Why am I the one feeling so much dread?

FoxShitNasty83 · 2019-09-26T15:05:06+00:00

Dont fear Chad, become Chad

Redpillbrigade17 · 2019-09-26T15:34:19+00:00

Wow. Cool story. Love the way the drama unfolds.

Ok, now in all seriousness, and to help you out: you have a solid degree of self awareness which is a good start.

As you recognize, you spend too much of your time around her and wanting to be with her. That comes from your still wet paper bag frame.

Yes you have oneitis.

Yes you’re very (too much?) attuned to her, and that’s why you notice her every move.

You need to disabuse yourself of the notion that your marriage is so so special.

You need to truly, genuinely start being indifferent for your own personal happiness whether she cheats or not, whether she leaves you or not. That right there and giving up old sets of beliefs, expectations and child-like attachments to other people’s actions is your main life task. You must adopt that mindset that whatever she does it will not change or devastate you. Of course it will change what you do and how you invest (or not) in this relationship, but it will not alter your deep, personal fulfillment in life.

And stop trying to spy on her.

Get busy on your own life mission, and of course get ready for a Plan B in case this doesn’t work out. Meet with a lawyer too, so you know what an exit scenario looks like, if either of you calls it quits down the line. Nothing should surprise you. That is a man. That is preparation. Everything else is outside your control. Ah, and make sure you fuck her silly, and constantly push her sexual boundaries.

Good luck.

johneyapocalypse · 2019-09-26T15:04:26+00:00

I wrote a wall of text but only these words matter:

She cares less.

mrpthrowa · 2019-09-26T15:16:13+00:00

Your first step is to be completely cool with the idea of losing her.

Your turn, AWALT, etc...

Stop with the pedestal talk (won't cheat blablabla)

AWALT

your next step is to continue self improvement

become the prize

and make sure you get another woman pronto..., or at least are able to ...

Nothing cures this shit faster than the insides of a warm young vagina, I assure you

All the flaws in her will show up and you'll be wondering what the fuck you were wondering about....

She's past the wall (drop it with 8 pedestal bullshit), and is in her finding new dick phase...

2ndal · 2019-09-26T15:36:44+00:00

Here's my main problem I feel like I have oneitis like a motherfucker and I am just being a jealous faggot.

Congrats, you know the problem. A lot of men don't. Congrats. Really.

How did this happen? How do I get out of this anxiety filled jealousy that doesn't have much basis in reality? What is my next logical step?

You've been here a week. The answers you seek can be found here if you care to put the time and effort into it. Go do that. Or don't, whatever. You are not unique or special, nor is your situation. Nobody is going to spoon feed you. Do the work.

Redpillbrigade17 · 2019-09-26T17:04:45+00:00

Also: and more on tactical side: we need to talk more about your business trip to NOLA as I don’t think you fully understand the dynamics at play.

You and her hanging out with dorks and how they’re in awe of her since she’s hot.

You’re looking at it the wrong way. They are and should be in awe of YOU since YOU slay that pussy. But only if you act like the alpha you are. If you’re weak and insecure about the looks she’s getting, you lose. You should be teasing those “dorks” and act like the alpha dog, with an attitude of “see who I’m fucking, you suckers.” Parade her around like your trophy because that’s what she is. Be fucking proud and revel in all the looks she’s getting. Know that those dorks jerk off to thoughts of your wife while YOU get the real thing. Tease them about it directly / indirectly with a nod and a patronizing smile too if you want. They’re little boys, you’re the man.

So every time you go out with her, and she gets dolled up, tell her and tease her how she’s your trophy, you’re objectifying her and you show her off to town. Like at a dog or horse show. You’re the fucking king and puppet master. Put a big smile on your face.

You and her hanging out with other couples, partying, and with a dude who - as you say - is somehow a better version of you.

You need to stop being in such awe of that dude. Imagine him taking a dump, imagine you winning a fight against him, imagine him as your little brother - whatever you need to mentally stop seeing him as someone better. Do more listening, learn his weaknesses.

Importantly, she smells it when you defer to others even if you do not say a word. It’s innate. It’s what women do. They go for the alpha dog. They may not even realize it in the moment. But it’s how attraction works.

The key to you (and her) not being so captivated by some random Chad is a strong, steel frame. Your frame and game &connection with your woman must be so strong that you should be perfectly secure about teasing her about that guy. “Hey I saw how you looked at him, etc. you thought he was hot.” You can even escalate with “I bet you want him to give it to you from behind . Etc “ . All said playfully. Joke about having an orgy with him and his wife. Talk nonsense about all of you guys fucking each other in a hotel room. And how you’re even attracted to him and would put your dick in his ass/ mouth. Blur the lines, let your imagination run wild, the idea is you control the conversations and you’re unafraid. There is a commandment of poon about imagination and adventure - follow that. Roam. Demonstrate your dominance and strong frame by messing with her conflicting emotions through dialogue. And get her to talk about him, how she sees him/ others etc. Nothing should be off limits in conversation. She should voice out WITH YOU all those conflicting emotions and gradually get back to seeing you as her alpha. There should be no secrets and you being quiet / nerdy about it fuels her fire and spark he planted, maybe even a need for some adventure. (You must do that right by after the interaction however, when you’re back in hotel room, not 30 days later!)

