In my previous post I went over Rule 1: You are not seeking to befriend, date, court, or even marry a woman. Those are simply a means to an end: sex.

I explained that having this clear goal in mind clarifies your mission and informs your interactions with the single Christian hotties (SCH) you are attracted to. So the question remains, where do you find these elusive SCH?

"Hot, Single, or Christian. Pick Two."

If you’ve spent any time in church recently you’ve probably felt like you were faced with this annoying question. The hot girls and usually taken or not Christian. One of the reasons I find RPChristians to be a useful sub-community in the greater RP realm is because we Christians are faced with some long odds unique to people of faith.

How rare is rare?

Especially those of particular denominational preferences. For example: of the 320 million citizens of the United States, the Association of Religion Data Archives counted approximately 66 million members of mainline and evangelical churches. Only about 5.8 million were Reformed. So if you are a Reformed Christian in the United States, your pool of like-minded folks is roughly 1.8% of the population.

It gets worse.

You have to divide that number roughly in half because, limp wristed pansy liberal “Christians” aside, we don’t marry other dudes. So we are talking about 0.9% of the population. Ouch. Then you have to take out the women who are already married, too old for you, and too young (edit: as in, below the age of consent), and you are left with a very small pool indeed. Oh, don’t forget to take out the ones who aren’t even attracted to.

This is some dirty back of the napkin sort of math, but the point is clear: we are talking about a very small subset of the population. See this comment by /u/ruizbujc for a more precise analysis.

So who is ready to go unicorn hunting?

Pre-Requisites

Before diving into the topic of tracking down such a rare species, I need to clear something up. With this post I am going to assume that you:

  • understand your own faith and have your own strong theological convictions
  • have read the side bar(s),
  • begun lifting and have gotten your fitness in order
  • improved your overall appearance by dressing well
  • figured out your hygiene and stopped smelling like rancid mule carcass
  • killed off stupid unattractive habits like slouching, self-deprecating talk, picking your nose, etc etc
  • built up a stable financial platform from which to launch your attack on life
  • got your responsibilities in order and cleaned up your domain
  • have practiced social interactions and built up fun healthy a social network
  • have a good handle on intermediate game

If you haven’t done these things, you should stop reading this and go get it figured out. I may write about some of those topics in the future if I feel like I have something unique to add, but honestly others have done a great job dealing with those topics at length. No need to re-invent the wheel. Seriously though. Go figure it out. You don’t have to be a master RP Jedi, but If you aren’t in a fairly solid position in those areas you aren’t going to attract Mrs. Unicorn even if you do find her. Don’t go hunting if you don’t know how to shoot a gun.

Warning: Christians are especially prone to oneitis and must guard against it. Because of the extreme mate scarcity of SCHs, Christian man are especially prone to overly fixating on one woman. It can be difficult to have an “abundance mentality” when there isn’t much in the way of real abundance. We will talk more about it, but keep it in mind that you must be aware of oneitis much more than the frat bro who can go pump any other willing broad without losing sleep.

Lastly, don’t get your panties in a twist because I am not offering the usual Christian platitudes: “Just pray about it!” I’m sure you’ve heard more than enough of those and I am not interested in offering them. Yes, pray about it. Yes, read your Bible. Yes, talk to your pastor. Duh.

With all that said, let’s talk strategy. The following is a series of tactics in no particular order. Consider these tools. Apply the ones that make sense to your situation.

Change your Geography

In the famous words of Flo Rida, “Where them girls at?” Seriously. If you are a Catholic, and live in Tennessee, the least Catholic state in the United States (3,504 Catholics per 100,000 people) you need to get the hell out and move to somewhere like Massachusetts where there are almost 13 times more Catholics (44,905 per 100,000). Or you can literally get the hell out and repent of your erroneous doctrine and swim the Tiber. Happy belated Reformation Day.

In all seriousness, your geography has a massive influence on your ability to find a wife. You have no room to moan about not finding a SCH if you live in San Francisco, Portland, Seattle, or a similar “unchurched” city. After all, Abraham had to do some geography hacking to find a wife for Isaac.

