Anyone have tips for creating time and space for sex when there are always children in the house?

freekshow88 · 2019-06-28T11:53:48+00:00

I had the same problem with bedtime so now I just fuck her in the morning.

I have 3 as well. 10, 8, and 5 year olds. I have the kids in bed by 8 and they’re “sleeping” by 8:30. Unfortunately so is Mrs Freekshow.

So instead of racing the clock if I want sex, I’ll wake up early and initiate before the alarm goes off. More times than not she’s already awake and just laying there.

I save night sex for those weekends where we drink a little too much and the she’s a bit more freaky than normal.

amalgamator · 2019-06-28T11:23:53+00:00

Come on - just put the 1 year old down for a nap and the other two on a movie. Day sex is better than night sex. You are overthinking it. And here is a shocker. You don’t need to go into details, but just tell them you need alone time. The kids won’t care, in fact if they see a mom and dad that kiss and love each other - it will give them security and you build a model for teaching them how a couple should be. Openness about our bodies and sex will foster healthy information for them.

Also - get them to bed by 8.

Reach180 · 2019-06-28T14:54:13+00:00

Don't worry about the 10 year old knowing, or being grossed out. 8 year old too. They'll only walk in on you once. Afterward, they'll tred very carefully.

Seriously...kids should associate a healthy sex life with a good marriage. You obviously don't announce what's going on, but don't hide it from them.

If your kids are safe - ie, capable of not harming themselves if left alone (thinking of the 1 year old here), then go fuck whenever. Secure some privacy and do it, just like you would if you needed some alone time to work at home.

CaliEd256 · 2019-06-28T12:28:43+00:00

During 1 year old nap time... it's time for you guys to "take a nap" together. Works beautifully. There's also wake up sex.

The 10 year old shouldn't be up past 9 (in the bed asleep @ 9). We put our 10 year old to bed at 8:30 and lights out at 9:00. She's free to read or stare at the wall for all I care for those 30 minutes.

Edit: I read your response on the bed time for the ten year old. I usually put the kids to bed and if I’m feeling like fucking go downstairs, pick her up and carry her to the downstairs guest bedroom immediately. I find if it gets closer to 10 we are both legitimately tired and it’s not good sex.

The other thing that you can do is middle of the night sex. This works for me sometimes- if she gets up to go to the bathroom or get water or whatever, fuck her when she gets back. Of course I’m a light sleeper so easily wake up if she does this.

red-sfpplus · 2019-06-28T12:36:39+00:00

Morning sex. Lunch sex.

Kids suck, but not as bad as right before bed sex.

Plus morning sex allows you to drip out of her all day.

Over60_FireTempered3 · 2019-06-28T15:59:19+00:00

Just a tip...

First -TELL the 10 year to go to bed at 9:30. Not a discussion, not a negotiation. If wife gives push back, the problem isn't the child.

Second - You are at your physical peak in the morning, go for it.

Third - If twice a day isn't enough, meet for for lunch.

redwall92 · 2019-06-28T14:14:34+00:00

Five kids here. 15 down to 7. Oldest kids are up until 9:30 or 10 regularly - as late as I am. Wife is a late, late person.

If we want sex, we lock the door. Plain and simple.

Couple days ago I laughed in the middle of a session and said something about how I was surprised we hadn't been interrupted yet. I know ... need to brush up on Immersion a bit, maybe. However, a few minutes later the 15yo knocked on the door and let us know he was going to the gym.

Does he know what we were doing? Probably.

When I kiss my wife and play with her physically, the 7yo says ewww and similar. The 12yo says ewww sometimes. The 14yo daughter says "Dad!! Too much PDA!" And I know she's not angry that her parents are into some PDA here and there. My 15yo pretty much keeps everything to himself. All the kids deal with things differently. I or my wife have talked to them all about sex to some degree over the years, and that will continue.

In my world, it's normal for a husband and wife to enjoy sex. Sure ... by themselves and in private. But we are in a home where there are other people. No way around that.

