Using throwaway
So as the title suggests, I'm currently in the process of adopting my stepdaughter.
Me and her mom have been married a year and the daughter was the product of a horribly abusive ex-husband. This abuser was still in their lives when we were dating and I used lawyers and the courts to slowly push him out where he has no control over their lives and he is starting to give up fighting the adoption because I'm set to win in a few months.
Now because of personal issues of our own, my wife has just told me that she wants to file for divorce, but that she wants to wait until after I adopt our kid.
When I told her that I was afraid of adopting our daughter because of the child support I'll have to pay and not being a family anymore (which is why I wanted to in the first place) she had a full panic attack and accused me of leaving her in her abuser's control.
For info, the daughter is 5 and calls me dad.
So reddit, WIBTA if I told my lawyer to stop the adoption process if I knew my wife was going to leave me after?
Edit: Wow this really blew up. To give answers to some repeated questions/comments:
Yes I know the ex-husband is abusive for a fact, no this is not about the money her panic attack was about the control her ex has, and I will not even entertain the idea of suing for full custody myself.
Edit 2: Went out for a few drinks because I needed them because of all of this.
Wife had just been diagnosed with some mental struggles and her therapist urged her to allow the meds to take effect before she made a major life decision.
I was originally leaning towards adoption because I love that little girl and we get along almost better than her and her mom but after reading the almost 2400 comments at this point and roughly 200-300 pms I've decided to talk to a lawyer when I get home to make an informed decision.
[–][deleted] 48 points49 points50 points (1 child) | Copy Link
Could you ever imagine being a man and thinking so little of yourself that you would actually ask this question. This is the result of conditioning boys/men to be blue pill doormats.
[–][deleted] 9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Amen brother.
Men have fallen and bitches are just stomping on them for shits and giggles.
[–]x3279228 points29 points30 points (0 children) | Copy Link
So you don't get to keep another man's child, sleep with his wife, AND you pay child support payments? It's like a dream come true!
[–]Chakra_Devourer22 points23 points24 points (2 children) | Copy Link
Don't adopt her. Don't be a fucking simp!
[–]TheOriginalJMF[S] 10 points11 points12 points (1 child) | Copy Link
Tell that to him. I thought about suggesting he visit this sub, but decided I don’t want to get involved in someone else’s Crazytown.
[–]whyserenity3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
He married her. He’s already a simp.
[–]Norlamin13 points14 points15 points (2 children) | Copy Link
The amount of times I read this, if I had a quarter, I’d be rich.
[–]IDDQD4Life11 points12 points13 points (1 child) | Copy Link
Heard it so many times from exes that turned out to be absolute cunts that I assume that to be the case in every instance now unless proven otherwise. I get that men can be abusive. Assholes exist. But what I hear now when a woman says "my ex was abusive" is, "I'm an abusive cunt, and consider it abuse when a man dares to stand up for himself or doesn't immediately acquiesce to my insane demands."
If they want us to #BelieveWomen then they shouldn't have lied so goddamned much in the past, and they certainly shouldn't keep at it. Simple really.
But it's a tactic. If they convince you that the ex was abusive, then it's not her fault that the relationship ended. She has no blame. She has no faults. She's perfect, now get on your knees and worship her.
They also know that it triggers the Captain Save-a-hoe side of most men to want to help her get away from that awful, awful abuser. Even if she ain't that hot, not that interesting, doesn't bring anything to the table, if she can damsel hard enough some simp will swing in and give her whatever she wants.
It's also closely related to, "I've only slept with one guy and it was basically rape..." that I heard from a lot of girls when I was younger. They're so pure, virginal, almost saintly, you see. She's everything you have been looking for; a good girl, free of STIs, who will surely fall head of heels once you give her that good dickin'. Then she slurps down that cock, rides you like she breaks broncos for a living, and generally puts the sluttiest pornstars to shame. Yup, she's a total virgin...
[–]stupidreddithandle912 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
It seems like simps like this are willing to play along with the “abusive ex”’fantasy because it allows them to better about the sad fact that their woman let lots of other guys creampie her before finally settling down with a simp like him. Psychologically, he knows he doesn’t measure up. The woman senses that his ego can be fed by letting him pretend to be a white knight in shining armour. So she cleverly exploits it. Then, a couple years later, she does the same thing to him, and he still doesn’t get it.
I almost think it’s better to let him hit rock bottom. He stole that child’s real father from her. He spent the real dad’s child support on himself. He deserves what he gets.
[–][deleted] 10 points11 points12 points (23 children) | Copy Link
Jesus that's just sad.
Adopt the kid you care about and be financially tied to a nutjob for the next 18 years, or walk away and break the kid's heart and let her potentially fall into the clutches of her abuser bio-father.
What a choice.
[–]stupidreddithandle912 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Not only that- it shows you what kind of manipulator the mom is. She’s been telling a judge for years that this guy is the “only father the child has ever known...” And now she tells the husband either he pays her hundreds of thousands of dollars or she takes him away from the child. She’s using a child and two adult men to support herself without working. And when she gets busted, she fakes a panic attack! To guilt him into handing over the money.
What he needs to understand is he will help the child more by standing up for himself and showing an example of a respectable man to her.
