The importance of initiating - advice needed

RPAlternate42 · 2015-10-24T21:01:19+00:00

Others have discussed the after effect of learning OI and rejection; rejection you know might come... So it's not a shock to your ego.

Initiating when you want keeps sex in your frame.

Why is this important? Isn't sex supposed to be a shared thing?

It's important later on and is probably the basis for all dread.

When you initiate constantly, she can never say, "you don't initiate, so how am I supposed to know?"

When you initiate constantly sex is in your frame and she is forced to reject you.

When you initiate constantly, you demonstrate your desire for her at a very base level.

When you initiate constantly and demonstrate your desire for sex which she has to constantly reject she is now the bad guy.

If you are doing things right, you are staying busy without her and keeping attention and time from her.

This is where some dread begins: she feels a little panicky when you aren't paying her attention.

As your SMV to her goes up and up and you are constantly being rejected and thusly constantly not being around, the dread goes into high output: her hamster tells her that if I'm rejecting him and he seems happy, he must be getting it somewhere else.

That's why we initiate: it demonstrates our hunger for something she isn't providing and our subsequent IDGAF attitude. That attitude demonstrates abundance and the fact that we might be willing to get it somewhere else if possible

A woman really ha one card in the relationship: sex. All the other shot she does: house stuff, kid maintenance, etc., is all shit I could do without her. I can have conversations with anyone.

I can have sex with anyone too, but I decided to only have sex with her with the tacit agreement that she makes that sex accessible to me. If she doesn't make it accessible, then my side of the agreement is now void and I will look elsewhere. This agreement is the basis for monogamy; monogamy is not the one person no matter what fairytale romcom bullshit, it's sexual exclusivity in exchange for sexual access.

0io- · 2015-10-25T02:31:50+00:00

IMHO Another reason is just that the additional touching and kino helps bond you and your wife. I'm back into a "dating" or "pre-marriage" level of making out and snogging which is kind of nice. We're now exchanging quick kisses in the car while waiting for the red light to turn green, wife was playing footsie under the table in a booth in a restaurant (which she hasn't done for years). She's now expecting kisses and hugs around the house and when she comes in the door. She's all over me compared to how she was even though it's not going to turn into sex every time, of course. Much improved.

It reminds me of a method of working out where you do a few push-ups or chin-ups throughout every day when something happens, such as every time there's a new song on the radio, or every time there's a commercial on TV... rather than trying to do 50 push ups at once you just do a few every time the trigger happens. If you keep it up for a few weeks, it will be no big deal to do hundreds of push-ups at once because you've gotten used to doing them on-demand all day long.

Some of the time you initiate and she won't be in the mood, other times she'll be in the mood for some making out but not sex, and other times she'll be in the mood for sex even if it's just because she's bored. Sometimes she'll be really into it.

gixxerthouguy · 2015-10-24T18:13:50+00:00

Everyone's different. I took a break from initiating at the beginning. In the past I was sometimes initiating for the wrong reasons: long time since we last had sex, babysitting, because she might say yes, because of something she said. I initiated for many reasons other than wanting to have sex with my wife right then. After two months I started initiating again, having already made a number of improvements in my life. Now I only initiate when I actually want sex. The result - good sex. Frequent sex. Wife no longer feels pressured.
If you are trying to have sex with her every day then laying off a bit might be good for both of you. Take a little break. Start initiating again when you want to have sex with her and have a sense of outcome independence in case she says no.

FearDearg2015 · 2015-10-24T19:06:43+00:00

There are reasons why it's important, and every individual dude ultimately decides for himself what's right for him. In your situation, initiating PROPERLY (ie. no discussions about it, just do it) as much as possible will help you internalise outcome independence with respect to sex. If you initiate all the time, and most of the time you end up not having sex, and yet you don't let that bother you and keep initiating anyway, that will help you. Sometimes she will be receptive, sometimes she won't. It's your duty to initiate, and its her prerogative to decide what happens next. Eventually you'll start to get the hang of things and you will be able to let go of the "rejection pain". However, those rejections (at the beginning) are because you just are not worth it to her. Accept that fact, and initiate anyway.

whatagainst · 2015-10-25T02:47:14+00:00

Initiating isn't a duty. It's fun. Even when you don't want sex all that much, you still have fun gaming her – which makes her want you because of constant game, and even more because you're not a piece of shit unable to control your own lust. Initiate without lust. Game her like you'd game any random woman you're interacting with on a daily basis – you don't expect or necessarily want sex from all these women—you're married—but you game them because you enjoy it. And then you just take her.

itsgavinc · 2015-10-26T15:14:19+00:00

Better to be rejected than to live with regret. Ingrain that in your brain. If you don't initiate, you will get nothing.

I initiate when it makes me happy. I don't initiate all day long non-stop because that becomes a covert contract (if I do X, then Red Pill says I'll be awesome). I truly enjoy my wife's company and the roles that we both hold in the marriage.

EDIT: I see that irateMD and Bluepillprofessor echoed similar sentiments in their comments.

Title	The importance of initiating - advice needed
Author	gixxerthouguy
Upvotes	7
Comments	14
Date	October 24, 2015 5:39 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/3q1wq2/the_importance_of_initiating_advice_needed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/the-importance-of-initiating-advice-needed.207980 https://theredarchive.com/post/207980