How not to show butthurt when turned down

matrixtospartanatLV · 2017-08-21T02:01:22+00:00

First marriage....waaaaaay before MRP

Me: kino, game, be fun all day long. Then at night before bed, initiate.

Her: "Not tonight, I'm super tired."

Me: get out of bed and get dressed.

Her: "Don't be mad."

Me: "I'm not mad. I have all this positive energy and I'm going to go spend it in a positive way." Walking out the bedroom door.

Her: "Where are you going?"

Me: ~crickets~

And I go do something on the to-do list, or I'd actually leave the house and go out for a bit. THAT gets their hamster going, but I went to a bookstore/coffee shop and just talked to women.

Next morning:

Her: "I don't understand why you get so mad when you don't get sex. Most men get less than you do."

Me: "I don't get mad. I'm just not going to lay there with a raging hard-on waiting for it to go away. So I'm going to do something until it goes away."

Her: "So where DID you go last night?"

Me: "Someplace that helped me with my hard on."

Her: "Hamster hamster blah blah blah."

This was all BEFORE I knew about MRP, NMMNG, etc.

And in my first marriage these were the best of times before 6 years of deadbedroom that contributed significantly to me filing for divorce with 4 kids.

Besides this display that was preMRP, my suggestion is to stop initiating for awhile.

It is validation to her and makes her feel secure knowing you are only getting sex from her and she holds that power over you.

It's not popular and it's not a permanent solution, but stop initiating for a time and turn it in your mind into you denying HER. Flip the script. Get HER hamster wondering why you aren't initiating any more.

Are you tracking her cycle?

Are you initiating at different times of the day and on different days of the week?

Kino and game running strong and well?

Red-Curious · 2017-08-21T05:52:24+00:00

I'm having a hard time when getting a no to sex to hide that im mad.

They key is not to be mad. If you're not mad, you won't have trouble hiding anything. How do you do this? Abundance mentality.

I try and act cool and coy but my wife seems to know when im mad.

I was turned down last week. My wife then got into "Oh no, he's probably mad at me!" mode and decided to offer pity sex. I told her, "I don't want sex if it's going to be like that; that's not fun." She answers, "But you're mad!" I said, "If I was mad, would I do this?" then I proceeded to make out with her for about 2 minutes. Then I walked away with a "goodnight." She was smiling the whole time I walked away. Next day? She turned her attitude toward sex around.

Now, the next day didn't go so well because she was impressed at how I didn't get all butt-hurt. It went better because she knew I wanted sex the night before and she wasn't feeling it. So, she decided to gear herself up to feel it. Avoiding being butt-hurt doesn't necessarily increase attraction; rather being butt-hurt removes her imperative to think about sex positively. You're training her to think that sex is a source of stress, frustration, anger, etc. Don't let her associate sex with those emotions - even if you're the one feeling those emotions and not her. If she thinks you're feeling that way, then she falls into shame and guilt and sex (or even the thought of it at that point) conditions her to feel those things.

BobbyPeru · 2017-08-20T23:13:35+00:00

I A&A the crap out of it physically- get on top in a joking way and start dry humping her until she laughs. Then, laugh as your getting off her.

Sometimes, I'll tell her I'll stop as soon as she puts it in her mouth. Then, after she does I genuinely laugh my ass off. She'll usually say something like "you're so bad", which is womanese for I like your alpha aggressiveness since you didn't try to actually rape me, and I liked your cock in my mouth, and I'm going to fuck you tomorrow

The key is, just have fun with it.

TrenGod37 · 2017-08-20T23:32:53+00:00

I don't see how going to the gym or doing something else is a bitch move. The opposite. A bitch move would be to say okay and cuddle with her.

Go do something else. Don't go stomping to do it. Put on a smile and do it. And when she asks if you're mad give her an uppity no and then go do something else

The_Litz · 2017-08-21T10:26:50+00:00

The biggest step forward is not solely initiating at bedtime. Bedtime puts you in a difficult position.

If you are all prepped for bed and get turned down your alternatives are slim without looking butthurt. If it is earlier and you basically can decide to have sex, clean the garage or work on your computer you remove the sex as an important mission. You then turn sex into something you wanted to do before cleaning the garage. You are not dependent on it.

If your logistics don't allow it and you can only initiate late at bed time, turn around and sleep. Sleep or sex must carry the same weighting for you. Never say "Its OK" and end up giving her a foot rub.

If the rejections carry on for an unreasonably long time, then get dressed and leave the house. Make sure you slip into the shower when you get home, even if you have showered earlier that evening.

JDRoedell · 2017-08-21T12:58:12+00:00

Wife gave me a hard no last Wednesday. She had a legit long day and is going through some chick drama with her best friend. I could have pushed through but I could tell in her face that she wasn't feeling it and it would have been starfish. She said, "how about tomorrow." Which she did deliver on. No biggie. I gave her a kiss, went up to my room to change and take care of a few other things.

