Creating a soft place to land for my SO has been my conscious focus over the past few months, since discovering RPW. It has also been my unconscious aim since I met him. We now live together, and I would like to share a few ideas that I know that he appreciates. Many of these also apply to couples who do not cohabitate.

I have heard some women say they will cook and clean for their husband and no one else. How can your SO know what an awesome wife you will be if you don’t show off this side of your commitment to a relationship? Start as you mean to finish.

Home Environment

This is possibly the most obvious. The home environment should be:

Clean: Even a quick tidy as you get home from work will make the home a nicer place in which to live. If you are visiting his home, a simple act like doing the dishes will not go unnoticed. There are some awesome cleaning schedules available to those who have an hour or so each day free to clean.

Comfortable: Your SO should not feel as though he is unwelcome in your and/or his home. Be accommodating of muddy workboots on clean floors, or suit jackets thrown over the back of chairs. Think about what really matters! There are some interesting points on treating your SO as a guest in this article. If you wouldn’t get irritated at a visitor, why get irritated with the man you love most in the world?

Organised (if need be): My SO is rather disorganised. He appreciates me doing things like sorting bills into paid/unpaid piles and reorganizing bookshelves. Be careful you don’t step across the line from helpful to meddling. For those of you cohabitating, or planning to, check out this awesome post on creating a household binder

Undemanding: Put jobs and chores that need doing to the side as much as possible. They shouldn’t be glaring your SO in the face every time he walks through the door. Trust that he will get to them in his own time. For example, if he has agreed to do the dishes but hasn’t gotten around to it, rather than do them yourself (which could be considered, as long is your SO wouldn’t perceive your behaviour as passive aggressive), just stack them in piles neatly by the sink. If for whatever reason you need help with more chores, have a look at Laura Doyle’s article. But don’t nag, either overtly using words, or covertly, by purposefully leaving “his” undone chores front and centre.

Your Demeanor

Everyone is different, and your SO may prefer different traits. Remember who you were when he fell in love with you, and try to bring some of those (often fun, girlish) traits back into your relationship. No one is paying him to spend time with you! Make it worth his while. These are my top 3 attributes that I think most men appreciate in their girlfriends/wives.

Pleasant: Be happy, friendly, and a good listener. Don’t whinge, whine or bitch. If you want to chat about an issue, frame it in a way where you are approaching your SO looking for a solution, rather than just endlessly going over how you dislike a person/situation. Be a fun person to be around!

Well Put-together: Not every man wants the 50s look, the classy look, or even a girl who wears makeup! But being clean and presentable is an absolute must, in any relationship. If you are young, start thinking now about what you can do to age well in future.

Undemanding: Don’t nag, keep score or control. Seriously. These, along with withholding sex and affection, will do the absolute most damage to an otherwise happy and healthy relationship. I'm not going to link here, go and read The Surrendered Wife, if you haven't already.

His Needs

I am not going to go overboard here and recommend you do a total 50s housewife welcome [when your husband gets home from work each day] (http://www.colorado.edu/AmStudies/lewis/film/gdhwife.htm). Of course, if you believe that making sure the washing machine is not running when he gets home will make for a smoother relationship, by all means go for it! But these are the main needs for most men, and if you choose to provide them, you will generally have a happier, more relaxed and more receptive SO.

Food: Whether you both work, or if you are a home-maker, having food readily available will make your man’s day. Whether this means you do the shopping, the cooking or both, make sure this need is being met.

Sex: Remember, this is a need, not a want. It should be treated as such. Do your best to be receptive and understand that this is a priority for most men. I can’t stress this enough. If you don’t meet this need, expect him to go elsewhere. If you weren’t cooking him dinner each night, you wouldn’t be surprised if he went to get takeout occasionally…

A Listening Ear: If he needs to vent about a work day, or just talk through some problems, listen closely. Take yourself out of the equation and really try to hear what he is trying to say. Listen to understand, not to respond

Time To Himself: If he wants to workout, visit friends, or play computer games he should not have to feel that he owes an apology to you. Make sure you give the impression that his time is entirely his own. If you want to spend time with him, arrange a time, date and activity and let him know in advance. Otherwise, you have no right to be disappointed if he chooses to engage in another activity of his choice! Don’t be like this guy’s fiancé…

Lastly, I know you may be a busy, working woman. I personally work part time, as well as study full time. I would love to create another post at a later date about creating a soft place to land for the busy woman. I just couldn’t fit everything into the one post! If you possibly could:

  1. Post your own tips and tricks in the comments, I’d love to compile them into a master post (with username attributions of course!)
  2. If you have anything you think should be added to this original post, let me know also!

EDIT: Formatting