Awhile back, I posted about how my own relationship went awry. I was dating someone older than me that told me that "we were only 80% compatible...blah blah...saw me like her older brother (she was older but, I was still like an older brother to her) . You can look at my history to see how pathetic I was.
Anyway! I took the advice of some very supportive men here. I toiled hard and put myself under the spotlight for all my insecurities. I began working on myself and went to the gym religiously. I spent most of my expendable energy to family, my job and working out. Eat healthily, do skin care routines, reading books. A lot of self love.
Ive made visible gains and slowly moving on from what had happened, still healing until today.
I've been mentoring this 20 yr old girl at work for quite some time. I am friendly...during breaktime. She's been openly flirting with me even though I try to be serious at work. She likes to act cute and pretend to be helpless , to which I respond very crudely. I just tell her how to do her work or refer to her notes that I asked her to scribble down. Apparently, being cold and distant to them makes them go for you more. Her voice jumps in cadence as if delighted whenever I yell at her or raise my voice.
She's attractive (young) but I am emotionally unavailable and I dont "shit where I eat" PLUS she's attached. I don't do that shit. I rather fuck a sex worker than be an accessory to cheating if I am thirsty.
What triggered my flashback was because she said "My boyfriend is so boring..."
I asked, "what's your boyfriend doing?"
"He's in the airforce (selected and going soon) For now, he's waitering so we don't spend that much time together"
She proceeds to tell me how responsible and perfect her boyfriend is. How the guy has planned his life and has dreams. He wanted to attend university to become a physiotherapist after his service. I'm an allied health professional myself. It's not the most lucrative job but, it's stable. People won't stop dying/injuring themselves anytime soon .
I told her that her guy was going to reach far and I hope that he doesnt lose his way in the military (as some of my friends became alcoholics or became violent). I even joked of getting a discount from him when he's done and certified as a physiotherapist. She rolls her eyes because 'a physio degree is four years'
She tilts her head at me and clicks her tongue, "But he's so boring. Like when we fu..."
I tensed up. She noticed.
She became conscious of herself. She bent closer and changed to a whisper "I just wish he was more kinky. You know?"
There was a dirty smile as she looked at me.
At this point, all the bad memories I had started coming back. I am no means, a Chad. I am healthy and I lift and Im exuding confidence because i love and take care of myself.
I remained quiet... and looked at her with disappointed eyes before trying to pass it off with a laugh.
"You're saying that now cause you havent seen him in uniform yet." I can't remember what I said exactly but I knew I would break character (mentor) and just reprimand her if I stayed a second longer. My mind was starting to sound the evacuation sirens. Maybe it was the nuclear meltdown siren.
I excused myself and sat at a corner and started to slowly rearrange stacks of paper repeatedly until it was time to go home. I faced the wall trying to fight back tears because I felt like I was thrown back to a few months ago when I was that 'boring, perfect and responsible guy who had planned his life"
My ex told me that we were "socially, spiritually, emotionally and mentally compatible but, we weren't sexually compatible"
Exact words from my ex. "We were 80% compatible"
Honestly, wtf? Fuck this world. Honk honk.
On another note, I guess I still have some more healing to do.
Daily dose of red pill, gentlemen.
Also, thank you to those who supported me during my last post. I hope you read this and see that I am doing better! Much love , bros!
*Edit: Thank you for all the advice and support. I went to sleep yesterday because gotta get that 8 hours of sleep before work.
Will try my best to do some replies on the train ride home.
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