Is overlooking a female's sexual past foolish?

Deep_Strength · 2019-01-02T04:45:47+00:00

I have a very long post on this very topic, and not just on the virginity aspect but all aspects of vetting:

https://deepstrength.wordpress.com/2018/01/07/review-of-vetting-virgins-and-new-info-on-virginity-pledges/

I guess one option is to find a virgin, but like I just said, I don't care enough to really ask if a girl is a virgin or not, I just want to know if she's walking with Christ. I'd rather have Rahab from the OT (who could be interpreted as a former prostitute) as a wife vs. the vast majority of "casual christian" women who just listen to Hillsong (i'm sorry lol) and don't even read their bibles, w/ no desire to get closer to God and serve him.

True, but you don't have to have one or the other.

There are true Christians who are virgins. I posted on this the other day over in ChristianMarriage:

This is easy. Lead by example, which is what a Christian husband should be doing with his wife. You're just modeling it now while you are getting to know each other, dating, or in a relationship, engaged, and so on.

Share about your own testimony about how you are saved. Ask her about her testimony.

Share about your own walk with God (Scripture, prayer, meditation, fasting, etc.), and ask her about her walk with God.

Share with her your spiritual gifts and how you're stewarding them in the Church, evangelizing, and disciple making. Ask her about how she's stewarding her spiritual gifts.

Share about how you are loving and serving others. Ask her how she is doing the same.

Share with her where you see yourself in 5 years.. ask her the same.

You should get the point.

If a Christian woman is just "going to Church" because it's a social thing or her family goes there or she just grew up in Church but does not have a personal relationship with Jesus, she won't be able to answer these questions or demonstrate good fruit in her Christian walk or demonstrate continually growing in spiritual maturity.

If you find something that is a yellow or red flag, I'd talk with her about it and see if she's amenable to change or if it's something non-negotiable. She may have her own criteria that she's looking for as well to see if she wants to be with you. I would be up front about your preferences early on so that is the standard of the relationship.. engaging them later on tends to be a recipe for feeling like someone "springed" something on them.

The point of vetting is to find a woman who is not only saying she's a Christian but actually acting like she is a Christian. There's a BIG difference, and going to Church and saying all the right things doesn't mean someone is a Christian. It is if they are on God's mission seeking to expand His kingdom AND continually maturing as a Christian.

There's so many men and women out there who call themselves Christians and if you just take them at your word you're playing with fire.

rrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeee · 2019-01-02T03:48:59+00:00

I'd say it's definitely foolish, yeah

Stryker7200 · 2019-01-02T04:32:40+00:00

Does it feel good being with a women that has taken miles of other guys cock up her? I don’t think any self respecting man can say yes to that question. Our biology alone drives us to find a virgin to insure children are indeed the fathers.

As far as how today goes, much of the teaching in scripture outside the basics falls under “best practices”. If we follow every teaching to the letter we are likely to be sanctified that much faster. But we have “Christian freedom”. The ideal is to marry a virgin woman. It is not a sin to marry a non-virgin, but you are signing up for something you are not in marrying a virgin.

Take for instance considering a single-mother for marriage. If she is not a widow then some sort of sin led to the child that is now hers(no fault of the child obv). There is baggage and temporal consequences. Do you want to deal with that baggage? The temporal effects of that woman’s sin will be ever present the rest of her life.

Ultimately you are right in your example of marrying a whore, justice is the Lords in the end. But why risk going through all of that? Is common average men are not modern day Hosea.

A car analogy is also good here. Would you rather own a new or used car? The used car will still get the job done, but with the previous use it may fail on you before you reach your destination. It also takes more time and money to maintain and repair. The new car may be a bit harder to get (higher price = higher value mate/linger search), but will not have all the issues of a used car. A new car can still fail before reaching your destination (a lemon etc), but chances are it will perform better.

Comparing your spouse to previous sexual partners is a tough thing to deal with. So are the temporal consequences of pre-marital sex etc.

So imo sexual history absolutely matters and I haven’t even touched on the data correlating past number of sexual partners and future divorce.

