Intro:

I responded to an AskTRP post a few days ago where someone asked “what makes girls chase you?”. OP claimed to be boring, as a conversationalist, and also claimed to be a nice guy. I don’t doubt that he is a very boring, very nice guy. I wanted to flesh out my reply a bit more in its own post, as I’ve been reading TRP for awhile and have yet to contribute to the main sub. I want to preface this with some housekeeping as to who this is for and why I do it, so feel free to skip to the “How I open” if you want to get to the bulk of it.

I tend to have women get emotionally invested in me very quickly – in a good way. I should stress that this is absolutely not a guide on manipulating people and pulling strings to get people to do what you want. It is a way of interacting that gets people invested in you because you are someone they want to be around. You are opinionated, you feel strongly about things, you dislike certain things, you hate certain things, you do not accept all beliefs as valid, and you are someone that is able to articulate yourself in thoughtful ways that make other people want to hear more. This is one style among a variety of viable ways to speak and interact with people.

Lifting helps, obviously, but there are multiple layers to attraction and the emotional almost always outweighs the physical (assuming you are a man talking to a woman). Lifting will ease the initial interaction and open up women being receptive to you that may not have been in the past – I can speak first hand to this. Lifting is not going to make a boring guy more interesting, but combined with speaking emotionally it will create a man that women will chase.

A lot of guys on here complain about “women are so boring, I have nothing in common with any of them”. It is true, there are boring women out there. It is also entirely possible that YOU are boring.

Who this is not for:

  • Men who want to primarily have sex through one-night stands
  • Men who want to take the “idgaf because nothing affects me” approach
  • Men who pursue platonic relationships with women

This is not a recipe for one-night stands, as that isn’t really my thing at this point in my life. For me, I prefer sex after a couple nights of hanging out. When we fuck, it is always better sex than fucking a girl the same night I met her. Nothing against guys who prefer one night stands, as I have friends who like that and are good at it. I just prefer emotionally fueled flings that usually end in heartbreak.

This is also not for “funny guys”. Humor is very important, but I wanted to specifically address the purpose of it in my style of game. I generally avoid being the goofy comedian type because you just end up becoming a jester that no one wants to fuck. You’re not there to entertain them with stupid knock knock or dad jokes - you want to make them laugh with emotion behind it. Dry sarcasm and dark humor goes a long way.

Anyway, housekeeping is done so on to the meat of it. This is going to follow a rough outline of what my night would be like at a bar with a medium amount of people. I tend to avoid clubs because they are more geared toward one night stands and banging club girls because you’re the biggest guy in the room. For those interested in that, you probably won’t get much out of this. I will use examples from a recent interaction I had with a girl.

How I open:

This can change, but I don’t really think about it too much. If I’m with a wingman, which I generally recommend, I’ll pull him over and say to the woman/group, “Have you met {friend}?”. They’ll say “no, who is he?” - he steps in and introduces himself, and we’re all talking. That’s it. Some others that work, because it really doesn’t matter:

  • “Hey, I’m {name}. Should I be talking to you?” - Qualifying question.
  • “I wanted to say hi before I leave.” - I’m not sticking around (relocate her later).
  • “Who the fuck are you?” - May have mixed results.

Just say something. Do not overthink this. I’d avoid going with too much of a comical tone because of reasons I mentioned earlier. If you are confident it will make her laugh, go for it, but if she sees you as a funny guy that she doesn’t take seriously it can be hard to come back from that.

Generic Responses:

Alright, you said something and you’re talking. The first few minutes are general “where are you from, what do you do, blah blah i don't care” to get the wheels moving. Move through this quickly, as you don’t want the conversation to linger on questions that make it feel like an interview. Once formalities are out of the way, ask her something that you can actually weigh in on. Here would be an example.

Me - “Have you done anything fun in the city recently?”

Her - “OMG I just went to a country music concert. It was amazing. Do you like country music?”

Here is where most guys fuck up. They agree, immediately, even if they don’t like country music. Most men will say something along the lines of:

“Totally. Country music is great. We should go to a concert together sometime!”

Well done man, you just became her best platonic guy friend. There are multiple things wrong with a response like this (again, assuming you don’t actually like what she’s talking about - in this case I hate country music). First, you’re agreeing just to agree and you risk being called out on it if she asks who your favorite musicians are. You think she’ll like that you have something in common. Almost every single guy she’s told this story to has said something identical to this shit response. Here’s your second problem - she doesn't know you. She doesn’t trust you. She doesn’t want to go to a concert with you because she just met you. Now you’re encroaching on being creepy because you haven’t built any comfort with her to suggest hanging out. Even if she agrees, she’s generally just being nice under the assumption that she’ll never see you again, or if she does it will be just as friends.

