Did you have to calibrate your initiations with wife?

chuckiestealady · 2017-09-10T16:37:58+00:00

Any no is a hard no.

straius · 2017-09-20T10:41:30+00:00

You're still insecure about rejection and you're obsessed with a fear of losing frame so you can't see the forest for the trees.

You don't get the sex you want without also building intimacy. You're all cock and no feels so she's not going to be the slut you want because you haven't created an atmosphere of safety and non-judgment as a counter-point to your IDGAF or other "punishing" pressures.

This will be especially true if your wife has self esteem or problems with feeling sexy. Attenuating does not automatically = being in her frame.

This attitude is what's fucking you. She is responding just fine, you're just missing all the comfort signals.

You are read up on sex god method?

hystericalbonding · 2017-09-10T10:23:33+00:00

Sounds like Rambo is creeping in a bit... your dread and attractiveness are not up to par with your newfound desire and attitude to fuck your wife.

Read about the 1000 foot rope.

Also consider wife is huffing and puffing to see if your shiny new frame is built of straw or brick. " Does my pussy still have the power/ Do my shaming tactics telling him he shouldn't want to have sex with his wife still give me the upper hand?"

Initial increased sex and increased shit tests are normal indicators that your wife is noticing a disturbance in the force. These will both go down for a bit as she normalizes to the new demands, then rise again with your rising SMV/value/dread.

Very telling when the wife realizes through dread that you DO have other options for pussy besides hers... the attitude changes from you shouldn't need to fuck me to I better fuck him before someone else does.

She gets first chance when you want to fuck. She does not control who or when you fuck. You do. This attitude is subtextual until the upper dread stages, however.

" You should only be getting upset when I Don't want to fuck you." is a good answer to the sex shaming shit women pull.

Calibrating is normal and essential unless you want to go nuclear and burn it all down. You're not entering her frame, you're using environmental clues to give you more information about how your life is progressing - a necessary part of framebuilding. Think of it like this, if all your buddies pull you aside one by one and say, " Dude, you're really turning into an asshole." maybe the problem is you. ( There's a can of worms here, but ignore that little elephant.)

Wives and buddies have a STATIC image of what you are in their mind. If you try change this image too fast, it causes cognitive dissonance and the brain must reject one of these contradictory images. Guess which image loses? The "new" one, everytime. That's why you lose every gain if you go Rambo. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.00

What also helps is to remember to be FUN. This shit is work, and tough, and owning your shit/being a man is hard. That's why most guys do what usually works to get through a tough spot... put your head down and grind away. Fun gets left behind. Be happy, tease. Not every kino/slap/kiss should be a rote initiation. Kiss her until she melts into your arms, then slap her ass, grin, and hit the gym. Switch it up. Provide happy drama and rollercoaster tingles to replace the drama she used to create (and needs) by being a sex-denying bitch.

Switch it up. Set her up on the spin cycle and finger her to orgasm during laundry day. Take her to a park and tell her to blow you in the car. Pull out a buttplug and make her wear it during a grocery store run. Challenge her to watch 10 minutes of porn with you.

My advice is slow your roll. Don't take your foot off the gas, but pretend you just saw a cop under the next overpass...roll off a little, but act casual.

hystericalbonding · 2017-09-10T11:51:21+00:00

giving her :15 minutes to talk, I put my hand on her hip up her shorts. She squirmed away. When time was up I pushed her against the door and slid my hand up her thigh to her pussy and she said "Oh geez, here we go again. I DON'T want you to grope me. I don't like it and NEVER have"

Kino and game needed. Some new guys don't bother reading about PUA because they aren't looking for strange pussy, but it's very useful in situations like this. Start with Pook and Bang. Always be closing if you want to fuck, but don't do it like an autistic retard. Build her up to it.

Every time I ask to take it slow to build back my confidence

This may be a good time to introduce sexual things that aren't sex. Hop in the shower when she's there - not to grab her pussy, but to make her feel your desire before you step out. No explanation needed to enter or exit.

Brief moments of isolation are helpful. Take a few seconds to pull her aside, draw her full attention with eye contact, body language, pulling her close for a kiss or to feel your strength. Then go on with your day.