Change your social network

You can only make one first impression. How you present yourself to someone the first time will, so some degree, act as an “anchor” that can be difficult to change. If you’ve been involved in the same church, friend group, bible study, etc. for any length of time, there is a good chance you have a “label” of some kind. If you are seen as the “desperate to find a wife” thirsty guy, the “barely makes ends meet” guy, or some other “negative image” guy, this will play heavily against you.

The odds are, if you’ve done any sort of self-improvement while a part of the group, they will still see you as the guy you used to be. People hate change, even positive change can be difficult to accept because it is uncomfortable. Even those who want to see that change and celebrate it can’t entirely cleanse their previous image of you. No matter how long you know them, some part of their image of you will be the guy who used to be. That is the anchoring effect working.

Imagine you have that image at your Bible study or church. A new SCH attends. She sees you and finds your well dress, confident, muscular self to be very attractive. Then she starts getting to know the other girls in the group. You know, the ones who cringed when they saw you crash and burn with several other women in church. They know who you “really are” and begin to tear down the attraction the new SCH felt. Later, when you confidently and winsomely approach her, she “sees” the old you even though she never met him. The worse you were as a beta loser, the harder this “group think” will work against you. Women are creatures who like to outsource their thoughts and conclusions to others. They resist making their own decisions, so when a group of other women give them prepackaged judgments about you there is a very good chance they will latch onto the opinions of the group rather than form their own conclusions.

In a nut shell this is just the flip side of social proof. If this is holding you back, find other groups. You don’t have to forsake your friends, but if you’ve worked a scorched earth campaign on your imagine with your friend group you will be better served finding more fertile soils to farm.

Lead something at Church

You don’t have to join the pastorate to get noticed, but having some sort of leadership role that contributes value to the people of God is both helpful to the kingdom and a manifest demonstration of your ability to exercise dominion. Whether it be the sound team, worship, a Bible study, or community outreach, if you take charge of something it won’t go unnoticed. At the very least your pastor will be happy. I’ve never met a pastor who didn’t want more men to step up and help lead.

Look outside your denomination

Theological differences DO matter. They can have a huge impact on your marriage and life. That said, women are designed to adopt the frame of a man if his is stronger. If you are rock solid on your theological position and can both defend it and make a good case for it, there is a good chance that she can and will be persuaded to change her mind. She is like water and will adopt the shape of the vessel she is poured into. Don’t go do something stupid and marry someone involved in a cult or heretical schismatic group, but if she has some Pentecostal leanings but you are a cessationist, odds are you can persuade her. My best friend married a woman who had been a Jehovah’s witness before they dated. Both women are now theologically aligned to their men. Men lead, women follow. If she can’t, next her before you commit.

Note that I am NOT advocating for missional dating. That said, I’ve seen it work when the man had impeccable frame and she was at least open to matters of the faith. In fact, my wife just looked over my shoulder and read that last line and said “well yeah, you did that with me” and sauntered away with a smirk.

Get involved in non-church groups and activities

You’d be surprised at who you’d meet. Speaking of my wife, I met her before she was a Christian. I was swimming at the local watering hole and met her. We talked for awhile, I applied some minor game and got her contact info, just because. We didn’t really communicate until she started attending church about six months later. Long story short, she eventually became a Christian and we got married 5 years ago. This is a story in and of itself, but the bottom line was that God can do some great stuff with people who were once strangers. Even if you don’t find anyone of spouse potential, you will improve your social network, get a chance to practice your social interaction and game, and improve your perceived abundance.

Improve your perceived abundance

You and I know the reality that finding your unicorn is a daunting task and the deck is stacked against you. But, like a skilled magician you can use some illusion to your advantage. One core RP truth is that abundance mentality is crucial for success with women. More than just a mentality, actual abundance is needed. As mentioned before, women (and many guys) prefer to outsource their judgments about other people, especially new people. If a woman walks into a room and sees a guy confidently chatting up a couple hotties and making them laugh, she will make a positive assessment of his overall desirability. After all, if those two gorgeous women are enjoying his company, he must have something special to offer, right? This is called pre-selection and it has a compounding effect: the more women who are into you, the more women will be into you. This is a good feedback loop to get working for you.

