Surprising male generosity/chivalry after applying RP as a woman

LeilaintheDark · 2018-04-07T02:15:24+00:00

I have been working in my non-verbal support of my husband as he seems to be going through a transition to self employment and I think finding himself to an extent. I've focused on not talking more cuddling arm grabbing hand holding kissing or back rubbing. This has lifted him up and he's more affectionate, tonight we went for a night walk and my feet hurt so he gave me a piggy back ride for the rest of it which turned into him carrying me through the front door and carrying me to bed. He's also opening up more to me about alot which I've been wanting for a long time. He's always held doors for me or if there isn't a seat I sit on his lap lol.

LeilaintheDark · 2018-04-07T11:45:06+00:00

The less I look for ways to justify my wants and desires - the more I openly and honestly say what I want - the less issues I have with him. Previously, I would explain why I needed what I wanted, or I would try to find ways to almost manipulate it out of him. It nearly always went poorly.

Since reading The Surrendered Wife bit about this, I don't explain. I just say what I want, what I need, or tell him (without apologising) when I've gone ahead and gotten an item I needed. I was so afraid it would erupt into arguments, but it has been amazing. Whereas before, he would get so upset when he sensed me trying to sneak or weasel my way into getting something, now - he is totally okay with it.

I think what bothered him was feeling like I was trying to outsmart him, and feeling like I didn't believe he would provide for me. Now that I'm direct, he's happy to give me what I need.

TheLaughingRhino · 2018-04-07T14:10:21+00:00

"I often feel like I'm not worth it"

I've seen variations of this comment and reaction over time, not just within the various subreddits.

I have always taken many topics here back to the tried and true "Hunter/Gatherer?Cavepeople" Matrix, because much of how we behave is biological imperative/survival instinct.

One large reason why many women are uncomfortable with "generous" men is that if he gives so freely, will he do the same to another woman, to other people, at the detriment to our children/future children?

From a survival standpoint, every bit of resource he allocates out, is one not going into the mouth of your children. It creates anxiety and discomfort in women. They are hardwired to constantly assess the security and safety of their children above all else.

I've traveled the world. I've seen different cultures. I've dated women across all types. I've talked to lots of people at different social status levels, careers, etc, etc.

Here is a sentiment many men feel but will never say.

A man with a decent amount of experience will calibrate over time how to "manage a woman" in a relationship. In Red Pill terms, this is called "Push/Pull" Meaning sometimes you give high doses of attention and caring and whatnot. And much of the time, you basically ignore her. This works well for guys where this is their natural disposition. But for many guys, it's not, and it's basically walking into an ambush.

Do you want me to say it? OK, I'll say it.

If a man is a little too kind and generous to a woman, she'll eventually resent him for it. Much of it ties back to the resource allocation to her children scenario. It's instinctive.

This is what many men think and don't say - If I have to treat her basically like crap maybe 40-65 percent of the time, just to keep things civil, then why even bother?

Gary Chapman, who wrote The Five Love Languages, cites "gift giving" as one of the communication styles people use. Some people it's their natural state. Men are biologically hard wired to provide and protect.

Should you be socially graceful when you receive these things? Sure. There's no point in arguing over it.

But, sadly, over time, it's very likely you will resent him for it, deep down. It will not likely calibrate as such openly, you just will find over time, you don't like how it feels.

If he wants to sustain your relationship, he needs to stop. The tough part is you can't make him stop nor tell him to stop.

Funny story, well maybe not so funny. I was asked once, when I was in South America for work, by a local there - Why are kind people abused so badly in your country?

Kindness in Western terms opens you up for open attack. Generosity in Western terms opens you up for open attack. Listening to people, really listening to them, in Western terms, opens you up for open attack.

These are no longer seen as social virtues, but some kind of indicator of a personal flaw in the person. I'm not saying I feel that way, just how people often treat it.

unicorn__juice · 2018-04-07T11:59:07+00:00

I’d always taken pride in my ability to provide wholly for myself/not rely on anyone (due to childhood experiences) etc. When I became comfortable accepting help/chivalry/random acts of kindness from my SO, they started happening more regularly. Eg. SO cooks dinner occasionally- I thank him lavishly and ask if he needs assistance, rather than taking over the cooking. Practicing gracious acceptance of generosity is as importance as giving generously imo :)

gretamine · 2018-04-07T02:44:43+00:00

The area I live in has always been kind of traditional (a medium-ish city in western Canada) so men have always been chivalrous to me and other women. I'm a little scared to move cuz of how I've seen people in big cities behaving

Title	Surprising male generosity/chivalry after applying RP as a woman
Author	LeilaintheDark
Upvotes	31
Comments	16
Date	April 7, 2018 1:42 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/8aevne/surprising_male_generositychivalry_after_applying/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/surprising-male-generositychivalry-after-applying.2805 https://theredarchive.com/post/2805