I just finished a graveyard shift and now can't sleep, plus I was reviewing a list somebody posted up a few days ago (I'm sorry, I can't remember who you are) and I thought I'd add a few tips (heuristics) of my own. These were passed down from my martial arts instructor for self defence purposes, but the underlying physiology is the same. This will be particularly newbie friendly as I can imagine the stress will dissipate with practice.
The quickfire tips
Breath out
You're an idiot for the first minute or two
Your body language will attempt to close off, do not let this happen
She could well become an idiot after a few minutes
Drill it in until it's natural
The explanations
Remember to breath out. When the body stresses, it forgets this part. Breathing in remains automatic, but that's why you get tight-chested. Just breath out when you have a chance. Your body will do the rest.
You will have an initial adrenaline spike. This is the classic "fight or flight" response that any stressful situation will lump you with. Guess what? It makes you stupid, too. You will lose fine motor skills like complete control of your tongue. Keep your sentences short and simple, to minimise the risk of appearing like an idiot.
In line with this adrenaline spike you will naturally close off your body language as you start to preapre to protect your vital organs. I don't really know what to do with this, but you will hunch, your feet will start to face away and other undesirable stuff happens. Any ideas on this one, pros?
Remember, this spike hapens differently for males and females. I loved the way my instructor put this, so I'm going to quote him directly. "How often have you had a fight with your missus, walked out, calmed down, re-entered the situation to talk and been greeted by a hellstorm? It's because women don't spike their adrenaline immediately like men do. They spike after a few minutes." In other words, what happens to you at first, could well happen a few minutes down the road to her. Make contingencies for this because she will start to shut down socially and could ruin your opening at this point.
Drill it in. This isn't a new point being made. Practice this until it's a natural reaction. You only need to get through a couple of minutes at most before your physiology will automatically reset to a more comfortable level and you find it easier.
I've just been reflecting on the few openings I've done this past week (I've been busy with work, hobbies and mates so I didn't drill it in as much as I would've liked) and found that I applied particularly the first two out of habitual reaction to stressful situations.