Learn to see Chad as a normal occurrence in life. Like bad weather. He’s the hot dude at a Chippendales show. Or Brad Pitt. Of course women would go with him over you. But then turn that around through proper planning (life events, social interactions etc happen on your own terms and if suitable for you), confidence and conversation. Disarm that aura they have. See those guys as tools. Use them.

tom-anonymous · 2019-09-26T17:05:18+00:00

She's obviously attracted to him and thinks of him; even fantasizes about him as well.

Get rid of the idea that she would never cheat on you. I thought the same things about my unicorn. Trust me, she would under the right conditions.

You and I are very similar. The hamster runs strong in us. The only good thing about an overrun hamster is the fuel it can provide at the gym. For now use that until you get it together. Don't say anything to her, but keep an eye on it.

I caught my unicorn the same way. She was searching the other guy and his wife every hour. It started with just a few searches at first months before.

Ask yourself the question now, what do you plan to do if/when you catch your wife in an emotional affair? Figure that out now and then stick to it if/when it happens. This was my mistake. I kept finding more and more out over weeks and because I had a piss poor frame I kept trying to rationalize things on a scale of 1-10. This started 7 months ago.

This week I told my wife to prepare for the end. It's the best feeling to look at yourself in the mirror and see a man who's strong enough to walk away from a woman who cheated on him. Over the past 7 months I hated looking at myself until now.

Figure that shit out in advance before it happens.

lololasaurus · 2019-09-26T14:57:11+00:00

Because you're more invested in the relationship than she is. STFU, sidebar, lift.

0io- · 2019-09-26T15:08:38+00:00

Gotta work on that deadlift!

You're certainly lacking in "abundance mentality". Probably the thing to do at the bar in NoLa would have been to grab the other guy's wife and go dance with her next to them on the dance floor. If the other guy's wife isn't there grab someone young and pretty and dance with her. New Orleans is a party town and I don't think you can get too bent out of shape if people are running around drunk and partying. (Look at everyone flashing their tits at Mardi Gras, etc.)

So now you're in a bit of a hole because the other guy was fun to be around and you're not. Acting all butthurt and insecure is a huge turn off (as you know.)

You need to do a lot more work on yourself and make sure you're fun to be around. I'd keep an eye on the handsome stranger and make sure the wife isn't planning to meet him in Las Vegas or whatever (she's certainly thinking about it.) Nobody knows what the future holds but if you keep working on yourself and become more attractive I doubt the wife will go run off with this other guy. It's always a possibility, but you can't let that bother you the way it seems to be bothering you.

You need to keep in the back of your mind that if your wife ever did do that, you would start dating women who are a lot younger and hotter. It's your job to get your attractiveness up to a level where you wouldn't have any problem doing that (if that day ever comes.)

becoming_alpha · 2019-09-26T16:17:09+00:00

I feel like I have oneitis like a motherfucker and I am just being a jealous faggot.

Spot on. You have oneitis. AWALT. It's your turn right now but she might cheat, she might not want you anymore. You don't need to be happy with that fact, but you need to make peace with it. Stop spying and work on getting yourself comfortable with that uncomfortable idea.

You're scared of Chad (and what your wife will do with him) because he's a "better version of me but bigger, more tan." The way to not be scared of him is be a better version of yourself. Be bigger, be stronger, be more outgoing, be more tan, dress better, but the southern drawl is optional.

You're hamstering all over the place over some innocent drunken dancing. Use the situation for motivation to better yourself, not to be an insecure mate guarding pussy.

SoggyTrain · 2019-09-26T16:35:22+00:00

First, never talk about that night again. Second, chill out, this is the long game. FWIW I think your marriage is going to be fine IF you continue to improve beyond where you are at. You are obviously much more worried about her leaving you then she is about you leaving, fix that. I'd like to say my wife has never had a crush on someone else, but I know better. I do know if she left I would fuck someone 10 years younger than her, and that makes me feel better.

coachdad8 · 2019-09-26T19:37:53+00:00

I recently dealt with a similar situation in my house and my action plan has been to up my married game as I got lazy and opened the door for Hot Gym Chad.

