Stats: ~13% BF, 5'9", 176lb, lifts (1RM - 468DL, 379SQ, 203 Bench, 176 OHP). BJJ was twice a week until the lockdowns started. I sourced 380lbs olympic weights, bar, squat rack & bench so the numbers above are my current lifts, not former max which was higher before losing a month of lifting to the 'rona lockdowns.
Reading: I've read most all of the content at this point, many of them multiple times, particularly NMMNG and WISNIFG many times
Finances: Good job, reasonably good side business given the current lockdowns, negligible debt on my part, though my wife still does whatever she wants there
Spiritual: I pray every morning and read scripture to the kids. Weekly zoom prayer meeting with fellas. Always looking for opportunities to share the faith but the past couple months, as everyone knows, has been weird socially.
Well, some of you have followed my various OYS posts. Haven't posted in awhile, though I haven't stopped working. Time through the lockdowns has been pretty productive; sourced gym equipment so I'm able to keep the lifting up. Work wise I've been working from home. I'll be back in OYS it looks like as I have new work to accomplish and direction to go.
Caught my wife facetiming another leader at her recovery group. The tone of the conversation instantly caught my ear, and the laughing and flirtatious conversation immediately put me on alert. This single man has absolutely no reason to have such close discussions with my wife, but she is OK with it. I've wondered about this guy before, but as he's also a realtor and she is one too (yep, they work together) she always blew it off as her coworker. The conversation was CLEARLY not that, although it wasn't overt either, as these things never are.
I remembered my NMMNG, WISNIFG, and strategos_autokrator lessons and assertively and clearly confronted her as soon as she was off and set an explicit boundary - I will not be married to a woman who has relationships with other men like that. The conversations are inappropriate, the relationship is inappropriate, it needs to end. She said she understood.
Well, that was about a month ago. I have since discovered that she didn't stop, she just took it underground. Tone would be fun and quiet in a private room, then when she heard me approaching, she'd go louder and end the call businesslike. He'd call at non-business times, I'd see the incoming call, she'd deny the call and say she didn't need to talk to her coworker right now. Then I'd leave the room and she'd be on the phone in hushed tones again. Nonstop texting day and night. Going to the office for her all day video class that she wasn't paying close attention to at home, turns out he was taking the same class and also there. Taking "listing" pictures for him for 5 hours only 20 minutes from here. The old phone protectiveness never went away (she's known him since she was filing for divorces so..) Collected a bunch of other evidence as well but that's not the point of this post - bottom line she went underground with it in a display of deceit.
I confronted her about it three nights ago. Asked her politely to completely end the relationship and the deception/lies of commission and omission. She refused. Said he's a "close friend" (remember, he was just a coworker before) of two and a half years, she's put her life on hold for this family and she's "not going back to that", whatever "that" means; I didn't ask. Said she lied about it because I would be jealous. I said I understood and that I'm done, I want out, won't stay married to someone who has a boyfriend. I know I talked too much - I should have just done it instead of talking, but old habits die hard I guess, and I definitely talked less than I once would have.
So, I'm looking for a rental (we have a bunch of kids, so I need to find a house ideally, and the rental market here is really not very large for what I need, but I'll find something) and working on the legalities, which I probably should have prepared ahead of time.
I was thinking this morning that if this had happened 3 years ago I think I would have not had the dignity to say goodbye. I would have accepted it under some sort of buffer excuse that cited being Christlike and waiting on God and being willing to forgive or something despite there being no change because I wouldn't have felt I had more options.
I do continue to pray that God might regenerate her and blast her with repentance here at the end, but absent some miraculous repentance down to the bones sort of event - I'm able to know that I don't have to be alone, but I can abound there or with someone, because I've got the Father, and that's OK. I'm able to know that I am actually a prize and have value and worth. I know that I need to get my head straight still after all this; even with the improvements I've seen, this choice on her part is a gut punch, but it's not really a surprising one after all the stuff of the past.
So I'm thankful for the materials and wisdom you guys have put together in all of this. They really changed the course of my life. Looking forward to getting back in OYS.
