What am I missing?

2016-06-09T18:00:08+00:00

I'm lifting, but not great
SMV is higher than 0, less than her.
Stopped caring as much, unless I do.
Getting many IOIs, but treating no f close as an accomplisment.
I'm a good provider

Sex is once a month. 90% rejection rate.

Why would you talk about all your successes, when thats the only one you give a shit about?

Wife is great, until I assert my wants
I'm scared to move past dressing well, because she'll get mad
Assumes I'm cheating, is it projection?
I take her punches and I'm still standing. I don't establish what I want, but treat AA as a covert contract. protip: rejection isn't a shit test, it's a fucking rejection
Here's 2x as much information about her, and why it's so tough for me, the special snowflake. Also, some popsci analysis of why she's like that. Now that I've doubled down on beta bux, what do?

You're not providing the tingles to get fucked. All your 'successes' have nothing to do with your goal (I assume getting laid is your goal, it's the only 'want' you've provided)
you're afraid to even look like you may be doing anything to achieve your goal. Are you ashamed of wanting to fuck women(wife)?
I don't give a shit about your wife, no one does. Perhaps you should be on board with that. Especially since she fucks us about as much as she fucks you. The only difference is I'm not paying for the privilege.

She has no fear of losing you, she's your best friend, and I'm surprised you haven't had the ILYBINILWY speech yet. Stop playing with yourself and up your fucking dread. I notice you stopped at the exact moment that you have to start interacting with the outside world (of women)

Tip, if she isn't projecting her cheatin ways, than she is flat out admitting that she is a shitty wife, and expects that you are cheating. She knows what she's doing, you know what she's doing, and be damned if you aren't trying to protect her from the natural concequences of what shes doing, at your own expense.

Shit or get off the pot. Either you are going full RP, or you are just trying to 'sprinkle a little alpha on her' to get her to fuck you. No wonder it's not going anywhere, you may as well just go buy her flowers and do the dishes FFS.

Tell you what, You start to give a shit about those IOIs (I assume from other women) when they offer you some pussy, and you get LMR. Until then, it's just the bullshit you tell yourself in order to feel good about yourself.

Pussy

There, print that, put that single word, in huge letters, on a piece of paper, above your headboard, so it can be the first thing you see in the morning, and last thing you see at night. Whether it's a goal, or a description is up to you.

2016-06-08T18:44:25+00:00

Ok this is a little all over the place but here we go:

Wife showing more interest in me, constant banter, she's flirty and instigates play fights with me often but when I initiate during she is quick to give me a hard no. I grab her ass in public, smack her ass, say and do what I want without her objection until I try to initiate.

One thing I'm starting to differentiate in my life is dominance verses sexual play.

You've ever seen a female dog hump another dog? It's not sexual. You slapping her ass in public is about a dominance thing. I do these things here or there, and it goes with the dynamic, but once you separate that it's not a sexual act but a dominance act it can help with application.

If you note you're doing the dominance move and you get no complaint...that tells you where you stand with regards to the pecking order. HOWEVER, I've stopped seeing that as a direct effect with the realm of sexual initiation.

In PRIVATE a slow strong male-dominating move of moving in her space, holding a kiss and a strong pulling her into you might be the better application of dominance that you're trying to inspire.

Not social dominance, but tingle inspiring strength.

My wife is a masculine minded woman and very boastful, works in a mans field and has high local status. She tries to talk shit about me, small penis jokes, you're not good at this, I'm better than you at this, etc. I AA them as they've never bothered me, but I'm thinking this is more than a shit test, should I be nuking these?

Pshaw. She's competing with her brothers. Notice how it always falls a little short like she isn't truly owning it? Her brain isn't wired to do it naturally. Ignore bluster. You're not interested in her manly qualities.

Had an issue recently where she asked me to go get the kids swimsuits out of the car, we're both shoeless. I told her go get my shoes and I will. She says no, tells me to do it myself and I calmly refuse. She proceeds to tell the kids "we aren't going swimming because daddy won't get your suits". I walk over to her and say "Never do that again". She says "if you aren't going to be nice neither will I." I stared at her for a minute solid then walked away.

