Emasculated, Exasperated

vondoom900 · 2019-11-26T01:04:16+00:00

This is natural. Its just the way our brains are hooked up - the areas of the brain that light up during this time are those that light up in a drug addicts head. You think of the ' good times ' instead of the bs also. ' literally what a smackhead thinks about during withdrawal'.

So let's unhook your brain from this bs.

1# concentrate on the bad times. The anger here can be valuable fuel if channelled correctly - trust me I got in absolute iron man shape after one long term relationship.

2# She wasnt 1 in a billion she was 1 of a billion. There's plenty of better women out there.

3# you were the reason you had fun not her. You seem to forget that. Once you regain abundance this will be as clear as day.

Shit takes time but once you heal up it's like your minds callused to it. Spartan proof.

somejerseydude · 2019-11-26T01:24:10+00:00

Your head is on straight...be thankful for that.

Your back on your mission, lifting, spending time with family/the boys, and aren’t taking responsibility for what happened because it wasn’t your fault.

Healing takes time and any non-LARPer here will tell you that.

You’ll get your mojo back soon enough.

If you’re ready, hop on tinder and talk to women, it’s a low effort way to get some cheap validation and show yourself that you’re still the prize.

You’ll be over this thot in no time boyo.

mr-satan · 2019-11-26T01:30:08+00:00

Let me ask you something... what do you really miss about her? What did she bring to the table that is actually irreplaceable?

Answer: nothing.

That’s what helps me out on these types of situations. I realize woman truly don’t bring anything to the table that the next girl doesn’t.

The bitch that’s works at McDonalds pussy isn’t different than Halle Berrys.

INAPICTTAA · 2019-11-26T02:25:52+00:00

[deleted]

IcyBear7 · 2019-11-26T01:29:35+00:00

time. literally just time and the hard ass fucking conscious effort to distract yourself. If you are truly as great as you believe you are and you know this to be based on objective reality, then know that she will be going from one guy to another constantly comparing them to you and realizing she fucked up.

i know pua and rsd get shit on here but Tyler did say some profound things, one of them being: I gave her such a fun life filled with such a great social circle and parties that basically it'd take one of the most ripped tall guy on earth to replace me.

take on that philosophy

redpilllogin · 2019-11-26T01:29:00+00:00

I went through it more than once in my blue pill days. What you're feeling is completely normal and there's no magic pill that will fix it, only time my brother. You are doing the right thing by using the pain productively and working on yourself, but the shitty feeling won't go away overnight. It will take time. You are not the first nor the last person to go through this and the result is always the same: as time goes by things simply get better. That's all I can tell you. Keep doing what you're doing and trust the process. In a few months you're going to look back and you'll understand.

tilleuno · 2019-11-26T02:11:52+00:00

It's not about her.

Its about your ego.

You can strip her out of the equation when you think about your feelings from now on. Because this is about you vs yourself.

Your vision of yourself becomes cracked as the cheating is physically manifested evidence that you are flawed.

This is your opportunity to slow down and take yourself introspective. Look at everything you think is wrong with you, and what you want to change and work on... and get to work on it.

It will take time, and the moment you go ZERO contact/looking on all fronts, is the moment that healing begins. If you open that door and look back (facebook, photos, Instagram, any version of looking back or checking up) - it stalls or reverses the healing process.

You are free again. You always were, this time the chill of being alone hits with more of a crisp air though. You need to get comfortable with that, learn to work on yourself until you LOVE yourself.

Travel if you can, 6 years is long. It's the ultimate way to get over a break up.

Manny1400 · 2019-11-26T01:38:42+00:00

That is going to happen to a lot of guys--in fact, most.

I thought I was Mr. hot shit before a chick cheated on me hardcore. I had broken up with all previous girlfriends before that. The chick who did me wrong was very hot, and had a pretty cool personality too, but I was a placeholder relationship for her, and she got back with her ex-boyfriend. Lied to me, and I felt like garbage. I was pissed.

Then I realized that the problem was me: I went into that with the wrong attitude, and let her control things. I was displaying some beta traits (jealousy, complaining, etc.). I was still relatively young and stupid.

So it was a blow to the ego, but it was also a learning experience. It took some time, but I learned to be carefree, more assertive in my desires, and less transfixed on women. And when I got my shit together, I finally did find a girl to marry. I've been married ever since.

