Wife is suspicious of my activities

Jeanwulf · 2017-06-23T19:31:41+00:00

Why are you blaming your wife? You are the dipshit

ex_addict_bro · 2017-06-22T23:54:45+00:00

This is mainly for those that know my background

"Read my post history, please, because I've been too busy posting shit instead of reading a fucking book from the sidebar"

Long story short my wife just figured out I deleted some text messages. I dont think she read them. I deleted them after she had my phone for a second. I confronted her about rooting through my phone because I found other evidence she went through it after that first brief pickup. She confronted me that I deleted messages. She stormed out of the house and said she has noticed me deleting texts before, and she knows something is going on.

"I'm being terrorised PLEASE HALP"

Advice please.

"but but but not the halp from the sidebar THE OTEHR HALP FOR THA LAZY PEPLE PLZ"

Do I try to talk to her about it? How do I find out what she knows?

"Communicate, communicate, communicate" - some random redditor at r/cuckold.

NOW SERIOUSLY: I'd tell you "own it", but you have no fucking idea what does that mean. Do you even lift bro?

man_in_the_world · 2017-06-23T01:59:59+00:00

It's about time!

This is a "teachable moment" to firmly express and assert your frame as to your expectations in the marriage. Don't waste this opportunity. Look her in the eyes and say

"Yes, I've been seeing other women. I vowed monogamy with you in a loving, christian marriage, not celibacy. By denying me sex you have abandoned your christian marriage vows and our marriage. Through my actions I have made it abundantly clear to you that I wish to be in a proper christian marriage with you, but until you rejoin the marriage that you have abandoned I make no apology about meeting my needs elsewhere. If you show me through your actions by X, Y, and Zing (whatever your conditions and expectations are) that you are recommitting to a full, proper, christian marriage with me, I will happily do the same. But you are the one who first abandoned our marriage, so it's up to you to show me through your actions that you are committed to it again."

or whatever expresses your true belief, commitment, and frame regarding your marriage. And you must be ready and able to make the same statement and hold your frame with her parents, your parents, your friends, pastor, or whoever else she might enlist to argue against your frame.

You should entertain no demands, conditions, negotiation, or discussion with her. This is a pressure flip; she abandoned the marriage, not you, so it's on her to accept your conditions. Broken record any attempt to argue or negotiate.

If she or others try to dispute the terms of a "proper christian marriage" or her wedding vows, you might respond (if it's true for you)

"I have read the scriptures carefully, and thought and prayed about it, and this is how I believe God intends a proper christian marriage to be. It's what my conscience believes, and it's not open to discussion."

Edit: Don't get mired in a discussion about how far you've gone and what you have or haven't done with the other women; that puts it back in her frame. One sentence at most:

"I have not yet had sex with anyone else, but it will likely come to that eventually if you continue to abandon sex within our marriage. I refuse to be distracted from the real issue here, which is your rejection of a proper christian marriage with me; fix that, and everything else goes away."

screechhater · 2017-06-23T04:35:05+00:00

Shut your mouth, and let her run hers.

Then respond.

You need to reread WISNFG. Then the Superior Male.

Part of your deal like a lot of others, is influence of putting your feels out or that some things can be "talked out"

Wrong. Your wife wants a masculine male leader that does not bend or run fir cover at her every comment. You are so fucking desperate to tap her pussy to make you whole, that it weakens your presence with her, making you repulsive.

perhaps you need to go to a restaurant, read the menu and be resolute on what you will order and not listen to her tell you what you want to eat or what you have eaten in the past.

Part of the repulsive behavior you exhibit is your ability to allow the sun to rise and set on her ass and refuse to acknowledge that a good relationship with your kids is your responsibility, solely and truly has nothing to do with a divorce or not.

You spend so much time doing and changing for her to take notice and Fuck you, that you are missing the true value of living YOUR life

BobbyPeru · 2017-06-23T00:22:57+00:00

So, you want us to go digging through your history to find out your background instead of you just giving us a brief summary.

Let me get right on that.

AmericanViking64 · 2017-06-23T02:31:37+00:00

Stop worshiping your wife. She has zero respect for you. If my wife noticed me not fucking her and also messaging other women, she would be a neurotic mess and probably in some kind of therapy.

You will never, ever get the kind of attention you want from your wife until you lay it all out and tell her to take a walk if shes not into you.

Your foolishness is that your think this is a gamble. Shes already never ever going to want to fuck you. Ever. This has already happened. This decision has been made over and over. Your already at the worst possible scenario.

The only thing you have to lose is your frantic grip on a false reality.

[deleted] · 2017-06-23T04:04:04+00:00

I'd use the opportunity to shock her into a main event. I'm sure you've painted your side of the picture pretty rosy, and she's not the harpy you make her out to be. But maybe not. Maybe she's just a shitty person like you say.

But maybe she's stuck in a shitty cycle and doesn't know how to get herself out of it. Until you shock her out of this cycle, nothing will change.

I'd be direct with her. "Yes I've been exploring other options. No, I don't want to go down that route I'd prefer to be in a loving, sexual marriage where both of our needs are met. I want to date you and have fun and screw like teenagers. And I need you on board. Because as you can see, our relationship is untenable."

