WIBTA if I cancelled the adoption of my stepdaughter?

17,432 points2,697 commentssubmitted by Disaproblem to r/AmItheAsshole

Using throwaway

So as the title suggests, I'm currently in the process of adopting my stepdaughter.

Me and her mom have been married a year and the daughter was the product of a horribly abusive ex-husband. This abuser was still in their lives when we were dating and I used lawyers and the courts to slowly push him out where he has no control over their lives and he is starting to give up fighting the adoption because I'm set to win in a few months.

Now because of personal issues of our own, my wife has just told me that she wants to file for divorce, but that she wants to wait until after I adopt our kid.

When I told her that I was afraid of adopting our daughter because of the child support I'll have to pay and not being a family anymore (which is why I wanted to in the first place) she had a full panic attack and accused me of leaving her in her abuser's control.

For info, the daughter is 5 and calls me dad.

So reddit, WIBTA if I told my lawyer to stop the adoption process if I knew my wife was going to leave me after?

Edit: Wow this really blew up. To give answers to some repeated questions/comments:

Yes I know the ex-husband is abusive for a fact, no this is not about the money her panic attack was about the control her ex has, and I will not even entertain the idea of suing for full custody myself.

Edit 2: Went out for a few drinks because I needed them because of all of this.

Wife had just been diagnosed with some mental struggles and her therapist urged her to allow the meds to take effect before she made a major life decision.

I was originally leaning towards adoption because I love that little girl and we get along almost better than her and her mom but after reading the almost 2400 comments at this point and roughly 200-300 pms I've decided to talk to a lawyer when I get home to make an informed decision.