Summary:
This essay discusses what women really mean when they complain that they "can't find a decent guy" in the dating market.
Body:
There's a post on r-dating titled Where can I meet a genuinely good guy?, which sparked controversy among some men because the woman in question claimed to be young, fit, educated, and a virgin - a "quality woman" worth dating long-term - and therefore she didn't deserve to be mocked for wanting a "good man" like say, post-wall single moms wanting the same.
Now if we assume for the sake of discussion that she's indeed a snowflake and isn't some chubby bitch who uses God's Loophole to stay "pure", then to everyone's credit, she's not as bad as most other content posted. Nevertheless she deserved to be exposed for being part of the problem of her predicament and here's why:
Quality women who complain about being single have unreasonable expectations and they're extremely picky, and therefore they reject most decent men while whining that they "can't find a decent guy".
The more of a "good catch" she claims to be, the more she is chasing Chad, and she's rejecting the vast majority of decent men who would make a suitable partner all because he isn't the Chris Hemsworth or Morris Chestnut she thinks she deserves.
One of the reasons men were objecting to the post is because they use their personal experience of scarcity with women and mistakenly assume that women experience the same kind of scarcity whenever she complains about being single. Men in general only get meager amounts of attention and compliments from women, but women always have an overabundance of men vying for their affections. And this overabundance of attention and thirsty behavior causes women to have an inflated sense of self-worth, when their actual SMV may be much lower.
The other thing to remember is that women date up. So unlike men who are capable of dating women both above and below his SMV, once a woman gets complimented or fucked by a man whose SMV is higher than hers, she will feel entitled to men of equal or greater value, and will ignore any men she perceives is of lower value. This explains in part why many single moms won't settle even though they're out of their prime, and why fat women make demands as if they were supermodels.
So as it relates to our apparent snowflake, you can be sure that she has rejected numerous decent men who are a better match for her than she "feelz". But unsatisfied that her dating prospects aren't perfect enough, she goes online asking "Why can't I find a decent guy?", with those to whom she asks not knowing that her idea of a decent guy is Chad.
It's also worth mentioning that attractive women who complain about being single usually have that one guy friend who thinks the world of her, but she would rather string him along for attention and favors while giving the jerks a 5th chance to hurt her feelings. Then when she's hitting the Wall and the jerks still won't commit, she whines about how her dreams of marriage and a family are "out of her reach", as if the jerks she kept choosing were her only options.
Conclusion:
Don't be deceived by a quality woman's claims of scarcity and "no luck" in the dating market. She has numerous Good Men who make themselves available to her for dating, but she rejects them because they're not tall enough, or handsome enough, or doesn't have enough tattoos, or doesn't make enough money, or is "too nice". Like most women in western society, her idea of a "decent guy" is the top 20%, and so she's ever chasing the most handsome, exciting man on the market and expecting him to have Nice Guy traits. But it's not until her SMV tanks and she needs a bailout does she want those same Nice Guys she rejected to "treat me with respect and honor as it should be".
And in many cases, these women aren't even "quality" women. They're 5s, 6s and 7s whose inflated sense of self-worth via an overabundance of attention makes them behave as if they were 9s and 10s. They need to lower their standards and reconsider those decent men who don't check off their laundry list of demands.
All that said, one good way that the Nice Guys can keep their date interested and committed is to give her the emotional push-pull dynamic by balancing being "nice" (attentive, compliments, flowers), and being a "jerk" (withdraw attention, criticizing her, not letting her have her way). If he's "too nice", she'll get bored and go back to the bad boys.
When in doubt, err on the side of "jerk".
For anyone interested, I created a sub called r-WhereAreAllTheGoodMen which pokes fun at single moms and women who complain that they "can't find a decent guy".