Minor squabble/shit-test. I think you played too much into it being a power play and let it become that. Tit for tat = nothing gained. Should have made a jab about her baby-foot soles and do an exaggerate manly walk over the ground like it was lava you were conquering.

Also mad because I didn't buy anything for HER, did buy tickets to a show for us for our anniversary. And has used this as an excuse for no sex. To which I chuckle and slap her ass.

Ha, whatever. Next time get her something cheaper.

This isn't why you aren't getting sex, it's a product of the same reason she's complaining upon receiving a gift. Or in other words: you're not getting any because of your lesser SMV , likewise, you're getting complaints because of your lesser SMW.

I think she's got insecurity issues and is trying to bring me down to keep/establish herself above me.

Best way to not get into a competition is to not play. She may be trying to step up if you're not owning things or doing a good job of captaining your ship.

Also complains that I don't ever compliment her, which is true. There's nothing to reward by complimenting.

Again, this means nothing except that you're down far enough on the list where it's OK to waste your time with this.

We are also in the process of moving, we have both taken new jobs, where I'm now 70% of the income from previously 50/50. What I don't understand is the sexual denial, maybe I'm not accepting the fact that I'm just not high enough SMV. Based on rereading my post I believe there may be something I'm not owning, "she" count too high, kick me in the nuts and tell me where I'm being a retard.

Well, I was answering as I went along through your post. You seem to come to a similar conclusion. Back to the grindstone.

Takeaways: Improve self, stop competing as it makes it seem like a competition is an option. Focus more on the sexual strength than social dominance.

Boesman12 · 2016-06-08T18:48:22+00:00

You can look it up for yourself, but you are engaged in the mother of power struggles. Chances are that you have been such a beta that she basically ran the household and your marriage singlehandedly.

She will not give it up easy. Are you really leading your family? Being the stoic captain. Or is your first mate still in charge?

BluepillProfessor · 2016-06-08T18:59:18+00:00

trying to bring me down to establish herself above me.

Yes, and?

Also complains that I don't ever compliment her, which is true. There's no value to compliment.

It is just like training a dog. The damn thing shits all over the floor. You discipline it. Eventually the dog does something good- like come get you when she wants to go outside. Then you shower it with praise. Look for opportunities to shower her with praise! I agree 90% rejection rate is cruel and intolerable but it is something to work with! You can as least praise her 10% of the time! Build on that. Have you tried cold approaching random women and getting some number closes? My guess is you are still in a sexual denial desert so you are dripping desperation and need. Unfortunately, while women want to be "desired" they only want that from a man who is not desperate. Of course, being married and continually denied makes a man desperate.... Ultimately the solution is to prove to yourself that you can get your sexual needs met whether your wife wants to be the one to meet those needs or not. When you have that confidence and are not desperate and sex deprived your wife will pick up on that confidence and suddenly she will want to have sex. Go figure. How to handle it? Fake it until you make it.

BluepillProfessor · 2016-06-08T19:01:37+00:00

Let me suggest you introduce the 10 second kiss every day.

Tell your wife when things are calm that you heard about this way to improve your marriage and all it takes is 10 seconds a day.

She will ask "what is it?"

Look her deep in the eyes and say "we have to kiss for 10 seconds every day, and you have to pretend to like it."

Do this after you have just had sex and when all is good and fine.

J_Incognito · 2016-06-08T20:28:11+00:00

Maybe you're only batting 10%, but how's the sex? The quality can be indicative of her perception of your SMV and attractiveness.

A couple other thoughts: 1) w/ work & kids it's easy to forego maintaining an independent social circle - get some friends and hobbies outside the house; 2) keep working the MRP concepts - some see instantaneous progress and for others it's a hockey stick chart.

Lastly, you're doing great - this is for internal gratification, and sex w/ the wife is ancillary

WhiteTrashKiller · 2016-06-09T14:26:40+00:00

How was your relationship in the beginning? It isn't said often enough, but if she settled for you and only knows you as a Beta you may never get what you want.

She knows it's an act because if it wasn't you would have been that way when you got together. I am not saying it is a sunken cost, butn it is going to be 10X harder than if you were her superior at the beginning and fell off...

Continue to work, establish a timeline for what you think is accpetable. Even she doesn't meet, reevaluate.

