I Fucked up should have STFU

SorcererKing · 2019-05-20T04:26:48+00:00

Reset every day. That shit was yesterday. You have a new chance to do it better.

If she tries to bring any of it up, just brush it off. "Yeah, that was pretty fucked up of me, right? LOL."

If she continues to badger you on it, use my favorite: "Meow."

Stick to your reading, and start doing OYS if you haven't already.

simbarlion · 2019-05-20T05:17:42+00:00

She liked the pic a lot so I told her to send me one of her body later... surprise me. She said “OK, I will! “. She never does. .... I sperg out

This is a textbook covert contract.

Sepean · 2019-05-20T07:18:47+00:00

You don't salvage missteps. You just move on. You can't go "this thing I said yesterday honey, what I really meant was was that I'm not a pussy it was actually really manly because blah blah".

Instead of getting mad, when she doesn't comply, withdraw affection and increase dread. And of course, all the usual stuff - stronger frame, smoother game, better looks.

CrazyLegs78 · 2019-05-20T13:47:14+00:00

Jesus. She is at home taking care of two children, and then you are trying to make her take care of your needy, child-like, bitch ass on the phone from across the country! You need validation? You are at a hotel right? Dress the fuck up, go out, and get your validation! You don't have to cheat, but go build some fucking confidence man! Quit fucking nagging her, you sound like the harpy bitches we always talk shit about around here. Re-read your post. Do you see that? When you get home, if she doesn't initiate, maybe you wait a day to do so. Maybe it'll plant a seed about what you did during your trip. When you do fuck her, be sure to take out your phone and snap a pick while joking about finally getting one.

BobbyPeru · 2019-05-20T05:48:57+00:00

My smv is high and she knows this. This though makes me doubt that the sex is true attraction sex and she’s just transactionally fucking me to keep me.

Sounds like you have some passive dread going. That’s good. If you keep it up, the animal attraction will follow. You’re overthinking it.

What is the best way to salvage this misstep?

FAgetAbout it. Don’t bring it up and use AM if she does, then change the subject.

My wife wears whatever I tell her. You are only a few month in. Have patience and quit overtit. Trust the principles and process.

helaughsinhidden · 2019-05-20T10:59:16+00:00

Pretend your butt hurt moment never happened.

If she brings it up to you DARE, but avoid STFU as it looks like your still resentful. I like the other suggestion, but I've literally done the exact same thing as you and each time she'd press me I just smiled, shook my head in bewilderment, and said "I don't recall that conversation at all?!" and laughed. She pressed again and I doubled down "that does not sound like anything I would say....sorry, got me confused with some body else..". She showed me my ranting text and I told her she must have cloned my phone or is practicing witchcraft, that wasn't me. All very playful and in moments the mood becomes playful and all is good in the kingdom again. Women live "in the moment" unless they are hamstering, men are often accused of "gaslighting" because it is relatively easy for them to be strongly "feelzing" one way and be quickly turned around to questioning themselves if their narrative doesn't match your feelz. Strong enough frame and pretty much anything works. Stay clear of tit-for-tat, blame shifting, excusing, explaining, rationalizing, and for sure do not defend yourself at all.

I travel for work to tradeshows where drinking is basically a requirement.

My wife gets funny before these things too. It is dread kicking in her hamster brain knowing that IF you wanted sex with some strange or wanted to meet up with a mistress, this is a perfect opportunity. Sometimes she gets horny before I leave, sometimes she is anxious and distant. Sometimes she sends nudes and videos, sometimes she invents drama. When I come home she could play the "I missed you a lot / initiate hot sex card" and she could be bitchy that I had a bunch of fun partying. A perfect MRP executed life doesn't mean you are free from the things under the AWALT banner. If you played a video game where the character could never die, take damage, go off course, or fail in any way it would be the most boring game no matter how beautiful the graphics, so embrace the struggle.

SBIII · 2019-05-20T14:12:44+00:00

I’ve been making major fitness gains and I look good.

6 months of lifting and this is where you are at..

205 lbs bench is my 1 rep max, 225lbs squat 1 rep max

No mention of a deadlift either.

Regardless of that, having a high SMV has a lot more to it than looks and physique. From your OYS, you mentioned your needy, clingy & validation seeking behaviours, DEERing, not knowing when to STFU. You also don't appear to have any game.