Nergaal · 2019-11-26T03:10:52+00:00

Alcohol is a very nasty drug. Don't underestimate it.

I spent 6 years building up a solid-ass relationship with a great girl

It means she has started to be done with you probably at least half a year before the cheating happened. No even insane people give up a relationship of 6 years in a night. She has been mini-cheating on you for a while before that.

ProFriendZoner · 2019-11-26T03:24:39+00:00

Ok ... my take ...

YOU spent 6 years building up a solid ass relationship.

What did she do?

YOU were the best thing that ever happened to her.

That's a huge red flag to me. You can't treat a woman better than she thinks of herself. And as you learned, she didn't give a shit how you treated her.

YOU gave up alcohol for a month. So the previous six years you both were drinking. Do you know that she wasn't cheating on you with anyone else? Remember the alcohol was the excuse for the behavior. She was going to, or was already, fucking him.

Are you seeing the pattern yet?

YOU were the one doing it all.

What the @#$* was she doing in those 6 years besides using you for room and board?

You were the beta bucks.

You learned some harsh lessons and yes, I feel for you. It hurts like no other hurt in the world. But these emotions don't serve you anymore so jettison them. Keep doing what you're doing. Hanging out with friends and family. Reading the sidebar. Lifting and such.

And boundaries. Learn how to set them and to keep them.

And please, keep us posted as to your progress from this and any insights you come up with from it.

leftajar · 2019-11-26T04:22:39+00:00

One of the challenges of dating someone for so long, and breaking up, is the social life.

If you built a social life together, and she splits, it can reduce your people-contact. Are you getting out enough? Are you replacing some of the interaction-time you lost, with fresh socializing?

If not, that may help.

INAPICTTAA · 2019-11-26T04:29:53+00:00

[deleted]

MattyAnon · 2019-11-26T03:21:26+00:00

I spent 6 years building up a solid-ass relationship with a great girl.

There is no such thing as relationship equity, and there are no perfect girls.

You do not "build a relationship". Relationships start awesome and go downhill. They are not an investment. It's more like having a car than a house: they start off fast and great .... they get slower.... the costs increase... and eventually you're just better off with a new car. The timelines vary, the story is universal.

If you got 6 years then great.... but I'm sorry you invested so much of yourself into this project that was owned and ultimately destroyed by someone else.

Sorry this happened and sorry I don't have more constructive to add, except to say this doesn't reflect on you. It's a cruel trick of women that makes men feel responsible in some way for their cheating. Fact is that a few years of your being faithful is enough to convince women that they need to cheat. It's brutal but inescapable.

dzkkne · 2019-11-26T01:45:58+00:00

Look, I don’t know what kind of relationship you had, the were probably some red flags that you didn’t notice. I doubt it was all perfect and out of the blue.

I have been in similar situation, 8 years together and engaged..

Basically man, it takes time. You need to try chill out, accept what you feel. Don’t try and get in to this angry mode - I hate women, I will never be cheated on ever again bla bla

This shit happens left and right. Just understand that it will take your brain at least a few months to a year to get over it and fully recover your ego. In the mean time you should try and fill your life with new experiences including new women.

Just think about the benefits of not being in the relationship and go stuff that you wanted all this time.. dive in

Andrew54321 · 2019-11-26T04:23:12+00:00

Accept full responsibility of the situation.
What can you learn/gain from this? (Bet it was your vetting)
What do you want?
What can you change about your thinking, actions and decisions to get to what you want?
What is the duration of this attempted change before review?
What can be acted upon within 48 hours?
Execute 6.
Repeat 6 & 7 for as long as specified in 5.

StoicRadiant · 2019-11-26T04:44:33+00:00

I had a girl of about three years cheat on me. Around this time I was already quite red pilled, but I also practiced Stoicism. One thing that gets hammered into you is negative visualization, in which you occasionally take the time to visualize bad things that may happen to you. The thought process is that because you would take the time to visualize these things every now and then, you'd mentally strengthen yourself against it. So when this girl cheated on me, it still hurt, but the mental impact was rather minimal, and thus it was much easier for me to move forward. Life is nothing but change, and there are only a few things we have control of. A committed relationship can go south at any time as we only have a some control of it. Enjoy your time with that person, but keep in mind that "the glass is already broken."

drsherbert · 2019-11-26T02:50:25+00:00

It was 6 years dawg. I’m willing to bet at least 3 of those were good. So 50% or more of it was good. Try not to focus on all the shitty moves you made. I’m sure you could’ve done some things better, but so could she. it’s not a reflection of your ineptitude. It’s her inability to control her sexual impulses. I’ve been thru it before. The shit hurts, but it does get better. Right now, you’re probably thinking like, what did that guy have that you didn’t? The answer is nothing. She’ll keep prodding for his weakness and exploit it. They can’t help it. Take good care of yourself and your friends and family. Feel the pain in its entirety and become a stronger man. This is a growth period. If you keep growing, the next one won’t be able to hurt you.