IASGame · 2016-06-09T17:57:22+00:00

"That's the thing, I've done nothing" is ripe for further AA.

Because that is part of the problem and what she is doing (or isn't actually) that could make you want to cheat on her.

rpnow · 2016-06-09T18:08:53+00:00

Sex is once a month. 90% rejection rate.

Does that mean you are initiating 10x per month? Initiate every day. Maybe once you get there sex every day is too much, but until then initiate daily. Initiating 30x per month at 90% will get you laid more.

Are you tracking her cycle, and planning your shit test response type and ass slaps around ovulation?

"are you doing something that would make me want to cheat on you?"

You had to spell this out too much for it to be effective. This argument is better when she discovers it for herself, not when you declare it. Better response could be "how could I cheat on you when you treat me so well?" Let her figure it out. Or even better , "It's not cheating if it's just the tip", or "funny, my girlfriend asked the same thing.."

small penis jokes, you're not good at this, I'm better than you at this

Missed opportunity to comment on how your girlfriend doesn't have any problems with you

Had an issue recently where she asked me to go get the kids swimsuits out of the car, we're both shoeless.

Missed an opportunity here, and now she thinks you are a little boy throwing a fit, with sensitive feet.

mad because I didn't buy anything for HER, did buy tickets to a show for us for our anniversary

Missed an opportunity to buy a ball gag, or handcuffs.

I think that you are still too angry at her to passionately game her. Your shit test handling is weak, and you don't get AA or AM. It's not a logical point in an argument, it's as serious as you are taking her at the moment: not very. Be cool, like you don't care as much as you do. One day you truly won't. Keep trucking through the anger stage and practice, you'll get there.

EDIT: I say this from experience, being in that place where your anger and fear cloud your vision. There is a light at the end you just gotta improve and stick to improving and put some time in. Minimum 18 months before you finish swallowing the pill.

druganswer · 2016-06-17T22:50:40+00:00

Your wife has great frame. You don't. You doing shit annoys her at YOU. Her doing/saying shit collapses your frame and makes you start questioning yourself and basically complaining like a bitch.

Needless to say, part of her really great frame is that she considers herself high SMV and it isn't based off of your validation... not that it matters because you ARE constantly trying to fuck her. She does NOT consider you high SMV. This bothers you. And we loop back to how you have shitty frame.

Now... back in the day I would have dove into every single line you wrote and gave you some situation specific reason on how you are fucking up, but I realized that's pointless without the big picture, so I'm going to copy/paste something I have posted before and HIGHLY suggest you reading it all. Don't come post another complaint centered about what your wife thinks or why your wife doesn't care about this or blah blah blah until you do.

Okay... my suggestion here and I am in no way calling your wife a narcissist... but if you want to get a big fat lesson on frame and to recognize how you are shoulder deep in hers:

Download Reddit Enhancement Suite (chrome extension, it's great anyway)

Look up u/jacktenofhearts

Scroll down on his overview until you get to the VERY bottom and it won't load any more pages.... it's a lot, just do it, it's about a year back of posts.

CTRL F "Narcissist"

Read EVERY post of his that has that word in it and any that are over the 10k character limit that connect with them. Read the OP he has responded to for context if the post seems particularly similar to situations you find yourself in.

I'm not trying to give you answers to any particular question, but hopefully it will be a very enlightening hour or so you spend reading.

That should give you an idea of how her universe revolves around her and your universe is ALSO revolving around her. You have to break away from that if you ever want to change things.

EDIT: Oh, and your standing up to her comes off as scripted "picking battles," at least over text. And I mean.. it's something you probably need to do to start off... but you could have just said "okay come with me" about your kids shit in the car. You were just trying to command her to do something to see if you could... and then you got butthurt when she didn't and OMG I'm dying, we're looping back to how your frame sucks again.

2016-06-08T21:42:46+00:00

Are you 12? Why are you constantly slapping her ass in public? That's childish.

Title	What am I missing?
Author	RPStruggle
Upvotes	7
Comments	29
Date	June 8, 2016 6:26 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/4n6j2o/what_am_i_missing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/what-am-i-missing.207388 https://theredarchive.com/post/207388