Is it too late to confront?

InChargeMan · 2020-03-10T20:50:12+00:00

Your wife works at a bar? Red flag on her

Your wife's boss feels comfortable making sexual comments and insinuating drugging (and presumably raping) your wife and you do nothing? Red flag on you

UnbreakableFrame · 2020-03-10T18:18:58+00:00

It's your wife's responsibility to draw that line, not yours.

Edit: you should be posting on Own Your Shit.

SBIII · 2020-03-10T19:10:31+00:00

You know when someone makes a joke at your expense, then later that evening, you think of a great comeback but it's irrelevant because the moment is gone?

That's what this is.

Forget about it. You'll look like a tool bringing it up now.

The reality of this is that you are a pussy. If you weren't, this wouldn't be an issue because you'd either have dealt with it at the time or just not given a shit about it, depending on your frame.

The issue here isn't him at all, it's you.

Redrover857 · 2020-03-10T18:52:07+00:00

I don’t think confronting this is mate guarding at all. If someone other than one of my close friends said that to my wife in front of me I would not take it well. That’s almost hard to believe. Like something Todd Packer would say.

red-sfpplus · 2020-03-10T20:44:26+00:00

Lift more.

People literally do not fuck with you when you have 18” arms.

Never.

Period.

HeckleandChide · 2020-03-11T18:45:11+00:00

The responses here are a bit across the board because you are too much of an autist to be able to read the situation well enough to give us the information we need.

There’s a big difference between: 1) AMOG who is just shit-talking and having a good time, 2) a sexual predator, and 3) an average Joe trying to slide in with your wife. You clearly don’t know which this guy is which makes your situation tough because those three would each merit different responses.

If he is a AMOG, then shit talking right back at him would be the best way, in a joking manner. Something like “why would she drink Natty Lite with you when she gets Patron with me” or something like that. Add in a shit-eating grin. Just two dudes bantering.

If he is a sexual predator, then you handle it differently. Laugh like it’s funny then find a time to have a one on one discussion with him where no other eyes are present and she doesn’t know about it. That’s not mate-guarding, that’s literally potentially life-saving.

If he is an average Joe trying to diss you, then a similar but subtly different approach from #1 should be used. Say about the same thing but then laugh at him, not with him. There’s a difference if you aren’t an autist.

Ultimately though, all of this is predicated on you not being a faggot autist. These are tools that capable, confident men can use but weaklings can’t. It’s more who you are than what you do.

And perhaps Redsffplusbuttplug said it best. This dude wouldn’t say a damn thing if you had 18” arms.

part_wolf · 2020-03-10T18:52:22+00:00

At the moment i just shook my head and looked at him.

How did he react?

0io- · 2020-03-10T21:43:30+00:00

From how you describe it the boss guy probably just has a goofy or off sense of humor. Since you're right there, and he's trying to serve you guys drinks, he's trying his comedy. If wife doesn't look at him with a knowing look and seem obviously turned on by him (like they have some kind of special in-jokes) it's probably just his corny/stupid sense of humor. I would have been cracking jokes back at him, like "you know we can't pay you extra for the roofies". That hardly sounds like seductive talk to me, those sound like wisecracks. I assume he's using a Quagmire voice with his juice jokes or something. Barman is probably high on cocaine or some other stimulant and that kind of thing seems hilarious to him.

Unless there was some obvious sexual chemistry between them or she has a history of cheating on you with her employer, I would certainly not confront him. I've seen people in those customer service jobs "bust loose" after hours where they can say stuff that they would never say to anyone one the job. They have to be nice and appropriate and professional all day, when it's just friends they can goof off and be inappropriate and unprofessional. I would bet money that's all he was doing.

"Oh did my wife tell you the story of how we met? She lost her license because she was drugging people and taking advantage of them, but that's how we fell in love."

When somebody is making WTF jokes to you, you're expected to come up over the top with a more outrageous WTF statement back to them.

"It was all fun and games though until those six people died... had to leave in a real hurry. Still can't go back to Texas because of the warrants."

I think you're taking it way too seriously.

screechhater · 2020-03-11T01:23:54+00:00

You didn’t vet well.

Jokes on you. It seriously is

Sidebar. Lift.

Tambamwham · 2020-03-11T19:00:28+00:00

If he said that to my wife he’d be picking up his teeth. But I also wouldn’t be married to a woman that works at a bar. That’s a problem you need to solve. And Theres probably a metric fuck ton that you don’t know.

Rogue68486 · 2020-03-11T02:35:21+00:00

Tooling him with humor would have been your best bet. It's easier said than done when someone says something out of line

"I've got a bloody mary for you, if you keep it up champ" would probably be too direct

Don't take your anger at being a pussy out on your wife. It just makes things worse.

Title	Is it too late to confront?
Author	NoHardFeeliings
Upvotes	11
Comments	57
Date	March 10, 2020 6:11 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/fgi75h/is_it_too_late_to_confront/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/is-it-too-late-to-confront.354746 https://theredarchive.com/post/354746