Underdog891 · 2019-01-02T05:47:49+00:00

I think there should definitely be concern for a woman who has a high n-count and especially one who drinks excessively and does drugs. These activities tend to be highly connected.

The common theme is that the girl craves excitement. And the lust for excitement keeps breeding more lust for that type of worldly fun.

Dancing with sin can be so dangerous because once you've crossed that bridge, it's very easy to say I've done it before, what's one more time. What's one more person. What's more time of getting high or getting drunk. This is the most common rationale for when anybody does something that's destructive for the soul.

On the other end of the spectrum, there are mitigating factors, also. Like if the girl has a small n-count and if she was in relationships with all those guys. If she has a repentant spirit and she feels bad about it, that's a good sign. You're going to have to rely on your discernment to tell whether or not she is sincere or if she's just acting like it to make you happy. It might not sound right, but I think if a girl feels sorrow and shame, that means she's capable of admitting wrong. That would be a positive sign. If she shows your her love with her actions by treating you with value and going out of her way to sacrifice her selfishness that's a good sign.

It's really a case-by-case situation and you have to really pray that God gives you wisdom in this area.

I will say that girls with high n-counts will find it really hard to reform themselves in this area and it would probably be best to for you to avoid them altogether.

Willow-girl · 2019-01-03T06:06:31+00:00

especially due to the stigma in the church of having and (gasp) enjoying sex,

You should be just as concerned with this as you are with N-count. Your best shot at having a happy sex life is finding a wife who adores you and also enjoys sex. Then you are playing the game in easy mode! Obviously this is a bit more risky if you marry a virgin who has never actually experienced sex. If your fiancee isn't having trouble keeping her hands off you ... if she isn't looking forward enthusiastically to the wedding night ... you may have a problem. Or maybe not; I suspect most virgins who go into sex with a loving, committed partner to whom they're attracted go on to have healthy sex lives. OTOH, I've listened to enough Christian radio to know that entire ministries are dedicated to teaching Christian women how to have enthusiastic relations with their husbands, so seemingly this is a problem for some.

RedPillWonder · 2019-01-02T04:59:58+00:00

https://redd.it/9bbnsi

This was a post I put up awhile back that touches on some of the things you've brought up.

Make sure you also see the comment section. I think you'll find a good amount of what you're looking for there. For example, u/Deep_Strength has links to an article he wrote that compiles divorce factors.

Others include insight and advice from a variety of perspectives that I think you'll find helpful.

last girl I was involved with was a christian girl with decently high n-count

I'm curious. What number do you consider a decently high n-count for a woman?

Underdog891 · 2019-01-02T11:52:22+00:00

Yes.

SeamusAwl · 2019-01-02T17:28:38+00:00

lot of the professing christian women treated Christian men who respected them as their BB and were sleeping with the alpha on the side. The Christian guy never found out and some of these relationships supposedly lead to marriage. How does a Christian man know he isn't being played like this during the dating process?

Right here is the issue and n-count really doesn't matter at that point. The vast majority of Christian men are taught that they should be BBs to have a "Good and Godly marriage." Most christian women look at Proverbs 31 as their ideal. As well they should, but us men need to read it to because Lemuel's mother advised him to NOT be a BB with them. It is also her very first direction to her son.

Proverbs 31:3

Do not spend your strength to women,nor your ways to that which destroys kings.

However should n-count matter? Yes, because we know that it becomes more difficult for a woman to pair bond with each successive partner (say hello to Hosea and his whore wife). However if you do what the majority of pastors and churches advocate for how men should treat their wives, they will find their "alpha excitement" elsewhere because they are not getting it at home. Regardless of their n-count. Fortunately we know that God wants us Men to be the proverbial alpha for our wives (despite what we are taught at church). He also designed women in such a manner that when we do masculine things she gets the tingles.

With all that being said, it is still entirely possible that a girl with an n-count of 100+ would be a completely faithful and hold back nothing from her husband. While a virgin wife ends up being the office slut everywhere she worked while denying her husband any kind of sexual gratification.

helaughsinhidden · 2019-01-02T19:39:17+00:00

Said it before, woman are like cars.