Wife wants sex? Her method of initiating is something along the lines of "Do you want to have sex?" when we happen to be in a room alone. I'm still working on getting her to express desire in some other fashion. My method of initiation is more physical and also more vague than hers. I can initiate in the kitchen, and the next time we're in the bedroom the door gets locked and the hard initiate happens.

You want advice? I'd say start locking the door and going to town. Turn a bathroom fan on if noise is an issue. Get your kids used to the boundary of the locked door. Don't be frustrated at interruptions; they happen. The interruptions have to be a part of your frame. But how you handle them is also a part of your frame. Butthurt at mid-sex interruptions is bad, pissy frame. The older your kids get the more honor they will give to a closed, locked door - simply because they want to have that same expectation for their own door. Littles (say 11 and under) don't care about a closed door or privacy much. They'll barge right in if the door is closed but not locked. Get them used to the locked door. Enjoy your wife. Make it normal in your home that these things happen.

FereallyRed · 2019-06-28T18:02:25+00:00

Benadryl milkshakes!

resolutions316 · 2019-06-28T13:09:00+00:00

What about time for them in their rooms at night that’s not bed time, but wind down time?

Morning sex is the obvious one, since she’s an early riser, but personally I’m not as into it in the morning (and my kids wake up ass early).

Shower sex?

I also arrange to swing home if my wife is ever alone, which is rare now - but I work nearby and set my own schedule.

It may be more a matter of setting up chunks of time - a weekend away, for example, to a hotel room - because kids are terrible for logistics.

The people giving pat, lazy answers in this thread are fucking morons.

uncoolchick · 2019-06-28T09:32:08+00:00

dude, you have to make your kid go to bed earlier. You are the dad. Just tell your kid to go to bed at like 9 or whatever time. just be strict... its what parents supposed to do. its not like the kid is 15 or 16. and your kid could always just read a book or watch youtube in bed if he or she is bored... like all kids secretly do.

CaliEd256 · 2019-06-28T12:07:40+00:00

I have three kids, 13 10 8. I totally understand about the older kids going to sleep same time as adults, you don’t realize how much easier it is when the kids are younger.

Bedtime doesn’t have to be RIGHT when the kids go to sleep. We put our oldest two in their bedrooms approx an hour before lights out. They used to ask why the change, and I always said some variant “I want to make out with your hot mom.”

Obviously they’re old enough to know what sex is, so they would just go upstairs in disgust. We get an hour or so of alone time, which usually translates to a good hard fuck.

MrChad_Thundercock · 2019-06-28T15:25:52+00:00

Lock the bathroom door and fuck on the side of the tub or pick her up and put on edge of counter.

If you’re waiting until bedtime you already lost.

mabden · 2019-06-28T17:16:43+00:00

Kids are natural born cock blockers.

A week after bringing home son number one, my wife is trying to give me a blow job (I guess for being there) and the kid is in the bassinet next to the bed asleep. As soon as she starts, kid starts crying, stop, gets kid back to sleep, restarts where she left off, kid starts crying. Wash, rinse, repeat. I'm thinking does this kid have telepathic connection with my wife that directs him to prevent her from focusing on anyone else but him?

It never stops, one Saturday night I had the wife primed for a good time in the hot tub. All we had to do is get the kids in bed. 9yo daughter and 7yo brother are in the bathroom brushing their teeth, washing up for bed time, wife and I are in the other room exploring some feelz. Everything is right on schedule when... we hear a wope, a thud, and a scream.

Dear daughter whacked younger sibling for being stupid with an elbow sending him backwards into the tub. Next thing I know the wife is hopping into the ambulance with dear son to get his head sown up and checked for concussion. 4 hrs later when wife crawls into bed, to her credit, she wakes me up for a quick ride. However, it was not the wild ride an earlier romp in the hot tube would have provided.