ChadTheWaiter100 · 2019-11-26T05:21:55+00:00

Why did you give up caffeine? 10 years ago my ex cheated on me with my best friend, while I was on life support. You’ll live bro.

ialreadyreadit333 · 2019-11-26T03:56:31+00:00

That's 6 years of building trust broken in one go. You're going to have to grieve for the relationship and that's exactly what you're going through.

It's important to remember as you do this, though, that her actions speak about her character... not about your value.

While you go through this process keep occupied with self improvement as you always should, and you will find yourself beginning to heal in no time.

gsp9511 · 2019-11-26T04:33:50+00:00

Look up these two videos on Youtube. They have helped me a lot to get in the right mindset to go through a recent painful breakup. The videos' titles are:

How to heal a broken heart | Guy Winch
Surviving a breakup - Russell Brand

Also, whenever the thought of her crosses your mind, just let it cross. Don't fight it. But don't delve into it, either. Just let the thought come... and go. That being said, practicing meditation might also help you.

INAPICTTAA · 2019-11-26T04:45:32+00:00

A month is nowhere near enough time to get over this. You need to realise it's probably going to take at least a year for this to stop sucking. You're not even over the worst of it yet. Suffering and pain are part of life and it's just something you need to put up with until time heals.

What TRP prescribes isn't an instant fix. It is the best you can do in a shitty situation. You will be suffering for a while. My last LTR I left her and it took me about 18 months to stop suffering when I dwelt on it all. I knew it was the right choice but it took a long time for the love to fade.

Just chin up bro and believe that time will eventually heal. Time heals all. It will feel like it's never going to get better, especially once you're like 6-9 months in and you still feel sad/angry about it. But one day you'll look back on it all and you won't feel pain. That is certain.

beastmodeking · 2019-11-26T05:22:21+00:00

Bro you were with her for 6 years onentis or not your going to feel pain. Sounds like you both have had trouble with drinking sorry to hear. Girls act in the moment she got drunk and cheated she would never take responsibility for her actions though because women never do. She will blame the alcohol or her boss etc. she should have never been allowed to go out alone with her boss though. That’s a boundary you need to have as a man. You have to put your foot down and tell her she could go hang with her boss but just know when you come back this relationship is over. I would journal about this relationship. What did you learn ? About yourself and her ? What lessons can you take out of this ? Look back and right down all the red flags and warning signs and right down all the times you gave into her frame. Every relationship in life is a lesson not just with girls but everyone your involved with. You must learn the lessons that this relationship brought you so next time you don’t repeat the same mistakes. bro I feel for you I can feel your pain I know it’s hard. Do what I said and continue to grow and become the best man you can be. As for this ho block her number and block her from all social social media if you haven’t already. You have to treat her as if she’s dead it’s time for you to heal and come back stronger. Also the reason it’s so hard because she’s like your drug. Your brain got so used to her with all the emotions etc once you take that drug away In this situation this girl your brain is gonna go crazy. Time heals all wounds is what I’ll also like to add

1pointtwentyone · 2019-11-26T05:50:02+00:00

Sorry man. Don’t underestimate the effect that giving up caffeine has on your mood. It will take a long time for your brain to rewire. I feel “small” when I give it up.

Kabuki431 · 2019-11-26T06:07:40+00:00

This community is the biggest supporter of people who have been wronged by women, you will get some tough love here. Being said that

Your new love is iron, it will never disappoint you, cheat on you or let you down.

Use anger as fuel to build your self back up.

2019-11-26T06:20:54+00:00

When you're in relationship, you brain releases dopamine, so now it's over, your body misses those dopamine hits it used to have,

It's same like when a drug user tries to stop using it, it's body crave for it.

