Hi, im a 20f black junior in college. I feel like I come here every 2 months.
I started my level up journey in January. This mostly consisted of physical change like working out to lose weight and get a nicer body in general and doing make, clothes, etc. I’m also seeing a therapist to help with my self esteem and to gain some confidence. My problem has always been that I compare myself too much and I feel like FDS and FLUS have helped but I feel like almost every month I go back to being miserable and comparing again.
Im 20 years olds. Why are there 18 who haven’t had to go on a level up journey to find confidence and learn to love themselves? Why are there ppl younger than me who can find boyfriends and friends with no effort while I am doing all that I can to find companionship? Why are there college freshman who are so much more confidence than I can ever dream of being? Why are there younger girls out there who have lost their virginity but I am still struggling to even get a guy to say hi to me?
I know that the comments are telling me that I have to validate myself but thats all I’ve been doing. Even before I started FDS. Affirmations, talking to myself in the mirror. I pray, I talk to God. I don’t know whats going on. Why isn’t any of this working? I just want to know why I’m not getting the results I want.
I know in still young and only a couple months into my leveling up but why are there girls out there who have already achieved all I want without FDS and also while being younger than me.
Thank you for reading.
[–]ASeaOfQuotesFDS Specialist 11 points12 points13 points (14 children) | Copy Link
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[–]CashMoneyCarrots1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
I disagree with the above poster. That’s not how therapy works. You will never stop comparing yourself to people. You will just learn to manage it so it doesn’t disrupt your daily life.
Personally, I moved on once I realized as a Latina that the white supremacist industrial complex feeds off of my insecurity. Find an activist womanist group on campus and talk to outspoken Black women about your feelings, and they will set you right for sure. Sisterhood will always carry you further than individualism.
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[–]CashMoneyCarrots1 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
I get you. Affirmations don’t work on me either. Too practical for that ish. Let’s try something else:
You’re literally 20. How are you going to feel when you’re 30 or 50? Are you planning to die once you get a wrinkle? You’re already ahead of so many of those girls, many of who will use all that confidence to walk into bedrooms with NVM who will traumatize them forever. My advice is to set a 10-year, 20-year, and 50-year plan. Watch Grace and Frankie on Netflix, and look forward to being an old single hag. You have no idea what will happen!! You could be widowed, you could be a virgin at 60, you could be divorced, you could be rich! Who knows!! You have soooooo much time.
Slow. Down. The pressure you’re putting on yourself is only going to lead you in one direction, and it’s worse than being single forever: sexual and emotional trauma from NVM. You won’t forget that stuff, trust me. I used to be you, except I didn’t go to therapy nor have FDS to back me up. I ended up becoming a low-key alcoholic and exposing myself to lots of fun sexual trauma.
You’re going to make mistakes and you’re going to have regrets no matter what. Here’s my gift to you: focus on patience. Be patient with yourself. All of the things you just started doing are going to take years. You won’t perfect any of the things you mentioned until you’re thirty. Even the makeup!
So just slow down and enjoy the ride. Find a cool FDS girlfriend to smoke weed with and talk about philosophy. Focus on making grades and making money. Chase the bag!!! All those stupid frat boys are terrible, horrible, not any good in bed. Get an internship and expose yourself to life after college.
Best of luck! Hope that helps!
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