Your the man, you figure this shit out. Your 10yo may have opinions on what's gross or not, but by the end of 6 grade, his views on chicks will be 180 from what they may be now. We always display PDAs as normal, accepted behavior between two people who love and are committed to each other. If they are exposed to this every day, as they age out and progress as individuals you will have less worries and explaining to do as to what goes on behind closed doors.

Lock on the bedroom door is a must however.

helaughsinhidden · 2019-06-28T16:17:34+00:00

First of all, kids act grossed out, but it is actually healthy and reassuring for them to know their parents still have it. My kids get kind of clingy at times and even when we just want some space, I will tease them and say we are going to our room to make out, so keep away unless you want to walk in on some heavy kissing or more.

That said, my wife has a hard time shifting from mom to wife. She has that whole "I've had kids on me all day and don't feel sexy" thing going on most days. New anxiety meds also making her crash early too, so I am seeing a slump too. So, what to do? Getting a sitter and do something fun that has nothing to do with kids or parenting to reminder her of what it FEELZ like to be a wife. Couple drinks helps if she's down for that. My wife needs about 2 dates per month or she gets too "marmy".

Goobergus_Gubbins · 2019-06-28T17:34:11+00:00

Pixar movies.

ReddJive · 2019-07-01T12:48:09+00:00

Sepean, baby. After reading all the comments sounds like you are just at the limits of time. Nearly every idea here you counter with a negative response. The only thing left then is to consider removing things from your schedule, family’s and individual.

I am guilty of this. I fill my time with things and never look back until have hit a crunch. Volunteer work, martial arts (BJJ and karate), PhD studies, full time job, gym life, and competitions. Then I have to make room for my social agenda.

Something is going to drop. We often tell men be busy. Find things to do. She will give you sex to keep you around BUT what we don’t say is that when you are firing on all cylindars it’s ok to scale back (Unless that is the dread level you have to operate at). She’s giving it to you so stick around the house more.

Now I don’t know if this is your problem or not, but when no other suggestion is going to fit your narrow window of opportunity, time to make opportunities. You could be one of those guys that loves his home and spends time on it and in it. What I am saying is perhaps your social and extra activities are also cramping your style. Even the kids schedule.

Then again....there may be nothing that can be done in the near term. Just as we have to accept certain limitations of ourselves and of women we need to accept that in that moment there is nothing more we can do then what have time for.

Only you can judge that. Yet I contend there may be a way to remove detritus from your life to make the time you are looking for.

Success to you, brother.

Bushpilot817 · 2019-06-28T16:30:38+00:00

Lock the bedroom door and go to town. There’s so many options, just be bold and do it, it’s fun and it excites a woman. Bedroom, bathroom, laundry room, kitchen in the middle of the night or early morning, garage, outside.

Go for a drive in the car, truck, suv, whatever. Have her come meet you during your lunch break. Parking garage, back roads, the options are literally limited only by your aversion to risk and your imagination.

Tbonesupreme · 2019-06-28T17:45:02+00:00

I don't understand the dilemma.

You don't want to tell your kid that you're going to bed? You are afraid they might encounter a locked door, or God forbid, have to knock first?

The 1 year old should be the only one having an affect on your sex life. If that kid has a solid sleep schedule, everything else is easy.

Ketonian_Empire · 2019-06-28T21:59:16+00:00

I do what my parents did to me. Bought me a Nintendo and put on some sound. They did their thing, locked the door. I killed mushrooms. My kids I got an Xbox gave our oldest headphones while she raided some lego fortress. Me and the wife had sex. Heck if they get curious say your reading the scriptures together and praying.

Sepean · 2019-06-29T02:00:37+00:00

Bummer. My kids (6, 7, 10) go to bed by 9 (7:30, 8:30 and 9:00)and we fuck around 11. She gets up at 6 for the gym and I wake up at 7 and hold down the fort. She is a SAHM so she gets naps here and there.