So only way you can feel normal is when your body get used to not getting those dopamine hits and that my friend happens only with time and Patience .

I've been through this, it will take time but you will be okay with time.

You're really not missing that person but those dopamine hits.

319Skew · 2019-11-26T06:30:21+00:00

OP I feel you man.

I'll share with you my story but it's one that you'll hear countless times and if anything that I share helps then all the better.

I was married to what I honestly believed was a goddamn unicorn. Strong morals, no dick count, good family ties and she was average with a what I thought was a good personality.

Almost 11 years later, after our child was born, I was picking up the pieces of my broken heart and trying to rationalize why it was all over.

She didn't cheat but after my son was born, she pushed me out her life like yesterday's garbage.

I spent thousands trying to build a life with her, moved across the country to make her happy and overcame my fear of creating a family only to have that smash my face and break me.

Here's what I learned:

There are no unicorns

All things end. Good or bad it's all temporary

Your pain is unoriginal and others have shared it

Your ego is all that truly hurts . You are not your ego.

She's not special or unique.

When you are going through hell it makes sense to keep going

Don't get me wrong, it's been years and there are times where I miss the idea of her but then I remind myself that the same women who lay on my chest after a passion filled night is the same person that tried to frame me for assault to keep my son away from me since it was the only way to hurt me.

After hooking up and seeing so very many single moms, it shook me to the core how quickly they lay blame on the guy and realizing that she's doing the same with some random Chad gave me an appreciation for how real war widows is a thing.

You are dead to her. She's moved on. Don't hold onto a barbed anchor when you have an entire sea to sail.

PhaedrusHunt · 2019-11-26T06:30:44+00:00

Fuck it man.

We've all been there.

Although that's really got to suck this far into a relationship.

Anytime I was cheated on it was within the first year. Six years is a long time. I know that shit hurts.

But let's be honest. I bet this bitch was a pain in the ass.

Wasn't she?

Fuck her.

Fuck her feelings. Fuck her crawling back to you.

I got married when I was 23, she screwed around with a rando she met at the bar. Made excuses changed her story so many times all that. I tried to make it work for a bit, actually revenge cheated (the follies of youth) with an absolute dime piece that had what is still to this date damn near two decades later the absolute best feeling pussy I've ever fucked. And guess who got turned into the bad guy?

You should not care about the feelings of women like this at all. They get NONE of your sympathy. I remember when I told her I was leaving. She got violent and that was that. It was during the middle of a move when we were moving to a bigger house. I had to take about a week to get my stuff ready, and we had both places during that overlap. But the last two nights I went ahead and stayed with her, fucked her cold blooded as hell. The next morning I had a definite time I was going to leave. She was making my favorite food (the bitch could really cook I'll give her that) but I was just leaving, are yelling at me aren't you going to stay and eat? Desperate. I turned on my heel and walked.

She called me and I answered. She said she was going to go commit suicide (this was a total low blow because my sister had committed suicide Just a couple of years prior, and she knew how deeply that had affected me). I laughed and told her to do it, that she would be doing me a favor. Then I called her brother and told him he should go check on her because she had told me that. He laughed his ass off. He hated her and had warned me about her. Wish I still knew him lol.

Remember, she is solipsistic. She didn't give your feelings the time of day.

For your own mental health, block her everywhere.

And go get some pussy. It helps (it did for me anyway), and it will make you feel attractive again.

In the meantime work on yourself and really spend some time analyzing the relationship. Was it your fault? Did you vet correctly? Where did you go wrong?

Also how did you find out?

Vipe777 · 2019-11-26T06:53:28+00:00

Had a very similar experience in September. 3.5 years of relationship, I'm the best thing that's ever happened to her (according to basically everyone around her), then out of the blue she hooks up with some guy.

It still hurts very, very much, I'm not gonna lie. But the thing that has helped me tremendously is just getting in contact with other girls again. I do this via Tinder, since I don't really have time to go out at the moment (full time job, dog at home). Just getting girls to write me, to compliment me, to want to meet up with me, that helps taking my brain off of her.

I also remind myself of the following saying; pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.
It will hurt, but it's your choice if you let it bring you down.