The magic to pulling this off is that it doesn’t matter if the women who are into you are wife material or not. The SCH doesn’t know that you’d never actually marry the woman who is flirting with you, all she knows is that she finds you desirable and so should she. Women love competition and the feeling of getting the shiny toy that all the other women fought her for. When I met my wife, I was leading a large young adult Bible study group at my church. There were about five other women there who were obviously interested in me. In addition, there were several attractive non-Christian women that I knew who were, let’s just say very forward in showing their interest in me. To this day my wife gets a little gleeful thinking about me picking her over them.

As somewhat of a side note, this demonstration of abundance helped to establish a foundational level of “dread” in my marriage. My wife knows I get attention from attractive women and acts to keep me focused on her. She loves being the one who gets my attention because she knows that it is highly valued by others. I can say from experience and observation that it is far better to marry out of abundance than to marry out of scarcity.

Use the internet to your advantage

Don’t date online. LDRs are hell and I do not advise them at all. That said, the internet is a great sorting tool to meet people to be with in real life. I’ve never used dating websites or met women online, but I’ve known others who have been successful in this area. Most often I see people who “met” in special interest groups on Facebook or other social media get together as they already share a common, often rare, interest.

If I were advising someone thinking about going this route, I would suggest that the key to success is meeting them in person as soon as is reasonably possible. Once you’ve established a “real life” connection, treat then like you would any other person who you met offline. The online route is efficient in that it helps screen out incompatible people, but it can be costly. Be prepared to spend some time and money traveling to meet u p.

When meeting them, assuming you find them attractive and want to pursue more, I would imagine you want to work it similar to a One Night Stand in that the goal is to quickly generate high levels of attraction. After all, you can get to know someone at a distance, but attraction is built in person and you only have a small window. You want to leave them wanting more of you, because it is that desire for more that would motivate a change in geography to be more suitable to being with you. You don’t want to be the one chasing them, let them chase you. Beyond these initial thoughts on using the internet, I have little to offer as it isn’t hasn’t been in my experience. If you have some gems of advise to share, please do so in the comments.

Import

There is at trope of sorts that exists in the manosphere that to get a good wife you have to go to eastern Europe or some far flung exotic jungle to find a wife that hasn’t been infected by feminism. While it is sort of overblown, there is something to be said about going hunting abroad. You gain all the benefits of changing geography and social groups in quick order. Plus, despite some negativity, I’ve found that Americans are an exotic commodity elsewhere in the world. When I’ve traveled, I’ve found that people are immediately fascinated by me when they find out I am American. It is an easy icebreaker and the conversation can go anywhere, lots of fun. A friend of mine met his wife overseas. It took a few trips back and forth, but she moved to the US and they’ve been happily married for years. Again, this isn’t something I can write about from my own experience, but I think this has a lot of potential.

Look for younger women

Last one for now. I strongly recommend finding a wife who is a few years younger than you, especially if you are young. If you’ve established your life at all, it is likely you will have more wisdom, income, and experience than her. This makes it very easy for her to adopt your frame. Since, as /u/Red-Curious often points out, good wives are seldom found and often built, a young wife is much more easily taught and molded to suit you. Plus she will likely have a lower n-count and the odds of finding a virgin sharply decrease as you look further up the age scale. As an added benefit, she will retain her youthful attractiveness longer into the relationship.

There are certain risks with this strategy. While there is risk with any woman, there is a greater likelihood that women who married young will wonder “what if” about riding the CC and the “fear of missing out” on her younger years may rear up later in life. There are some things you can do to mitigate this, but know that the risk may be elevated. Overall, despite the risks, I am an advocate for this position as I think the guaranteed upsides outweigh the possible risks.

There are more strategies to consider, but this is good for now. The bottom line is this: if you haven’t run at least some of the plays listed here, I don’t want to hear you cry like a little girl about not find a wife. Try harder.