When I first saw the redpill, I was disgusted. It all seemed so vile and wrong and was relieved to find the blue pill.

Yet I kept going through TRP top posts and some things kind of made sense, other things really made me think.

First off, I'm totally against sexism and ignorant prejudice. I don't believe women are lesser beings, compulsive liars or whores who wish to be dominated. There are good people and bad people, of all sexes and races.

I am also against deceiving or manipulating women or anyone really, I don't wish to hurt anybody and doing so makes me feel terrible.

That being said I am a 22 year old male, I've only had 2 girlfriends and I definitely feel like both used me. I was a 'beta' almost my entire life and only recently have started treating myself with respect.

I'm in the strange situation of being reasonably attractive. I'm 6'4", okay face, but a body that has gotten me a lot of attention from the opposite sex. I have absolutely zero game though, I have negative game, I'd probably get more girls if I didn't have a mouth, this is due to my social anxiety that crippled me for years.

My life has been a mix of TRP and TBP and I never evern realised it. First TRP stuff:

  • I was a total beta in high school, I liked one girl the entire 6 years and when she started making advances I cockblocked myself because I was scared.

  • When I was 19 I started getting better looking. Girl wined and dined me then asked me out, I felt like she just used me to show me off though and she cheated on me 4 months later.

  • Post abs to reddit, girls sending me nudes every time I post, don't ask for em, don't even want to reciprocate. Enjoy attention though.

  • 21, some confidence, dated the shit out of this girl (picnics, walks on the beach) slept with her on date 7. She slept with her ex after date 2 (but was like oops soz), she had 35 sexual partners before me, introduced me to 2 ex-bfs on our first meeting and made out with 2 girls while we where dating then dumped me.

This is where I go TRP, I don't think her behavior was okay, I know I shouldn't have stuck around and I'm not blaming her, but that definitely shouldn't be seen as productive, healthy behaviour. 35 partners before you're 20? Guy, girl, any person and I would be off put by this fact.

  • Come top of my class, win awards at martial arts demos, get even better body, confidence rising. Go out to club and girl is making out with me 40 seconds after meeting her, hands in my pants, 3rd girl I ever kissed, don't know her name. Totally blew my mind.
  • Using dating site, no luck for a year, change pic to a douchey bathroom selfie, date this sunday.

  • still socially anxious pathetic loser. Sitting in computer lab, talking to a girl lusting over a 5' bald dude. Too scared to talk to other girl, she introduces herself, awkward conversation.

All these factors, including advice I get from my womanizing friends irl, point towards TRP. The Red Pill talks about improving your self-worth and I totally, totally want to better myself, I also never want to get walked on again and reading some TRP examples from top, impressive.

The Blue Pill stuff:

  • Again deceiving, manipulation or just being mean in general is not something I want to engage in. I feel shame whenever I act egotistical and post selfies but obviously not enough. I strive to always be the opposite of those things

  • I'm not interested in one night stands, they disgust me and I didn't enjoy my first time with either gf (later I did though)

  • I enjoy romance, im not good at it. I want to respect my date (but want it to be reciprocated) I don't mind being nice without getting anything in return, as long as I don't get used.

  • I don't like posting shirtless pics, I don't like clubbing, I don't like using 'alpha tactics' and being like "mm yea girl I know you want it" I wish I could talk about design or science, while drinking hot choclate and building cool shit out of legos, but I'd be doing those things alone.

I've never been with anyone I loved and only felt validated but not satisfied. I don't think I want to be TRP, but I don't want to be alone more, and if I begin to believe TRP is a viable route, I will probably employ it. So I'm asking for guidance, my mind is changing sides constantly.

Posting this in both subs.

EDIT: I've read and replied to most comments in each thread. Both where very different but niether was negative.

First The Red Pill.

I've received some really interesting advice actually. Advice that was truly enlightening and changed my attitude completely. These users didn't seem to hate or resent women, they understood that their are social behaviours that increase your attractiveness (such as being hard working, determined and focus) I believe TRP offers advice that can be useful, without being sexist, hateful or hurting any person.

There where a few posters who compared courting women to training dogs, and admitted their resentment and bitterness towards women and the game. I need no anger or bitterness in my life and completely disagree with these sentiments.

Overall TRP was "take what you need and leave the rest"

Now the Blue Pill.

Every comment I am in agreeance with. TBP and TRP both agree that working hard, being confident and getting yourself out there are great things.

The blue pill, understandably offers no such advice to cultivating these habits however and all advice I received was generalized and not very helpful unfortunately. Again TBP is a parody and isn't expected to give out such information.

In conclusion, I'm still purple. TRP seems very energetic and driven in the community. This attitude really helped motivate me, I wish I could start my own subreddit like this without any sexist, and disgusting content, but I have no proven results.

I see myself using the relevant guides (like how to be more confident and social) in conjunction with r/decidingtobetter and r/getdisciplined.

I can also see myself visiting the blue pill because holy shit, some people really hate women?

TLDR still purple less confused