(This is just one thing, other users already commented some other very important things like go lift, concentrate on yourself, read, meditate etc. Don't neglect those things!)

whammyface · 2019-11-26T07:07:08+00:00

I’m curious as to has she’s been since she cheated. You tell the guys wife? You report them to HR?

idontevenlift37 · 2019-11-26T07:37:27+00:00

6 years man, that’s a long time. Fact of the matter is she was a big part of your life and now thanks to her shitty decision she can’t be part of it anymore. You don’t get over something like that overnight, no matter how red pilled you are. It’s just gonna take some time, plain and simple. I’m just like you, when I sit down and it’s just me and my thoughts they tend to go where I don’t want them to. Just gotta keep grinding and keep yourself busy. With more success and growth you’ll get past this brother.

amphix339 · 2019-11-26T07:48:54+00:00

Hey man I don't really have any great advice, never been in such a LTR but I see your head is in the right space and you're thinking about this logically, more than most people can do. Like all things it'll get better with time but there is only one thing that will make it all better; fuck more bitches

ThatCub3K1d · 2019-11-26T08:09:19+00:00

Pretty new to trp only been going at it for a couple months now. So I'm not gonna be the guy who tells you how to go back out and hold.frame with other women again. No I'm gonna be the guy who got cheated on from a girl I had killer oneitis for. For a girl I lived with was feeding her, paying her rent, and paying for her car insurance. I was ready to marry this girl in an instant. Long story short slept with roommate, kicker her out, she moved in with my roommate, for various reasons I won't get into rn I kinda had to live with them for 6-7 months after the matter. This was all when I was a blue pill bitch, so I had no idea what I was doing. Thought I just lost my soulmate. Life was rough, suicidal thoughts all the time. I had to pick myself back up, without the help of this community, without any knowledge of abundance mentality, or how to go out find another girl or even interest in another girl. So those moments of being alone, was pretty much me 24/7. I get it it sucks, blindsided, no idea what you did wrong or how to not let it happen again, where to even go. Well I can tell you it gets a lot better, the more you sit and obsessively think about it you won't go anywhere. What did it for me was new girls, had to have relationships with new girls, see the difference. Begin to learn and pick up what works and what doesn't. It really helps you break down what happened and where you went wrong as well as compare and contrast. For me that gave me confidence, learning how to improve. This was all years before I found redpill, think about how well you can do with this pool of knowledge and a community. Don't commit, if you do, be prepared for infidelity. If she doesn't great you did good you held frame you kept your smv higher than any other guy she was capable of attracting. If she does learn where you lost frame and move on to the next girl. There's no reason to sit and mope, once you learn that and same thing happens again it's no big deal the next time. That's all I got for ya.

Sorry for bad grammar and spelling, on mobile will fix when get home to PC.

INAPICTTAA · 2019-11-26T08:27:23+00:00

[deleted]

VigilantSmartbomb · 2019-11-26T03:08:30+00:00

dude... SHESS AAA HOOEEEEE

go get your dick wet bro damn

777views · 2019-11-26T03:49:53+00:00

ANOTHER REASON WHY MEN NEED TO STAY IN THE ANGER PHASE. It’s time to stop being fucking nice and respectful to women because this is what they do in return.

EvelynnSpoiler · 2019-11-26T02:19:07+00:00

on the 25th day I went to a football game with my family, stayed sober the whole time. She went out and got drunk with her boss and fucked him.

Why do you think the Bible and Quran talk about putting a metaphorical leash over women? Women act on how they feel and cannot be trusted

BurnieSlander · 2019-11-26T03:44:09+00:00

I think the main thing you are upset about is that you wasted your time on a low quality girl for so long. You are upset because you know you ignored a lot of red flags and could have been single and slaying for the past few years.

These regrets will dissipate when you start hanging out with high quality women and understanding that there are tons of girls out there who are way smarter than a bimbo who throws away 6 years to bang her boss.. who will discard her like the trash she is

rustyspurs87 · 2019-11-26T05:18:15+00:00

r / MGTOW

(No linking subreddits allowed on asktrp)

Check it out and see what you think. At the very least everyone there is very supportive and understanding of situations like yours because most of us have been through something similar.

PandaLitter · 2019-11-26T01:09:09+00:00

Damn Cucked by her boss

What kind of job was it

Title	Emasculated, Exasperated
Author	INAPICTTAA
Upvotes	98
Comments	145
Date	November 26, 2019 12:51 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/e1q02n/emasculated_exasperated/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/emasculated-exasperated.296654 https://theredarchive.com/post/296654