In addition to harboring resentment toward my porn and fapping during that time, she also says she feels she cannot compete with those images.

Passive dread is far better than active dread.

For wife with low self-esteem, you need mayor game. It's at the bottom of the linked post, but the whole thing has relevant tidbits for your situation.

SgtSilverBack · 2017-09-10T16:30:36+00:00

How about instead of regretting that you posted it, add an EDIT at the bottom and provide what YOU think the answer or suggestion is.

Read your post as if someone else wrote it, provide lessons learned and a path forward. This isn't just for you. It's also you providing your own leaderhsip to new MRPs.

If you give your situation, your question and your thoughts or introspection, MRP can guide, instead of spoon feeding you an answer. And just maybe other newbs will see that and learn to think into their own situation before asking the answer to 1+1.

SteelSharpensSteel · 2017-09-10T12:51:26+00:00

Do not buy her any lingerie or nurses outfits. That is a covert contract waiting to happen - "If I buy these sexy outfits you will wear them and we will have sex."

Rather, you NEED to BE the man who your wife WANTS to wear sexy outfits for.

Lift. STFU. Read the sidebar.

simbarlion · 2017-09-10T23:45:32+00:00

If you seriously went from a near zero sex life / her low self esteem to the description you give above your are going way too fast. You sound like a needy ADHD child dancing around mommy waiting for a lollipop.

I think you are doing yourself damage by being so aggressive on your advances based on her responses - she is not sure where it is coming from (assume she doesn't know about mrp). Stop seeing every night like 'match night' where you get another chance to try another approach, as no doubt like me you are learning heaps of approaches / tips etc from your reading you think you should try out.

I am only recently over my match night attitude and i can't say its any better from a frequency perspective but at least i am no longer coming across as a horny teenager. I know exactly the feeling of thinking "will i do this kino, or maybe some wine, or a cuddle, or just an alpha move."

Back off a bit, be more consistent, 'game' her, but try not to treat it like a game.

donedreadpirate · 2017-09-10T11:11:58+00:00

It's amazing how you will not give a shit about this stuff soon enough. I was making out with this 22 year old bartender last night it's like fucking hilarious when you think about it. Scarcity mentality ruins you. Work on abundance. Fuck your wife. You know, metaphorically, but also just fuck her. Basically what I'm saying is all in the sidebar. It will be hard for her to deny you when she knows you could just go make out with the bartender at your local restaurant haha.

BluepillProfessor · 2017-09-11T02:48:34+00:00

What exactly looks like a hard-no to you?

Come on. Is this really a question?

How do you decide when to push on and when to eject?

I guess it is a question. My God son, it depends on you, your wife, the situation, your relationship, and how you communicate. You are aware that Merps communicate with their wives, right?

She seems genuinely unhappy with my manly, strong initiation methods

Dollars to donuts she has a history of sexual abuse in her past. Just a wild guess. The solution? Back off. Take twice as long to move. Then 4 times. Don't scare the cat, go slow, and read:

Models: Attracting women through Honesty

ideas and variety suggestions.

--10 second kiss

--initiate without saying a word- just use eye contact

--light kino

--cuddling after sex

Part of the Sex God Method is D-E-V-I (it's the "V" for "variety") so why are you always initiating directly? Use innuendo and light touch and don't get butthurt when turned down.

not responding well to my high test advances

Do we dare ask what constitutes a "high test advance?"

Nec_sorte_Nec_fato · 2017-09-10T11:41:36+00:00

I'm kicking myself in the ass for even posting this.

Hidden - no need for more input.

askmeanything2 · 2017-09-10T10:39:02+00:00

4 days ago you were told:

60 days in, there are only 3 things you should be doing:

Reading
Lifting
STFUing

Title	Did you have to calibrate your initiations with wife?
Author	Nec_sorte_Nec_fato
Upvotes	8
Comments	43
Date	September 10, 2017 9:31 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6z7e41/did_you_have_to_calibrate_your_initiations_with/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/did-you-have-to-calibrate-your-initiations-with.205497 https://theredarchive.com/post/205497