[–][deleted] 37 points38 points39 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]AnnaAerials5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]dilberryhoundog29 points30 points31 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]Red-CuriousMod | 35M | Married 11 yrs4 points5 points6 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]dilberryhoundog0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Red-CuriousMod | 35M | Married 11 yrs0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]dilberryhoundog0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]IsAllThisReal3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]redwall922 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]rocknrollchuckMod | 50M | Married 12 yrs21 points22 points23 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]IsAllThisReal11 points12 points13 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Willow-girlParticipation Trophy Wife-4 points-3 points-2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]IsAllThisReal15 points16 points17 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]johnmic0715 points16 points17 points (17 children) | Copy Link
[–]lololasaurusEndorsed | 37M | Married 8 Yrs[S] 18 points19 points20 points (16 children) | Copy Link
[–]redwall9210 points11 points12 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]lololasaurusEndorsed | 37M | Married 8 Yrs[S] 1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]redwall926 points7 points8 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]lololasaurusEndorsed | 37M | Married 8 Yrs[S] 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]lololasaurusEndorsed | 37M | Married 8 Yrs[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]IsAllThisReal3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]CommGeekGirl10 points11 points12 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]PrincepsOmni6 points7 points8 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]Red-CuriousMod | 35M | Married 11 yrs1 point2 points3 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]PrincepsOmni2 points3 points4 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]Red-CuriousMod | 35M | Married 11 yrs[M] 0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]PrincepsOmni3 points4 points5 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Red-CuriousMod | 35M | Married 11 yrs[M] 2 points3 points4 points (3 children) | Copy Link
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[–]Continuous-Metanoia12 points13 points14 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Rifleshoot7 points8 points9 points (20 children) | Copy Link
[–]lololasaurusEndorsed | 37M | Married 8 Yrs[S] 18 points19 points20 points (19 children) | Copy Link
[–]Rifleshoot-1 points0 points1 point (18 children) | Copy Link
[–]lololasaurusEndorsed | 37M | Married 8 Yrs[S] 12 points13 points14 points (15 children) | Copy Link
[–]DrPsychGainz10 points11 points12 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]JadedByEntropy2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]lololasaurusEndorsed | 37M | Married 8 Yrs[S] 6 points7 points8 points (6 children) | Copy Link
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[–]lololasaurusEndorsed | 37M | Married 8 Yrs[S] 5 points6 points7 points (3 children) | Copy Link
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[–]lololasaurusEndorsed | 37M | Married 8 Yrs[S] 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]FlyingBaratoplata-1 points0 points1 point (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]lololasaurusEndorsed | 37M | Married 8 Yrs[S] 6 points7 points8 points (3 children) | Copy Link
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[–]lololasaurusEndorsed | 37M | Married 8 Yrs[S] 4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
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[–]DrPsychGainz4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Red-CuriousMod | 35M | Married 11 yrs0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]CaucasianPanther20 points21 points22 points (1 child) | Copy Link
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[–]DrPsychGainz6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]IsAllThisReal3 points4 points5 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]lololasaurusEndorsed | 37M | Married 8 Yrs[S] 8 points9 points10 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]RedPillWonderMod | American man5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sywonsmumu4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SkimTheDrossEndorsed | 38M | Married 15 yrs5 points6 points7 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]lololasaurusEndorsed | 37M | Married 8 Yrs[S] 6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Willow-girlParticipation Trophy Wife0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]aoe2redditacc1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]kellykebab0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]lololasaurusEndorsed | 37M | Married 8 Yrs[S] 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]kellykebab5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]PrincepsOmni0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]agoodcrayon-2 points-1 points0 points (24 children) | Copy Link
[–]lololasaurusEndorsed | 37M | Married 8 Yrs[S] 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]agoodcrayon2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (19 children) | Copy Link
[–]agoodcrayon0 points1 point2 points (18 children) | Copy Link
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[–]Willow-girlParticipation Trophy Wife-1 points0 points1 point (16 children) | Copy Link
[–]agoodcrayon3 points4 points5 points (15 children) | Copy Link
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[–]agoodcrayon1 point2 points3 points (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]Willow-girlParticipation Trophy Wife0 points1 point2 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]SkimTheDrossEndorsed | 38M | Married 15 yrs0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]maximillian2-1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ThatOddMan-1 points0 points1 point (16 children) | Copy Link
[–]lololasaurusEndorsed | 37M | Married 8 Yrs[S] 2 points3 points4 points (13 children) | Copy Link
[–]ThatOddMan-5 points-4 points-3 points (12 children) | Copy Link
[–]lololasaurusEndorsed | 37M | Married 8 Yrs[S] 5 points6 points7 points (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]ThatOddMan-4 points-3 points-2 points (10 children) | Copy Link
[–]lololasaurusEndorsed | 37M | Married 8 Yrs[S] 3 points4 points5 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]ThatOddMan-3 points-2 points-1 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]lololasaurusEndorsed | 37M | Married 8 Yrs[S] 1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]ThatOddMan0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]lololasaurusEndorsed | 37M | Married 8 Yrs[S] 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]SkimTheDrossEndorsed | 38M | Married 15 yrs0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]ThatOddMan-1 points0 points1 point (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]SkimTheDrossEndorsed | 38M | Married 15 yrs2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]DrPsychGainz2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]lololasaurusEndorsed | 37M | Married 8 Yrs[S] 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AnnaAerials-4 points-3 points-2 points (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]lololasaurusEndorsed | 37M | Married 8 Yrs[S] 6 points7 points8 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]AnnaAerials0 points1 point2 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]lololasaurusEndorsed | 37M | Married 8 Yrs[S] 8 points9 points10 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]AnnaAerials2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]lololasaurusEndorsed | 37M | Married 8 Yrs[S] 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]DrPsychGainz2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]AnnaAerials0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Continuous-Metanoia0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]lololasaurusEndorsed | 37M | Married 8 Yrs[S] 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AnnaAerials2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]lololasaurusEndorsed | 37M | Married 8 Yrs[S] 16 points17 points18 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]ENTPunisher6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]johnmic076 points7 points8 points (2 children) | Copy Link
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[–]johnmic076 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sureshot19885 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SkimTheDrossEndorsed | 38M | Married 15 yrs0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link