Anyone else notice it's the losers within your circle who hate seeing you succeed? I.e. crab bucket mentality

truthbomb999 · 2019-04-08T21:26:24+00:00

Greg Plitt said it best:

“The road to success is a very lonely road. You’re not gonna see too many friends. It’s only you with your shadow. Once you get there, many people will love you, also many people will hate you. Because your success is a huge spotlight, shining on their failures.” – Greg Plitt

redhawkes · 2019-04-08T17:05:58+00:00

You’re the company you keep. Avoid being seen with low SMV people, it lowers your value too.

And to answer your question, yes it’s pretty common. Remove the crabs from your life.

No matter what you do/success, they’re gonna protect their ego by resenting you.

CainPrice · 2019-04-08T16:57:14+00:00

It's ego investment. Happens all over.

"So what if you're in shape now? I have other hobbies in life besides being a muscle-bound meathead!"

"So what if you're making good money now? I'm not a workaholic like you!"

"So what if you're getting laid now? I don't even want to have casual sex with worthless sluts like you do! I don't obsess over pussy!"

Whatever you succeed at, the fact that you're better than another guy in some way won't matter to them - they will declare that the way you're better doesn't matter, and in fact, is somehow a flaw of yours and that real men wouldn't obsess over succeeding in the ways you have.

84throwaway21 · 2019-04-08T20:26:17+00:00

It could be that they secretly despise you somehow

throwaway19991312 · 2019-04-08T19:00:29+00:00

I completely understand. When I started boxing I got the same shit but I never got annoyed. Its hard to get irritated when someones slagging you for becoming a better version of you. Honestly taking the first step is one of the best decisions Ive ever made.

Project_Zero_Betas · 2019-04-08T21:02:35+00:00

Has anyone else noticed the trend of it being unsuccessful, jealous friends who tend to turn on you when you succeed?

Merely friends? Try an entire town!

Dane50 · 2019-04-09T00:55:22+00:00

I’m a successful middle aged man. Peer envy only gets worse. It’s like a disease among some professionals.

The more successful you are the worse it gets. When you are at my age and level most of your social activities are with people who want something from you. Hang on to what true friends you have from this period in your life. Rid your self of anyone consistently negative or envious.

disgruntledsailor7 · 2019-04-09T01:10:06+00:00

Yep. I've surpassed my parents financially, and I'm humble about it.

My father knows and has told me in a pained voice how proud he is, etc. Then proceeds to take subtle potshots saying I didn't earn it, I had it easy, or that it won't play out this way in the future.

Sad to hear it coming from my own dad, but it gives me solace that I know everything I've done was due to my own actions, and moving forward I can rely on myself.

RedBloodHunter · 2019-04-09T05:57:19+00:00

I'm pretty fortunate in that my closest high school friends are all pretty like (and open) minded. All of us are constantly striving to improve ourselves and our situation. I've discussed red pill concepts with them, and while they disagree, they also appreciate some of the information.

Perhaps they aren't as religious as I am when it comes to diet, exercise, etc. but they do support me in a sort of brotherly fashion, I've never felt like they're trying to pull me down.

Conversely, another high school friend I had from a separate circle (he was in with the jocks, my current circle were all geeks/nerds) has continued to improve himself after high school, but the jock circle of friends he's had all got fat with mundane jobs. We weren't particularly close during high school (there was even some animosity there - high school bullshit), but a few years back he reached out to me randomly and we've developed a good friendship out of it. He's admitted that he prefers hanging out with me, as we share similar values and are like minded, whereas he feels like his old high school friends resent him for succeeding.

I certainly never anticipated that we'd be friends when I was in high school, but I'm not complaining, he's a good bloke and has good game.

So yeah, it's a pretty common thing for unsuccessful people to try and shame their successful 'friends' back down to their level.

thrwy75479 · 2019-04-09T07:55:25+00:00

Yes, there are people that hate seeing you succeed. At the same time, I'm not entirely convinced that people close to you actually want to see you fail. They might even get what they want but are almost guaranteed to feel horrible afterwards, if they're normal people, that is.

It's a human thing to want social connection, and when people are invested in you, they don't want to lose you, and it's this desire that can make them try to put you down, or sabotage you. It's natural to sometimes be jealous or envious. We all do it.

Is it still harmful to be around them? Perhaps, but depending on the severity of the case, if it's someone that you're close to, it may be worthwhile to at least have a talk with them about it rather than making snap decisions and crucifying someone for simply being human.

INNASKILLZ2K18 · 2019-04-08T22:58:16+00:00

'See when you're shining, some chumps'll wanna dull ya Always selfish jealous punks will wanna pull ya Down, just like some shellfish in a bucket 'Cause they love it to see your ass squirm like a worm But just as you'll receive what is coming to you Everybody else is gonna get theirs too'

-Guru/Gang Starr - 'Moment Of Truth'

Always the way, cuz motherfuckers know they're failing and it's easier to see others fail too.

Be damn thankful you're moving up. It's a great feeling. Cut them off.

UnderneathTheGun · 2019-04-09T09:21:31+00:00

It's not only common on the road of self improvement, it's common on the read of life!

BurnoutRS · 2019-04-09T11:40:58+00:00

Most people fail to understand the fluidity of being. Your personality, who you are, is made up of fixed and moveable traits.

If you meet someone, become friends and you both stay exactly the same, you'll likely remain friends. People dont understand change, especially when its not happening to them, and even more so when they arent driving it. From your perspective its "im working hard. making incremental improvement" and from your friends perspective its "Whoa whats up with my buddy? Hes not the same guy all of a sudden."

MattyAnon · 2019-04-09T14:51:23+00:00

Oppositely, successful friends are happy for me, and me for them. Is this common on the road of self improvement?

Totally normal

Be awesome and other awesome people will be attracted to you. Filter out the losers quickly.

Psychological_Radish · 2019-04-09T15:52:14+00:00

My mom taught me early on that friends come and go. Once you're removed from the college setting, you realize within a few years that many of your school friendships have grown stale. The only things you really had in common were living quarters and classes.

At 25, it is glaringly obvious that I don't fit in with my old social circle. They have all settled into boring 9-5 jobs, don't lift, don't have many hobbies or ambition. Everyone is either in an LTR or trying to find a LTR. I cringe when I watch how my friends behave around their girlfriends. I used to have female friends, but now I have a hard time relating to girls outside a sexual context.

There is going to be some initial loneliness, OP, but letting people go mentally prepares you to make new friends. Last year I entered a new living situation with several new roommates. One of them is a guy around my age who is a jacked lifter, highly ambitious in his career, and just generally a lot of fun to be with. Meeting him was a gamechanger. This guy is a much better fit for me as a friend at this stage of my life. Still, I was lucky to have ran into him; I need to do a better job of putting myself out there. That's one of my top priorities this year.

If there's anything I've learned about friendship, it is that you should have more Alpha friends. Other men and women will view you as more successful and attractive because Alphas usually hang out with other Alphas

Title	Anyone else notice it's the losers within your circle who hate seeing you succeed? I.e. crab bucket mentality
Author	84throwaway21
Upvotes	65
Comments	45
Date	April 8, 2019 4:52 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/baw5va/anyone_else_notice_its_the_losers_within_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/anyone-else-notice-its-the-losers-within-your.224755 https://theredarchive.com/post/224755