I take modafinil so I can survive on way less sleep but do best with 7+. Wife is just a beast I guess. She is up right now and still working, just got home from the grocery store.

Even if she is exhausted she still wants to cum even if it's 15 minutes or less. It's just something we have always done. Cum > sleep

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2019-06-29T02:05:13+00:00

Is morning sex not an obvious option?

electric_dragon1 · 2019-07-01T10:09:44+00:00

We almost never bang when the kids sleep out of preference. We tell them we need quality time, we lock our bedroom and they play video games. Everyone loves quality time in my house.

Sepean · 2019-06-28T11:13:50+00:00

If your smv is high enough, she would make time and make it happen

Smash in the car

Smash in the shower

Smash outside

Smash on the couch

Stay up late and sleep in on weekends

Get up early

Meet during the day while kids at school and 1 year old asleep

go-RED-go · 2019-06-28T10:51:30+00:00

Are you the only one wanting to create time and space for sex or is your wife also with you on this? Maybe she's totally ok with your children cockblocking you as she doesn't want to have sex you.

I think you should have your kids in bed earlier, but that's something you should have taught your kids by now, that when you and your wife say it's bedtime for them, they should listen without exception.

My kid is 1.5 year old and he always goes to bed (cot) at roughly at the same time of the day in his own room. This is something me and my wife discussed and something we hold practice. We plan on continuing to do it as he gets older so that he has structure and order in his sleeping schedule, as we feel this is extremely important for health and building healthy habits.

I have friends that have their 3y olds or 5y olds sleeping with them in their bed with their wife. They complain to me how they have no sex, while pretending to their wifes they are ok sleeping that way. But their wives seem to like it.

It all boils down to if your wife really has desire for you, then you will easily find the time and place to fuck.

For instance, when my wife didn't want to fuck me, she would make up all kinds of ridiculous and excuses.

In contrast, not long ago there was a situation when wife and I were in the kitchen behind the counter and our kid was watching a cartoon 15 feet away in the other part of the living room/dining room.

I was playful and cocky funny the whole day and wife was giving me some shit tests at wich I manage to respond with some AA and AM and without really thinking about it. What happened next is it triggered her tingles and she instanly wanted me to fuck her from behind , behind the kitchen counter, right here, right now. She knew that the kid was there, distracted by TV, but she suddenly didn't care about that at all. She just wanted me to fuck her real quick. So I did, while being puzzled to what the fuck just happened.

weakandsensitive · 2019-06-28T14:24:35+00:00

when i was a teenager, i used to play this game called just the tip.

red88lobster · 2019-06-29T23:37:14+00:00

You don't need to do anything special to make time. You don't need to shelter kids from the fact that you need alone time with your wife.

"Daddy is taking me for a special massage, be right back"

She will make time for something she wants.

useful_stranger · 2019-06-28T11:25:59+00:00

Classic . Typical blue pill. You’ve replaced your wife with your kid(s) as the ones giving you approval for being yourself.

Mindset is the answer. And Boundaries.

Don’t be a dick banging your wife like a hurricane door and have her scream through the door (she probably won’t anyway), but don’t be a pussy either to withhold your needs just because the kid is up.

Teach them that after 9 PM or whatever it’s quiet / intimacy time in the house and you and your mom need to be alone together. The sooner you do this the easier it will be. Train them like you train them to eat sleep drink talk tie shoes write read etc. Kid should be in his / her room reading a book or something. Go further if you want and ban internet/ screen time.

Stop pussyfooting. Start living.

Whiteliesmatter1 · 2019-06-28T10:10:27+00:00

My solution is to get snipped.

Title	Anyone have tips for creating time and space for sex when there are always children in the house?
Author	Sepean
Upvotes	20
Comments	87
Date	June 28, 2019 9:06 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/c6hy69/anyone_have_tips_for_creating_time_and_space_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/anyone-have-tips-for-creating-time-and-space-for.243739 https://theredarchive.com/post/243739