Just be honest with her. It's not like she's going to start being pleasant on her own. Worst case scenario is you guys divorce, sell that new house, you live in a dinky apartment and you bang hot chicks every other weekend when the kids aren't with you.

fuckmrp · 2017-06-23T01:57:29+00:00

Your opsec sucks. She knows enough to know you're misbehaving not enough to make direct accusations. Thats all you need to know, step the fuck out of her frame and shut your pussy mouth.

Maybe she read them but unless she reveals that you dont say shit. She didn't catch you balls deep in her sister take a fucking breath.

Now why does your opsec suck?

askmeanything2 · 2017-06-23T02:14:30+00:00

If a married man cheats then he should be prepared for one of two things:

1) Wife finds out and its game over marriage and that is fine as you are prepared for that and DGAF

2) Wife finds out and tolerates and or hamsters it away because its DHV and she cant bare losing you.

Most men in situation 2 began in situation 1

If you dont fit Situation 1 or 2 then dont cheat. the risk is too high (for you at this time)

This is the RuleOfCad

[deleted] · 2017-06-23T00:02:24+00:00

What did you delete?

Offhisgame · 2017-06-23T20:36:54+00:00

Its over. Dump her

smokecheck1976 · 2017-06-25T05:44:06+00:00

Dude, I looked through enough of your history to gather a bit of a picture.

You are middle-aged.
You have kids with your wife.
Your marriage bed is essentially dead.
You have began thinking about and taking steps to bed women outside the marriage.
Your wife is aware, at least tangentially, of item number 4.

As to item number 3, I'm a firm believer that the physical intimacy of the marriage bed is literally the water that keeps the rest of the marriage alive. Here is where things can lead to a death spiral. The wife wants to feel an emotional connection and assumes the husband knows what to do to get that and slowly starts withdrawing from the marriage bed. The husband notices diminishing returns from his honest efforts and starts to withdraw further efforts. Both sides are engaging in a spiral that leads to hell with both saying "if only he/she would....then I could change." It sounds to me like you two have pretty much struck the ground. The marriage bed is dead, the marriage has basically died around it.

As to fucking around on Tinder, look, you are still married. Not separated awaiting for divorce, though that may be only a matter of time. You were stupid. You were in the wrong. You can say "Well, I didn't have sex." Yeah. Except if you could have, you would have. Don't bother defending yourself to me.

Your wife caught you, pretty much red-handed. I could paint a picture for how easy it is to do. There are about a dozen ways I can get text messages that were sent to a phone number that don't involve a PI or a warrant. They are not secure devices. You have to assume anything put out on a cell phone was broadcast to the entire fucking planet. Your excuse, "I tried to fuck another chick, but I failed." How does that make you anything other than pathetic?

You want to own your shit? The very first thing you need to do is go to her and say, yes, I put up a Tinder profile. Yes, I met some other woman on it. Yes, I told her I was divorced. No, I did not have sex with her. Yes, I was in the wrong. Then tell her that such will not happen again so long as you are married to her, and you are willing to allow her to monitor your electronic communications at any time she feels she needs to within reason to prove it.

Then, you want the "Main Event"? You know what the "Main Event" will be? It will be the grand finale. The last huge fight. It will finish off the marriage. You would be lucky if six months pass before she has everything neatly set up and arranged to have you torn apart, and your dumb ass won't even see it coming.

After you've admitted you were in the wrong, here is what you do...

Tell her that physical intimacy is a non-negotiable part of the relationship for you. This isn't wrong, no matter what anyone says.
Tell her that you are willing to meet her needs to have her want to meet your needs, but she can not make an assumption that you know what those needs are.
Tell her that you want to save the marriage, but one foot is already in the grave and the other is sliding in, and it will take great effort from both of you to save it. Listen to her response.
Tell her that if she does not want to make the effort. Then your expectations in a divorce. Tell her that you expect 50/50 custody and will give an amicable divorce on reasonable grounds, otherwise she can fund some lawyers' kid's college education fund instead of her own.
Be the person that you want your kid's to be at all times.

I'm not a counselor or anything of the sort. In fact, other than the Tinder idiocy, I've been exactly there. My failure inspired me to look at what works and what doesn't. All the way up to wanting a confrontation that ended all confrontations. You and your marriage is not unique. It has turned toxic for multiple reasons over time and neither of you is innocent and fixing it will require significant sacrifices on both of your parts, if it is fixable. The very first thing you are both going to have to put aside is your ego, and even that isn't going to be easy. There is no guarantee, especially when the relationship is where yours is at, but I know what will happen unless both of you take drastic steps to alter the course of the marriage.

shpioro · 2017-06-25T21:10:58+00:00

Do you need a hacker for hire? or specialized hack jobs, hack into email accountsgmail, yahoo, aol etc., gain access to various social networks such as facebook, twitter, instagram, badoo etc., specialized and experienced hacking into educational institutions, change of grades, clearing of criminal records, smartphone hack. contact us via hotcyberlord at g mail dot com

BigB1901 · 2017-06-24T01:55:49+00:00

Why don't you have a password on your phone.

Read through some of your other posts, it looks like you have moved on from your marriage. Your wife knows this already and has seen the messages.

Title	Wife is suspicious of my activities
Author	prarrott
Upvotes	0
Comments	72
Date	June 22, 2017 11:42 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6ixgsb/wife_is_suspicious_of_my_activities/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/wife-is-suspicious-of-my-activities.205959 https://theredarchive.com/post/205959