Giving negative pushback:

My response would be something like this:

“Concerts are a lot of fun, but honestly I think country music is terrible. It all sounds the same, the lyrics are lazy, and I don’t really care that some hillbilly likes to drive a truck and beat up his wife.” I used this response a few days ago. I pushed back on the things she liked that I didn’t like. I let her know that while it is cool she pursues stuff she likes, and we have something in common with enjoying concerts, I still dislike that type of music and can explain why.

If you are going to state that you dislike something that she likes, you want to give clear reasons why (country music all sounds the same) while sometimes sprinkling in a joke (singing about beating up his wife). You also do not want her to feel dumb for liking whatever it is you are talking about. Do not say something like, “haha you must have terrible taste in music” because you just end up sounding like an elitist douche. Explain why you don’t like it and move on to something you do like. It is important to reiterate this again - I am not advocating that you put people down for the things they like. You are simply letting her know that you think country music is terrible, not that you think she is terrible for liking it.

Exercise:

Try to think of 3 common things you hear girls talking about that you know you dislike. Examples could be shows on Bravo, stupid diets, whatever. Write down that you dislike them. Now, for each one, write 3-5 lines on why you dislike them. Make sure you are very clear in your reasons, and try to format it in a short, easy to reiterate paragraph that you can say out loud with confidence.

Example:

“I can’t stand the real housewives shows. Andy as a host is a boring and generic gay man that middle aged women think they’d love to be friends with. The women on the show are just a bunch of harpies squawking at each other over petty stuff, but I get that for some people it is trashy TV that takes their mind off of work.”

You understand why some people like the show, but you have no issue explaining why you don’t. Once you get used to talking this way, women will experience a variety of emotions while speaking to you. You will run the gambit of positive and negative emotions. A lot of guys are under the assumption that you need to always find things in common, only speak positively, and agree with everything she is saying. At the end of the article I will go into further detail about why this is a mistake.

Expressing interests:

Let's take another example: you have a hobby you feel strongly about. I’m not talking about watching football, because almost every fucking guy she’s talked to since the age of 14 watches football. This is where a lot of guys get lost.

I like art. I have a few pieces I’ve collected over the years, and I try to hit art museums every time I’m in a new city. There are a few ways I can present this to a woman I’m talking to when she asks what I like to do.

Examples:

  • “I like art.”
  • “I go to art museums and shows. Not everyone gets art the way I do, it's really an acquired taste.”
  • “I’m really into art actually. I don’t always understand what I’m looking at, but I don’t care. Have you heard of the Barnes Museum in Philly? It's really interesting. This doctor, who retired pretty early because of a patent he came up with, started collecting art by sending his assistant over to Europe to buy what was popular at the time. The assistant ended up coming back with pieces from Van Gogh and Renoir, who have pretty similar styles. Anyway, the doctor becomes obsessed with collecting art and builds his entire house around his ridiculous art collection. Before he died, he put it in his will that the only way the art could be moved was if it was kept the way he organized it. So the city of Philly acquired the collection, and they rebuilt his entire house inside the new building downtown. They brought over everything, including the original wallpaper, door handles, along with all the paintings. So you’re literally walking through this guys house seeing how he laid everything out in specific ways. Pretty sure he was a lunatic and a genius at the same time.”

Which one shows that you have more depth than a ferret? Which one demonstrates that you don’t just have a hobby, but that you actually give a shit about it? Which one shows that you’re an opinionated person who expresses himself clearly and thoughtfully because you put effort into the things you do? Again, almost every single guy will respond with either #1 or #2 - one makes them sound boring, and the other makes them sound like a douche trying to impress someone.

I use this example because it is something I am actually passionate about. I don’t have to be talking to someone else who is also into art in order for this story to make an impact. Almost every single time I tell this story, the person I’m talking to says it sounds awesome and they really want to see it next time they’re in Philly. They like that I actually know the history behind it, and can speak to it beyond “yeah the paintings are pretty dope I guess”. If they are also into art, this builds comfort and interest very quickly because it is showing that I value something they do.

Again, I am by no means an art critique. I do not understand art technique, nor do I paint. I don’t critique classic art and talk about the trope of the modern artist. I just like looking at it, I know why, and I can articulate that.

Exercise:

Write down three things you really like doing, watching, listening to, visiting, whatever. Skip sports and video games for now. Once you have your short list, try to flesh out why you like it, and include something you know about it that other people don’t. Extend “I like sculptures” into a 4-5 sentence paragraph about why you like it. This may sound trivial, but this is what separates you from guys who carry on boring conversations.