[–]2Overkillengine147 points148 points149 points (16 children) | Copy Link
[–]2CasaDeFranco21 points22 points23 points (12 children) | Copy Link
[–]truedemocracy315 points16 points17 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]2CasaDeFranco8 points9 points10 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]fastnail2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Marino4K0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AllahHatesFags0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]marplaneit32 points33 points34 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]fastnail4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Thinkforyerself1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]dinnerwithfunions0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]fastnail0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sonder_one5 points6 points7 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Sumsar011 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MemphisBro 1 points1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]wadsworthsucks26 points27 points28 points (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]PID1_ 1 points1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]wadsworthsucks4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Alleycat0-1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]RandomePerson0 points1 point2 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]wadsworthsucks1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]rpsheepdog0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]RandomePerson1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]rpsheepdog2 points3 points4 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]RandomePerson1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]rpsheepdog0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]RandomePerson2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]1cappadocianhawk318 points319 points320 points (74 children) | Copy Link
[–]halfback910339 points340 points341 points (60 children) | Copy Link
[–]1cappadocianhawk158 points159 points160 points (40 children) | Copy Link
[–]The__Tren__Train43 points44 points45 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]dDiegoDLV26 points27 points28 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AllahHatesFags0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]marplaneit0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]halfback91047 points48 points49 points (30 children) | Copy Link
[–]1cappadocianhawk9 points10 points11 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]THEnimble_mongoose9 points10 points11 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]1cappadocianhawk4 points5 points6 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheSelfGoverned1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]halfback9104 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Westwood_12 points3 points4 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]halfback9104 points5 points6 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Westwood_16 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]halfback9102 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]rathyAro1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]halfback9104 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]a_desert_creature0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]1KyfhoMyoba0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]halfback9100 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TriggeringEveryone-1 points0 points1 point (12 children) | Copy Link
[–]halfback91011 points12 points13 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheRealJesusChristus2 points3 points4 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]fastnail0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]TheRealJesusChristus0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]1KyfhoMyoba0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]fastnail0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]halfback9100 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheRealJesusChristus5 points6 points7 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheRealJesusChristus4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]fastnail0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]1Ramesses_6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]fastnail1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]botsquash0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]abnegavalence38 points39 points40 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]GoodThingsGrowInOnt7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Senior Endorsed Contributormax_peenor13 points14 points15 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]a_desert_creature4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BewareTheOldMan10 points11 points12 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]truedemocracy33 points4 points5 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]adirp 1 points1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]truedemocracy30 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]fastnail0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]truedemocracy30 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheDevilsAdvokaat2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]von_dutch 1 points1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]volunteervancouver2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]tokinbl1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]fastnail0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]HobbitForest0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]cowpantz18 points19 points20 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]simpleafk17 points18 points19 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]fastnail0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheReformist9430 points31 points32 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]fastnail0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]The_Noble_Lie10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]stonepepe2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Alleycat00 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Luckylancer960 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]1Jaereth9 points10 points11 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Luckylancer960 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]1Jaereth0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon133 points134 points135 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Senior Endorsed Contributormax_peenor32 points33 points34 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]2kevin32[S] 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]IwannaFocus80 points81 points82 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]Paladin290320 points21 points22 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]DrankOfSmell1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]fastnail0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Chaddeus_Rex1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 23 points24 points25 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]fastnail0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]askmrcia102 points103 points104 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]TimmyD8012 points13 points14 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]BewareTheOldMan14 points15 points16 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]thewrecker813 points14 points15 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ProductivityMonster6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]adirp 1 points1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]BewareTheOldMan8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Senior Endorsed Contributormax_peenor11 points12 points13 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]1dongpal1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]DrankOfSmell3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Endorsed Contributormallardcove46 points47 points48 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]p_and_q31 points32 points33 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]lala_xyyz4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SickOfIt5182 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]BewareTheOldMan0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BewareTheOldMan3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]botsquash0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]RedPilledRoaster23 points24 points25 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]justgotalpha33 points34 points35 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]mrbluesdude36 points37 points38 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 32 points33 points34 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]ozenmacher6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]GoodThingsGrowInOnt4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]mrbluesdude1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]kasper1381 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]justgotalpha4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]syn1us6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]chances_are_ur_a_fag7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]francisco_DANKonia5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]THEnimble_mongoose7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Dethklokk18 points19 points20 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]1dongpal5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Dethklokk19 points20 points21 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BewareTheOldMan0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 7 points8 points9 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]tosayhello9 points10 points11 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Paladin29037 points8 points9 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Marino4K2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 13 points14 points15 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]2kevin32[S] 3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted]9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 14 points15 points16 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheTrenTrannyTrain12 points13 points14 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]RedMastermind2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]d15602 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Bing_Bang_Bam4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Emmenthalreddit3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MrTrizzles2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]suxxos6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ChivaLegend1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]anon_nonapplicable2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ProFriendZoner2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]kasper1380 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Katayani1080 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]st3roids0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]1Jaereth0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points0 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MaggieMoon_Shine-1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]grewapair-3 points-2 points-1 points (0 children) | Copy Link