success rate with girls below a 7? If it's high, or even just higher, do you think there might be something about your approach that's slightly different depending on the attractiveness of the girl? If so, that might be your problem.

The fact that you're "putting in so much effort" and "feel inferior" both speak to the idea that you may be trying too hard with the women you judge to be "above" you. That in itself is unattractive.

2012-11-07T18:43:26+00:00

Suggestion on the boyfriend thing. Once you've developed some level of rapport, say "I have a question for you [her: yes?] What's your relationship situation?"

She will answer either that she has a boyfriend/married, is single or "it's complicated"

Treat the last two is a signal to escalate. If she really does have a bf or husband, she'll be flattered.

Here's the thing: You should feel good for her. The girl is in a relationship and is happy. That's good! It's not a failure or rejection. It's just a fact.

februaryrich · 2012-11-08T07:50:05+00:00

I'm the other way, people think I'm good looking but my personality isn't for everybody

JustinJensen · 2012-11-08T03:38:39+00:00

I have some simple advice for you. The problem is that you're focusing so hard on approaching women that you're completely blowing yourself out of the water. How? Simple. Chicks can pick up on this easily. They (whether they know it consciously or not) are VERY good at picking up on body language and reading people. Your low confidence and self worth is what they're picking up on. The best course of action would be to be more social with everyone and start focusing on hobbies and activities that you enjoy. Build who you are as a person and the ladies will follow.

Title	None of my approaches materialize to anything significant, I'm putting lots of effort and losing.
Author	dvvcmu
Upvotes	14
Comments	13
Date	November 7, 2012 4:29 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/12rwwg/none_of_my_approaches_materialize_to_anything/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/none-of-my-approaches-materialize-to-anything.1342428 https://theredarchive.com/post/1342428