Once you learn to articulate yourself this way, it will build emotional connections with women almost subconsciously. She is feeling emotions while talking to you because you speak with emotion. Now, before everyone jumps down my throat with “lol beta bux” or some dumb shit, I want to stress that I am not advocating being overly emotional. This is not a call to get upset over little things, to become overly invested in what she thinks about you, or to be an emotional tampon for her. You are simply showing that you feel a certain way about different things, which is not the same as caring what other people think about those feelings. You know what you like and don’t care how other people feel about it, but at the same time you are demonstrating your depth as a person. This is what will draw people to you and help you showcase a persona of someone who knows what they like and doesn’t have a problem expressing it. That is the bullseye.

Moving past conversing:

At some point in the conversation she is going to think about kissing you, as will you. Personally, I bring attention to it. I throw it out in the open so we are both aware of it, while holding off to build tension. A simple line could be, “I know you want to kiss me right now, but I’m not going to”. She may say, “no I don’t” which you can laugh off. She may say “Yeah, I do”. That’s your greenlight, but more often than not I’ll still hold off for a bit. I like the tension, and it builds up to a bigger deal, especially for her, when it finally happens. Sex will and should come up at some point, but I don’t actually talk about it much the night I meet her. Instead, I’ll make sexually infused comments about her that are not directly stating that I want to sleep with her. Some examples from my recent night out:

Her - “I do a lot of yoga.”

Me - “I was looking at your ass earlier and figured you did.”

Her - “My ex boyfriend thought that oral sex was gay” (yes, a girl said this to me)

Me - “I’d do gay stuff to you all day”

Her - “I like the show True Blood”

Me - “That show has the best sex scenes”

Again, don’t overthink this too much. Talk about it casually, confidentiality, and without being an overbearing fuckboy. Saying “damn girl you so hot” is lazy, boring, and something she has heard a thousand times. “We should fuck” is probably going to make her uncomfortable and less attracted to you. “Do you want to have sex” - I shouldn’t have to explain why this is bad.

In general, you don’t actually have to talk about sex that much to create sexual tension. With many women, the fact that you aren’t talking about it actually adds to the tension and mystery (assuming you are still keeping the conversation emotionally resonating). Typically, by the middle of the second date it is very obvious she is ready and wants to. I’ve had multiple women bring it up themselves by this point. I should point out that I don’t recommend putting sex out there the way that I put kissing out there - they are not the same thing and should be handled differently.

When it comes to the sex itself, I highly recommend reading “The Sex God Method” if you have not already. If you have, you’ll notice similarities to his book and my approach to talking to women. Mainly, you want women to experience both negative and positive emotions when interacting with you. I do not mean negative in a “bad” way, but more that she should not be able to win you over easily. This makes the things you have in common and agree on have more weight than they normally would. This mix of positive and negative emotions should carry over to the sex and the way you speak to her during it, and as mentioned before there’s already a great book that covers this in depth.

Summary:

So why does this approach to speaking to women work? It is pretty simple, really. You are a guy who makes her feel things. Nice guys are convinced that women actually love assholes who treat them like shit. The reality is that they like guys who make them feel a range of emotions. That guy she keeps coming back to, who called her a bitch (don’t do that), has also made her feel sexy and free at other times. She chases that feeling through the horrible experiences to try to get it back. You can circumvent being a douchebag by simply demonstrating that you are someone who disagrees with her at times and also respects who she is. You are someone who challenges her, helps her grow, and also shares some things in common already. You aren’t easy, but you are worth getting to know. Once she knows that you don’t agree with her just to try to sleep with her, she will quite literally chase the feeling of winning you over.

Earlier, I wrote that “A lot of guys are under the assumption that you need to always find things in common, only speak positively, and agree with everything she is saying.” The reason this is wrong is that it is not an honest lifestyle, because there is virtually no one on the planet that is going to align with you and your values completely. Many men are under the assumption that if you’re just a nice guy and support everything a woman does (think Jim from The Office), that you will eventually land your dream girl. The thing is, this approach can actually get you into a relationship. It will probably lead to her telling her friends about what a great guy you are, how perfect your relationship is, and that you’ll get married and have kids. Maybe you get married, have kids, and live happily ever after. If that’s what you want, then by all means go for it. I don’t believe it is an emotionally gratifying life. I would much rather be the guy she had a passionate fling with for a few months and still thinks about from time to time when she’s with her husband. I'll think about her as well. To each his own.