If it has...

Salvage title (divorced)
Aged (approaching the wall or older than you)
Fleet owned (rode the CC or she spins plates)
Rental history (prostitute)
Multiple short term owners (she been abused and/or abusive)
Really high miles (N count)
A lien against the title (she has debt!)
Been repo'd (banktuptcy)
Been Stolen (drug use/abortions)
Makes funny noises right away (mental health issues)
Smell is off (bad chemistry doesn't get better)
High maintenance make/model. (takes a lot of money and makeup to keep up her look
Left over evidence of previous owner (other man's kids or assets)
Check engine light that won't clear (STD's bruh)

To be honest, I like a good used car vs new. I like to pay cash and don't mind doing a little of the work myself. I do thoroughly vet them and will travel almost anywhere in the US to pick them up because some cars are fun, rare, special, make you smile to drive them, and will hold or increase their value. I am currently contemplating flying to California to get a certain car because it's the only car like it for sale in the entire USA in such nice shape with a manual transmission.

However unless you are mechanically inclined yourself (solid, wise, mature, red pilled christian) or it's been completely washed by the blood of Jesus and every inch rebuilt by the Holy Spirit so that it's basically a new car sitting on an old frame, then be extremely cautious.

OUrocks · 2019-01-02T04:40:37+00:00

Tired and can’t really write a long response but here’s my logic

Mission is paramount > a wife can either help or hinder your mission > to have your mission hindered is bad > you must do everything you can to properly vet a wife > an aspect of vetting is sexual past

OsmiumZulu · 2019-01-02T18:10:37+00:00

Does it matter? Yes. Does it matter even half as much as the majority of the Manosphere makes it out to be? No.

There are so many factors involved here there is no clear cut answer.

Age: An 18 y/o with an n-count of 10 is a much bigger red flag than a 30 y/o with the same number.

Attitude: a hot woman with an n-count (who could easily rack up more) and is repentant about it is vastly different than the post-wall woman who is looking for bb to get off the cc with.

Background: was she raised in a proper Christian home but slept around anyway, or was she from a broken secular family and slept around before coming to Christ?

Point is this: ideally the n-count is zero. Realistically, in our broken post family post Christian society most women over 18 come with an n-count. MGTOW all you want, but the replacement rate of Westerners is already below sustainable and it doesn’t seem prudent to complain about the cooking quality while the bombs are falling on Pearl Harbor.

Jalakee · 2019-01-02T17:37:48+00:00

Unequivocally yes.

I married a virgin, and prior to my wife I was with many women. I say this not to be boastful, but I can tell you with confidence there is a marked, clear difference between the way my wife bonded with me and the way other women bonded with me. I was red pill long before I met my wife, too.

There are many objective and verified reasons why you should choose a woman with the least amount of sexual partners possible, illustrated here and elsewhere.

But subjectively--and excuse my crudeness--I can tell you I have NEVER had to field the thought of how many dicks or weird sexual positions or sperm plasterings my wife had before me. Her ability to bond with me physically and emotionally was, and remains, undiluted an pure. That is something special. That's not to say that it absolves you of adopting the red pill philosophy, it does not. All women have the same firmware. But, you are starting with a clean slate, so to speak.

I still thank God for this blessing. I certainly didnt deserve it by my virtue.

Willow-girl · 2019-01-02T04:46:26+00:00

I think you should look at a person in their entirety, including their N-count. A preacher's daughter who has racked up a dozen lovers by age 20 probably has a very different outlook than a girl with similar numbers who was raised by the Rainbow Family.

It helps to know what you're dealing with!

coachdad8 · 2019-01-02T20:41:06+00:00

Dalrock is the angriest and most bitter of the red pill writers so discard pretty much anything he writes.

Title	Is overlooking a female's sexual past foolish?
Author	Underdog891
Upvotes	14
Comments	63
Date	January 2, 2019 3:40 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RPChristians
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/abpgof/is_overlooking_a_females_sexual_past_foolish/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RPChristians/is-overlooking-a-females-sexual-past-foolish.301528 https://theredarchive.com/post/301528