[–]DeadliftRx-1 points0 points1 point (21 children) | Copy Link
Are you fucking dumb? Who cares about someone else's failed abortion? He pretended to care about the child only because it got him poon, don't fucking lie to yourself, he just hasn't figured that out, yet.
[+][deleted] (9 children) | Copy Link
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[–]DeadliftRx-1 points0 points1 point (8 children) | Copy Link
Tell that to mom and dad. They created the damned thing and they need to own up to their actions.
Furthermore, responsible people, like myself and OP, don't need your pointless, time-wasting lecture. We already know better.
[+][deleted] (6 children) | Copy Link
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[–]DeadliftRx-3 points-2 points-1 points (5 children) | Copy Link
Let me speak from experience: It is petty Billy Beta to dedicate energy to another man's seed. Maybe you won't be forced to learn like I did, although failure is the best source of education.
[+][deleted] (4 children) | Copy Link
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[–]DeadliftRx-3 points-2 points-1 points (3 children) | Copy Link
This isnt about the child. This is about a woman teying to abuse a man. If you can't stay on topic, please go kill yourself.
Since youre dumb enough to require this, allow me to clarify: No one is blaming the child. Oh boo hoo poor child. Still not my problem. Not your problem either, unless you make it so.
[–]Gonedric5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy Link
Wow telling people to kill themselves over something like this. I really don't like MGTOW being associated with people like you, you give us all a bad rep.
[+]DeadliftRx-6 points-5 points-4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Go away, Billy.
[–]asspop10 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
hahh right to the point my man! thats the same way i feel! fuck it not my problem!
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points (9 children) | Copy Link
Awesome flex bro, I'm super impressed by your ability to talk shit about a 5 year old little girl. Manly as fuck.
Obviously HE cares about the kid? I'm sure he doesn't care as much as if it were his own kid, but he still cares. Obviously he regrets coming to the conclusion that he has to walk away from her and is feeling shitty about it. He wants reassurance that he's "not the asshole."
[–]DeadliftRx-4 points-3 points-2 points (8 children) | Copy Link
Purauit of external validation is not beneficial for one's mental health. But okay.
And yeah that little girl ain't shit. /s
[–]full_control4 points5 points6 points (6 children) | Copy Link
It's not exactly external validation to ask for a second opinion about feelings about oneself. In fact it's a wise move to double check our own judgment at times. It's idiots that never doubt their judgement.
[–]DeadliftRx-2 points-1 points0 points (5 children) | Copy Link
Then do whatever the fuck you want. Go adopt this kid for him, no shits given. Go away.
[–]full_control4 points5 points6 points (4 children) | Copy Link
Ok, nice irrelevant response. I think I'll stay where I am.
[–]DeadliftRx-2 points-1 points0 points (3 children) | Copy Link
Either step up and lead by example or you are no "better" than me, fool. Only now you've proven you won't speak and act alike. Quite spineless.
[–]full_control3 points4 points5 points (2 children) | Copy Link
Jesus Christ man, what got your panties in a bunch? I advocated questioning ones judgment and getting second opinions as something a wise man does and a fool doesn't. You need to bridge the literal to the abstract
[–]DeadliftRx-2 points-1 points0 points (1 child) | Copy Link
And you need to man up and do the right thing. Show us, big boy. You're full of shit and you know it.
[–]full_control1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
It's perfectly fine to care about the kid, it's not her fault her mom is a piece of work. No need to be so callous.
[–]krenovinspired10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
How much more proof do we need that women cannot make proper decisions on their own?
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy Link
'least she was honest instead of just waiting and then divorce.
[–]Gonedric1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Nah she's just fucking dumb. A smart cold woman would've known to wait after the adoption papers are signed to hand him the divorce ones
[–]MuleFool424 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
She's absolutely freaked out about the money. The whole bit about being in the control of her ex is total bull crap.
[–]NotherThrowaway2842 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
sigh
Failure to adapt is failure to learn. Of course, most people never learn that fact, so.....
[–]redmike87[🍰] 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
He got a better deal than a lot of guys in similar situations. At least he has the choice of running for his life or cutting his own manhood off. Some guys dont have a choice
[–]whyserenity1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
He married her, it is too late.
[–]Grant14121 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Well, I left my advice for the guy. I'm rather surprised at myself. I've really changed.
[–]contikipaul1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
This has to be a troll. The mods have been good about stopping the Femi-Nazi’s from brigading us but this.......it has to be a troll
[–]BaffyBob0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Troy Aikman adopted her kid, married the mom, they had their own, and now he's paying child support for two.
[–]xissburg0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
What a fucking mess of a situation you have put yourself into... I guess we chose to play life in easy mode indeed.
[–]NemuNemuChan0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
LOL
[–]fredanderssen0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
I always love the “abusive husband” canard. If he’s so abusive, why does this cuck need to force the dad of the child out of her life? Is he trying to retain custody out of spite? Is he willing to pay years of child support in order to piss off the mom?
And when I say “cuck,” I literally mean cuckold, though this is something worse. A cuckold, by definition, is someone who is unaware that the child is his. This man knows it isn’t his, knows what baggage he’s going to be dragging along for literally two decades, and he still wants to go through with it. This “man” is terminally stupid.
[–]asspop10 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
lol fucking dumbass people getting themselves into dumbass situations.... seriously! LOL glad i'm not that stupid.
[–]hardtostarboard20160 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
"this is not about the money." LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL