If you check my post history you'll see that my wife cheated before we were engaged/married while in school. It happened 10 years ago, but I recently found it. This is my field report since I last posted.

 

After the initial anger began to fade, I tried to use these events to cultivate a better version of myself for the future. It hasn't been an easy process, but I am seeing what is capable if you are committed to change, and most importantly, have the strength to be outcome independent.

 

My wife knew I was temporarily in the relationship and evaluating my options (stay or leave), and this put a certain amount of dread on her. However, that alone wasn't enough to make her step her game up.   I have been lifting for several years, but wasn't dressing as I should have. I upgraded my wardrobe (and importantly, this includes shopping on a semi-regular basis to keep current), stopped wearing jeans to work, and now get comments from my wife several times a week that I look great. I went from average to above-average quickly just by spending a few hundred bucks and having the confidence to wear what I bought.

 

Some other things I started to do:

  • Stopped doing things for her with the underlying intent of receiving sex.
  • Stopped asking what she wanted to eat; instead I said we're going out and took her where I wanted.
  • Planned a mini-vacation on my own without her input; she didn't know where we were staying, eating, doing, etc.
  • I made a major decision singularly by financing a 130K piece of equipment for our business without her input (I never, in a million years, would have done this before).
  • I stopped asking her (as much) for her input, and just told her what I was doing.
  • If I wanted sex and she denied me, I would continue on with what I was doing before, and not linger around in hopes of changing her mind.
  • I stopped apologizing during arguments. She would persist, I would hold frame and dismiss the request to apologize. Eventually she would come back to me.

 

Prior to finding out about the past, our sex life was in trouble. So, as part of making progress, I expressed a need for high quality sex and intimacy, and some kinkier stuff, but I was careful not to talk about it in such a way that it was directed at her (I do not want to negotiate desire anymore). I said it was time for me to be selfish and get what I want, and when she pressed if I meant with her or someone else, I refused to answer. She fired back, in anger (assuming I meant someone else), saying she is "not that type of girl" and would not be willing to do what I wanted (like anal, etc.), so I should just go find someone else to fuck the way I wanted. We left it at that.

 

One thing that I didn't notice at first, but eventually picked up on, is that during sex she began to ask me if I liked owning her, her tits, her ass, etc. Implying I had full ownership of it, and it was all mine for the taking. Never in our 10+ years together had she done this. To take it a step further, she suggested getting my name or something similiar tattooed on her ass, to show she is my property. When she asked if I would tattoo her name on mine, I said no, I wanted to "leave my options open" in a joking manner.

 

Fast-forward to a few days ago. Some light flirting through the day. She had shown interest (feeling my pecs, arms, etc.), and after sharing some wine, we went to bed. I wasn't expecting anything, but she initiated and that's when things got crazy. I'm deep inside her and she's asking how much I like owning my wife. I began playing with her ass and suddenly she grabs my hand and forces my fingers into her ass. I was like what the f*** is happening.

 

Things get even more heated, I finish inside her, then she tells me to put it in her ass. Hottest... thing... ever. This is the same wife that has said no to anal since the beginning. We had some more fun and fell asleep. She did a total 180 on me. From "never, gross, ewww" to "give it to me now".

 

Where do we go from here? Who knows. But at least I know my wife is capable of giving me what I want, now the onus is on me to hold up my end to keep getting it.

 

Lessons learned? Improve SMV, implement some dread, take matters into your own hands, be the boss and you'll be treated like one.