After 11 years of marriage I assumed she would love my large bank account and ripped abs but forgot she also has a brain that's bored and needs stimulating. Lately I'm killing it with game and being the fun guy she's always been obsessed with. She's responded with affection, sex and unusually clingy behavior which I reward.

After 2 years of RP I still need a weekly reminder of the fundamentals, my wife made sure of that just like yours did. I needed the mind-fuck of seeing my wife secretly text a guy because I needed to see how I responded to it. Appreciate the reminder and get better.

RStonePT · 2019-09-26T18:11:38+00:00

I have a good job and make good money.

Why does every guy assume this means fuck all?

My wife (a solid 8 with a very friendly personality

I assume your wife is 22 then, because no mothers of 2 in their 30s are 8s. Most single girls in their 20s aren't 8s

MrChad_Thundercock · 2019-09-26T22:54:44+00:00

“I tell her in the morning I overreacted”

Pussy.

Also, “I think of us as a team”

Faggot.

She’s not your teammate, she’ll gut you for a better opportunity very quickly. She doesn’t love you the way you love her.. she only loves the way you make feelz and opportunities ($) you provide.

hack3ge · 2019-09-26T17:44:55+00:00

News at 11 - faggot with zero frame, no abundance and a giant case of oneitis melts down.....

Here is your problem:

mind you I have never thought my wife would cheat on me and I still don't think she ever would

You haven’t swallowed shit - even alphas get cheated on. Your wife got tingles from a guy who is better than you and you melted like a little bitch. I bet chad knows a good way to get her to sleep at night.

Honestly I’d be more concerned if other guys weren’t interested in my wife. It’s your wife job to mateguard herself - if she isn’t then you should realize you have work to do and she doesn’t respect you or think you can do better.

My wife wants to cheat that’s cool have at it - I get my freedom and the ability drown myself in 20 something pussy for the rest of my life.

P.S. - you are small as fuck you might want to start with your fuckarounditis in the gym that’s usually a good place to begin.

snatch_haggis · 2019-09-26T18:07:37+00:00

Oneitis you've already gotten good advice about.

The mate guarding on the dance floor made you look weak, it was poor form. It may have even tipped the scales. If he wasn't a threat, you wouldn't give a shit. My wife once spent half the night dancing with a guy with MS who was in a wheelchair. Do you think I reacted the way you did about it?

One reason not to get too drunk in social settings is so you can maintain frame and be a notch above the rest of the room. Can't hold your frame if you can't hold your liquor.

Here's another take on the whole thing though. Once the walls fall down it's hard not to see this stuff everywhere you look, and it can drive you nuts if you let it.

Dude may be an orbiter, she may be taking it further and she may not. Maybe she's playing chicken and went right to the edge of crossing the line, but no further. Maybe she's fucking him in a hotel room right now.

You. Will. Never. Really. Know.

Ultimately, jealousy is fear, and it's fear that comes from self-doubt. Deep down, you doubt you could get anyone better, and you think perhaps she could. You even said about this guy he "looks like a better version of me". And so you fret, you mate guard, and you go through her messages and search history.

BTW, one reason for her to delete her search history is that she knows you're going through it, so maybe your OpSec isn't optimal.

Again: You. Will. Never. Really. Know.

The only thing you truly have control over is becoming a better version of yourself, and she'll either respond to that or she won't.

And if she doesn't, somebody better will. You need to internalize that, and believe that.

Once you get further along in your path it won't matter, and shit like this will come up again, like it does with my wife, except she'll voluntarily tell you about it (like my wife does), and she'll say things out of the blue like "I never want to be with anybody else but you."

All of the above being said, if you can do so without seeming weak and jealous, you may have a right to say you need her to cut ties with this dude, if you can find a way to call things out without tipping your hand about how you know. I have no idea if you're subtle enough for that, probably not.

Balls_Wellington_ · 2019-09-26T19:54:14+00:00

OP, insecurity is ugly. The reason that OI and abundance mentality can turn on a woman is that it demonstrates security in one's frame. Insecurity does the exact opposite. Now your wife thinks "Hey, maybe there is a reason he is so threatened. Maybe this guy really is way better than my husband."

You are screaming out that you are threatened by this guy. It couldn't be more obvious to your wife if you rented a billboard that said "I AM AFRAID CHAD WILL FUCK MY WIFE."

There is some good advice on the subreddit for specific techniques to downplay a guy like this, but at the end of the day your insecurity is a self fulfilling prophecy.

Drop the issue. Let them talk. Stop being pathetic, and just do you. Your wife will stay or leave and this desperate mate guarding pretty much guarantees the negative outcome. I'm hardly an RP veteran but something I've done right even in my BP days is to never act threatened by a guy moving in on my partner. I can remember an old girlfriend asking why I wasn't jealous about some guy hitting on her, and I replied something to the effect of "Why would I be? If you want him, go be with him. I only want you if you want me too." Later, after we'd broken up, she told me that she found that response highly attractive.

