tl:dr I'm a secretly RP woman trying to get through to a BP husband. I've been reading the books and lurking for about six months, and here's my progress so far. Advice welcome.

The Situation: I'm 38, he's 47. Together over 10 years, married for 8. Have more than 2 kids, all boys. Husband was mostly Alpha when we got together, but then he hit a rough patch at work a few years ago and lost his job. I tried to help by getting way too involved in his career and he became really depressed. I was the captain for a few years until he pulled out of it. Now he's back on his feet but has lost the ability to make decisions on his own, has little confidence and is a lazy bear.

Actions I've Taken: -read Athol Kay and am running my own map. -started running again and lifting. Have lost about 10 lbs so far. -read The Surrendered Wife and put her suggestions into action. -started wearing makeup and nice clothes again. -act positive and encouraging at all times, stopped criticising him or offering suggestions. -offer positive attention whenever he makes his own decisions, get too busy to listen when he complains about work for hours. -chat up guys when I'm out. It's really helped my abundance mentality. -handed the family finances over to him and made it clear I'm not doing them anymore. I don't even check them. -got a raise at work. I know that I can support myself and my kids on our own if things don't work out with my marriage. -stopped looking to him to reassure me about my attractiveness. -stopped initiating in the bedroom. I've always had a much higher sex drive then him. He seems happy at twice a month but it's not enough for me. But I've gone "monk mode" because the rejection was just too much.

Results: -he bought some expensive shelves the other day without my input, after he debated about them for several weeks. I just kept telling him, "whatever you think" when he asked for my opinion. -he's setting up space to start writing his novel again after 10 years. -I still can't get him to plan activities with guy friends. It's been so long, he doesn't even really have any anymore.

Plans for Going Forward: -I'm going to keep up the surrendered wife stuff, stop initiating in the bedroom completely, lose some more weight and start going out with friends again. I'm also super busy with hobbies as well. It gives me something to do on those lonely nights :)

I'm actually starting to become less attracted to him. He used to be a 9 to me, but we went out on a date last night and I was even thinking of ways to avoid sleeping with him without hurting his feelings. I just wasn't feeling it. Of course, he didn't even attempt anything anyway, but it made me kind of sad that I was glad about that.