INTRO

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Thank you red pill. Entering the market as a kissless bluepill/whiteknight/raised-by-single-BPD-mother/apologetic/effeminate virgin I would've been absolutely fucked if not TRP.

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I’m not asking for validation of my wishes or tough love. I need an outside opinion, cause being in the center of this fog I can’t see.

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I don't have oneitis for her. If I did I wouldn’t be asking this question. I can walk away. But I prefer to save this because of good everything else is. Other than what I'm about to say, I like everything about her and she has been really good to me.

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BODY

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Prior to this I had absolutely no romantic interaction with girls other than some texting on dating sites.

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Me - 22, virgin with good looks and good career, purple pill (in the beginning)

Her - 24, n-count 10-15, average looks, has more male friends than female

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I found her on a dating site. We're 2000 miles apart.

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We started talking through webcam. We liked each other so much that we began making plans of living together.

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She wanted to meet me asap, offered to come, or pay for my trip so that I come to her, but I postponed due to my insecurities so it turned into an LDR. I didn't know any better, besides, being a virgin I didn't even want sex, so I didn't care about meeting her, I enjoyed the conversations.

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I approached the relationship autistically and pushed it forward as hard as if I was gonna marry her.

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Two months in, she broke the pattern of prioritizing me and went for a walk with her housemate instead. That made me suspicious. A few days later she told me she tried to have sex with the guy she went with but stopped at kissing cause she doesn't like his personality. I stopped talking to her, but after 5 days I hamstered it away thinking "well, we're not officially together; she didn't explicitly commit to me; we haven't even met in person" and I continued talking to her online.

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Then after two more months we met for the first time and spent 3 days living together. She said "I love you", "You're fucking perfect", "You're the sweetest guy I've ever met", "You're the only person I could imagine myself being in an LTR with". I got my first kiss and sex. (I remember some guy writing about his first experience, he said "it's like touching a smooth pig" haha so fucking true)

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A week after that she got a little distant and bitchy, and I being insecure assumed that she doesn’t like me anymore, so I decided not to wait until the relationship eventually goes to shit and made the insanely painful decision of ghosting my Onetitis. It caused weeks of pain, but it helped me finally regain myself, cure oneitis, and internalize red pill.

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Didn't talk to her for almost two months. Then went on facebook and saw a bunch of messages from her throughout the period we didn't talk. Turns out she was really torn by my absence. So I started talking to her again.

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She wanted to dial down the romance and be more like friends, but I finally confessed love and that made her really happy, and from then on she became very loving.

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After a while she invited me to move to her country and live at her place. I wanted to move anyway so I agreed. The plan is that I come to her in a week from now.

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Today I asked her whether she had any other sexual thing with someone else up until now, other than the housemate kiss. Turns out she almost had sex with an old friend 2 weeks ago. She said it's cause I wasn't there and cause we're not in a proper relationship yet. And also that she has commitment issues. She said our relationship seems so great that it is probably the last one, so she fears having one sexual partner for the rest of her life. But she doesn't want to be polygamous either.

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She didn't tell me earlier cause for her this was emotionally insignificant and she didn't know that it would hurt me.

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She said she will never do anything like that once I'm there with her in person in a normal relationship. She said even if I'm gone for months, she will masturbate like mad instead of fucking someone else.

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She says that when our relationship turns from an LDR to a proper one, she will be loyal, and would feel guilty for being otherwise.

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Should I believe her?

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I'm just fucking confused. Yes, an LDR isn't a real relationship, but to me everything felt real. My love for her was real. The fact I avoided other girls was real. I feel cheated for real. But then she never explicitly committed to me and we met only once... I don’t know..

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Thank you.