Amused mastery. If you hadn't gone off already, I'd suggest something like "lol, that guy is totally hitting on you. Think you could con him into fixing the truck for us?" but the best thing now is to just act like it isn't a big deal until you realize it isn't a big deal.

RJP4420 · 2019-09-27T15:41:21+00:00

I used to worry about my wife cheating or leaving or finding someone else constantly. Like ALL the fucking time. It's because I knew I sucked so much. I used to check her phone, constantly asking her what she was up to. It was mate guarding to the extreme. It was some gay ass shit. I also thought my wife was SOOOOO great, I'd never find another like her, blah blah, Oneitis bullshit, she was a "9", she was amaz-fucking-azing.

Things change...

If she ever cheated, she'd be out on the street and she knows it. She's not a 9... maybe a 7.5 at best... she's a post-wall 38 year old with two kids. Sure, she's attractive... for her age.

> How did this happen?

You don't see yourself as the prize. All the talk about "i'm scared of divorce" is just bullshit talk. Divorce would be fine, you'd be fine. Who the fuck cares anyhow - it's just money.

> How do I get out of this anxiety filled jealousy that doesn't have much basis in reality?

You need to build some fucking abundance.

> What is my next logical step?

Talk to women regularly? Cashiers, baristas, whoever. Flirt with them. Notice IOIs. Start looking at women while out and about - think how many are attractive that you'd want to sleep with.

Stop looking at her history - stop worrying about what she is or isn't doing. You said yourself- there's nothing based in reality - you have no suspicions except your hamster. And tell that motherfucker to STFU - that if she cheats - great! it proves she's a shit wife, then you can go find someone who isn't shit and in the meantime go fuck a bunch of strange.

Smuggler-Tuek · 2019-09-26T15:23:12+00:00

Fuck his wife

Perfectinmyeyes · 2019-09-26T17:18:13+00:00

The other guys here seem to be more experienced in mate guarding etc...

I do agree with what they said. You cannot control your wife - only You.

If the shit does hit the fan, how are you going to handle it and what guy do you want to be?

The guy taking care of his shit or the guy afraid?

JameisBong · 2019-09-26T17:39:38+00:00

I skipped everything to say what would you do if she cheated?Would your life be affected by her leaving?If it does work on removing that from the equation. You should always be your own mental point of origin. No woman,job or anything external should define you.B e a man's man and get to work Sir,your wife is thinking there are better options out there,news flash even betas don't like divorced single moms for anything outside of a casual fling

shouldergirdle · 2019-09-27T02:02:38+00:00

Dread! Men don't feel dread. Women feel dread. Dread is a competition anxiety that women feel when their men start attracting the attention of other women. A woman's response to dread is to solidify the relationship by fucking more and better.

There is no way that my wife, at 30+ yr old with multiple kids, depreciating assets is going to create a competition anxiety in me. She knows that if she does anything, emotional cheating, physical cheating she would be out the door so fast her head would spin. No discussion, no talking it over. Would free me up to sample some 22 yr olds. She would be replaced, tout suite, double time.

Wait a minute. I get it now. YOU are the woman in this relationship. Doing the cooking and cleaning, worrying about losing your soulmate, trying desperately to reconnect through hysterical bonding.

Perhaps, just by chance, your wife is looking for a leader. That's why chad is so appealing. If women are not led in a relationship, they are anxious and unhappy. They are forced to lead. Makes them resentful.

Lead your woman and your family. Break the oneitis. Be the man that she desperately needs.

FRAME

redwall92 · 2019-09-26T16:39:42+00:00

Does your wife have as much access to your phone and this reddit account as you have to her phone and her fb messenger account?

If so, you're asking for a shit ton of bricks to hit you in the face. Ideally ... that shouldn't matter. Shit tons of bricks fly around all day long in this world, and a good man can handle what needs to be handled. But as a new guy ... this particular shit ton of bricks won't help you.

snatch_haggis · 2019-09-26T18:11:43+00:00

Bench 230lbs, Squat 365lbs, OHP 160lbs, Deadlift 215lbs

At 5' 10 and 165lbs, after lifting for 18 months? You have either a flair for embellishment or some weird asymmetries and a base you built back up from.

impalemee · 2019-10-16T14:51:58+00:00

I can help you.

Title	Why am I the one feeling so much dread?
Author	RJP4420
Upvotes	21
Comments	60
Date	September 26, 2019 2:53 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/d9kpvx/why_am_i_the_one_feeling_so_much_dread/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/why-am-i-the-one-feeling-so-much-dread.287542 https://theredarchive.com/post/287542