You might look good compared to what you used to look like, but with those lifts, you don't look half as good as you think you do. You might think that your SMV is higher than your wife's but with the multitude of unnatractive bahaviours and traits you have, it's nowhere near as high as you like to think it is.

You lifted a few weights, put on a bit of muscle and now you're wondering why your wife won't send you dirty pics and respond to you the way you want to.

When you actually put in the work and put in the time - and by that I don't just mean lifting a few baby weights and buying some new clothes - you might start to see the results you want. But you might not see them from her. If you're not OK with that, then you gotta ask yourself who are you doing this for? You should be steering your ship with your eyes ahead, focusing on where you are going instead of constantly looking back to see if the rope is still tugging her along.

ManguZa · 2019-05-20T07:34:41+00:00

Don't have these conversation by phone

Don't complain, at most tell her from a stoic place that you would have like that she did X

Don't complain, but don't chase her when she's lazy

Don't make request, tell her what you like and if she don't make effort for you stop giving your time and attention to her.

0io- · 2019-05-20T04:59:47+00:00

Things are moving in the right direction, and the fitter and more attractive you get, the less likely the sex is to be "transactional" just to keep you around.

As for dressing up, I would lay the outfit out on the bed for her to put on. "Wear these shoes and that dress" or whatever it is.

She can still say no but it's more effort to reject you when you're in the same room and it gets rid of the "ok I will do what you want next time (which never happens)" trap.

Getting pissed off and expressing annoyance isn't ideal but it's not the end of the world either. It's better that you want what you want and are clear about it, as opposed to kowtowing to her. Just make sure you're in a good mood 95% of the time.

For pictures, I would take the pictures myself and tell her how to pose rather than asking her to surprise me. She sounds a little passive or shy for that right now.

HerukaArisen · 2019-05-20T12:53:20+00:00

Do not overcomplicate things. You have made some n00b gains but do not let this fool you into thinking that you have your shit together. It is quite clear that you have many covert contracts going on. You also have a long road into realizing your wife may end up giving absolutely no fucks about you in the end. You need to build yourself into an extremely high value man and be ultimately willing to burn the whole marriage down. At that point, you will know if your wife is even worth it. In this respect, a minor fuck-up like the one you described has almost no significance at all.

screechhater · 2019-05-21T09:53:56+00:00

When will you fucking read the sidebar, huh ?

This is all about you becoming more attractive and valuable. Think and I mean think would a “needy bitch” say, text or demand this ?

Re set daily. It didn’t happen. Fog it if it comes up.

Lift. Sidebar. Kill the neediness

[deleted] · 2019-05-21T06:16:27+00:00

Don't even bring it up at all.

dreamsynth · 2019-05-22T07:43:52+00:00

" tell her that she’s lazy and takes me for granted and doesn’t really desire me"

Why not just not say that instead say "I know you desire me". Even if you don't believe it it'll work out better for you.

What she hears in her head is "I don't really desire him, do I or don't I?" when you say that.

NMMNG_1 · 2019-05-22T14:50:19+00:00

So I’m out here and I send her a pic of me in the morning... I’ve been making major fitness gains and I look good. She liked the pic a lot so I told her to send me one of her body later... surprise me. She said “OK, I will! “. She never does.

So, you're working out. So what? What do you want, a medal?

Stop seeking validation. Keep owning your shit, STFU, and get back to work.

I fucked up huge by communicating over the phone that I was annoyed with her non compliance. I have no clue how to proceed when I get home tomorrow.

Do you even sidebar, bro? Did you fuck up? Yes. Was is huge? Nah... women are like the weather, she'll forget. Chances are she doesn't even know why you're so upset. Why are you worried about how to proceed tomorrow? You are your own judge. You have that right. (Sidebar, again)

Look bro, I'm a n00b too so I don't mean to sound like I know shit 'cause I don't, but the answer to your situation is pretty clearly spelled out on the sidebar. Read, NMMNG, WISNIFG, RM, TWOTSM, etc...

Cheers!

themerovingian01 · 2019-05-23T01:09:57+00:00

I'm noticing a trend of men with older women having all the issues here. I rarely see a man with a 5 or so year younger wife post.

Title	I Fucked up should have STFU
Author	frozenpond
Upvotes	15
Comments	36
Date	May 20, 2019 4:23 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/bqqsmz/i_fucked_up_should_have_stfu/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/i-fucked-up-should-have-stfu.238988 https://theredarchive.com/post/238988