(This is key. Don't go from "no" immediately to the front door. That does look butthurt and like you've been planning this walkout. Go in the other room, clean the kitchen, something. Do something for 5 or 10 minutes.)

Then I came down, dressed a little nicer and told her I was headed out to the store to grab a few things and then probably to a local pub that has open mic on Wednesday that my band plays at sometimes. She seemed a little disappointed but not mad and that was that. I spent the next hour and a half talking to and teasing an attractive (HB8) who recently quote her job as a teacher to pursue her music career full time. She was there to play. We talked about all sorts of stuff and at one point asks me, "so do you have some job that you have to get up early for?" (IOI) I do and had to leave shortly after but i got her contact info and went home feeling abundant.

[deleted] · 2017-08-20T22:41:55+00:00

I'm usually not that upset post rejection anymore, but my wife still thinks I am or will be. Can't really blame her after years of conditioning her that way.

The best I do with it is just laugh about it. Make a joke, get her laughing somehow (about anything) and you're good. Turn away quietly and sit with a book, and she just thinks I'm butthurt.

It's annoying as fuck, but there are worse problems to have.

askmeanything2 · 2017-08-20T23:25:44+00:00

Consider the "no" as a free pass to use the time (and then some) to do something you want to do, as if you were single and active. Don't make this an escape (stare at TV or computer, porn, weed, heavy drinking). Go do what you want to do as the temporarily "single" and active guy, which sometimes but not always will have you getting out. There is a lot of stuff to do, which include hobbies, art shows, lectures, independent films, gym, shoot hoops, biking, fishing, live music and learn something new.

rocknrollchuck · 2017-08-21T13:47:53+00:00

What you should not do is clumsily bring your attention level from 100 to 0

chachaChad · 2017-08-20T22:34:50+00:00

I totally have the same issue. When I get rejected I feel hurt and worthless and alone. Those are just feelings and aren’t actually true. I’m still the same fucking rockstar I was 2 minutes ago. Don’t get me wrong. I fucking love sex but I don’t need it to validate my value. I think th thing to do is have other options. If wife says no I sometimes read a book or watch something on my phone. I don’t get up and leave because I’m not that hurt.

I’d love to hear how others handle this as this is such avfundemental step in MRP.

TurdDoctor · 2017-08-20T23:28:52+00:00

When turned down, I think of the positive changes I've made since finding MRP and feel good about that- about the better man she's married to. I know intellectually that it's her loss but emotionally it weighs sometimes and I feel distanced from her. I'm good at controlling emotion but honestly it makes me question if the relationship will survive. I'm 100% committed to one month of working on me per year of marriage, with no Rambo fuckups. But as I see myself improve her pussy comes down from the pedestal and I know I could do better if the need arises. When you internalize that her pussy isn't made of platinum and you could do better if need be, it helps you feel better when turned down. It's not easy to hide your anger but fake it until you make it.

phx_rises · 2017-08-21T00:27:14+00:00

At this point - any gesture is deemed as being butt hurt on my part. Is there ever a time you should stop initiating? I've been getting constant nos - some soft but most hard nos lately.

RPJMRP · 2017-08-21T04:51:50+00:00

What are your stats physically? Don't bullshit here.

donedreadpirate · 2017-08-21T10:28:14+00:00

How and when do you initiate? Lead me through a day of your interactions with your wife that land you a rejection. If you had to guess a percentage, how often are you rejected?

fuckmrp · 2017-08-21T18:07:16+00:00

I think the butt hurt comes not from rejection alone but knowing she controls your options. I.e. you have none.

screechhater · 2017-08-21T21:51:34+00:00

Fake it until you make it

I just shrug and laugh now I live in my frame, not hers

BluepillProfessor · 2017-08-22T02:06:11+00:00

The righteous anger of a good man is something to be feared, not hidden.

anotherswingingdick · 2017-08-23T14:11:53+00:00

do you insist that your barber must be in a GREAT mood when he cuts your hair?

I've had PLENTY of her-in-starfish sex. Got me from Point A to Point B, just fine.

There is such a thing as starfish support to a woman. And I am quite happy to cut it back to that when the situation calls for that

[deleted] · 2017-08-25T02:34:29+00:00

get up leave and go to the gym or a walk

Do that.

You do have other things to do with your time than mope around the house, right?

Title	How not to show butthurt when turned down
Author	throwaways999111
Upvotes	7
Comments	64
Date	August 20, 2017 10:22 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6uyr2y/how_not_to_show_butthurt_when_turned_down/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/how-not-to-show-butthurt-when-turned-down.205639 https://theredarchive.com/post/205639