Wednesday - I am in blue pill land, in a 12 year marriage (2 kids age 5 and 7) where the last 6 years have been sex one or two times (total), constant fighting, generally miserable with any episodes of happiness centered around the kids.

Thursday - I discover this subreddit, buy the preqs, and get 41% of the way through NMMNG.

Today - I decide to start with whatever I can, and here is how it goes:

I text her mid-day saying I need her to pick up the kids from school (I usually do this) so that I can grocery shop and prepare dinner. She says OK. She calls me later, while I am in the middle of cooking and asks if I can help pick up the kids. I tell her "there is no way" and she does it. I figure this is a shit test of sorts? The kids are very difficult to get out of school at the end of the day. They love it there, they are hungry and tired, and they give each other a hard time.

Before dinner, my youngest poops and runs out of toilet paper. He still needs help wiping his ass, so my wife does it with tissues and plugs the toilet. I don't remember whether she told me or asked me to unplug it, but I brought her the plunger and asked her to try first. She says no, and I tell her I will not unplug it. She unplugs it, but then delays coming to dinner for 40 minutes.

We have recently been trying to make dinner a special event for our family. It seems to be working nicely for the kids as they are enjoying it and trying new foods.

Dinner goes alright, then we bathe the kids and tuck them in bed. As we are saying goodnight to the kids I let her know I have to run to the store. It is already after 8pm and the stores I need to get to close at 9. I'm going shopping for groceries (without a list, which she hates) and unbeknowst to her, a present for her birthday/mother's day that my daughter was hoping we could give her.

When I get back home, it is dark but the porch light is not on. I know this is on purpose since she always turns it on for me / likes to have it turned on for her. I ignore this as I assume it is a shit test. When I get to the kitchen she says "clean the kitchen". Most nights I do clean the kitchen, and she helps at the end when she is doing the kids lunches. I respond by telling her I do not want to be spoken to like that and ordered to clean the kitchen, and that I will not do it tonight. I then leave the room.

She tells me for mother's day she would like me to talk to a counselor or a lawyer. I tell her if she were to say "can you please clean the kitchen" that I would be happy to do it, even now. She refuses and says the counselor/lawyer thing again. Lots of other shit comes out, to which I feign indifference. Stuff like, "you're not a friend, you're not a father, you're not an acquaintence". All this stuff would have me through the roof on previous days. In fact, if this was 2 days ago I would be cleaning the kitchen right now. Instead she is doing it while I type this.

I feel like this escalated pretty fast, although she has said crap like this plenty of times before. Should I have just gone on being beta while I read up on the preqs/wiki/etc?

Update -

She's still cleaning. Her snow tires are still on, and I know she doesn't like how the beta me never addressed her car safety (rotate/swap tires, check inflation, have brakes checked, etc...) so while she was cleaning I turned on the outside lights and went to the shed (which she can see from the window by the sink). I put the 3-season tires in her car and will get them swapped tomorrow. The shit test I expect is this - it will be early in the morning and she won't want to go then - I of course need a way back home...it's a 2 mile walk home so if she won't go at 8am then I will just walk home.