I've been at this almost a month now. The small shit tests are much less frequent, but the bigger shit tests are starting to show up now. I've been heavily adopting the NMMNG. I'm in the gym almost every day, and if not gym, at least cardio. I'm feeling a shit ton of a lot better about myself and have done a lot to improve everything. MOST of the time the wife is much, much friendlier than before MRP (I created one nasty ass bitch by becoming my beta father and making her my mother) but she had the biggest shitfit test yet. Now, this is nothing new to the relationship, but it's a different perspective I'm in than previously, where I would Beta up and say I'm sorry, kiss her ass and try to make her feel like a snowflake again.

The drunk captain (literally and figuratively) was me before MRP. I've since quit drinking, started setting boundaries (both in marriage and in my business) have been working out heavily, reading, putting myself first and reshaping my mind around not doing "everything to please my wife"

Last night started when she said she wanted to go out to a Mexican restaurant which we used to go to a lot. I told her we don't need to go out to dinner and that I had plans to grill some steak for dinner (I enjoy cooking and am a better cook than she and thus do most of the cooking - not sure if this is beta shit to get rid of or not). Anyway, when I got home, she was in full bitch mode. Sent me a text as I was pulling up to the house "So much for what I wanted." I ignored it. She had a bad attitude all evening. I grilled the steak, watched the game, got our daughter ready for bed (with very little interaction with wife during this time) and my wife said she's going to bed as well. I went upstairs to the man cave and got on MRP to read and maintain frame. An hour later, came back down stairs took a shower, went to bed. Or so I thought.

A little background. last year I was spending time with another woman whom I dated before I met my wife. As it's been said before, if you have an emotional thing with another woman, they still call it cheating, even without the physical interaction. Well, she found out about it, we went down the litany of betadom. Counselors, sorries, I love you's, etc and I've beta'd my way through the last year this way.
Our relationship has a different element than a lot of others, as we own two businesses together so we rarely have time apart. This dynamic definitely increases the difficulty for me as we have to interact in the businesses. To her credit, she is a very strong, ambitious, strong willed and talented woman. Of course those were all things which attracted me to her in the first place. She's definitely the toughest woman I've ever dealt with. All of my previous women backed down much easier than her.

Here is where I need the help. I know I didn't do it right, but the fact that I maintained my composure and didn't get angry was a HUGE win for myself. She started with her usual line of questioning, which I did know was going to happen and prepared myself for the emotional difficulty I was going to have. "why did you go upstairs for two hours? What were you doing up there? Watching porn? Talking to that girl again?" Though prepared, I wasn't prepared for this much shit. I told her I didn't need porn or that girl because she was doing so well lately. Silence. "why won't you tell me what you were doing for two hours" (keep in mind the irrational-ness of a woman, I was upstairs for ONE hour) I said, "I wasn't doing anything important enough to discuss"
"why won't you tell me what you were doing, you're being shady?" "If I told you, you'd still question it, so it doesn't matter what I was doing" "I'm so sick of your shit, you're a cocky asshole. You're a selfish piece of shit" This is where I probably should have just walked away, but I was so much enjoying watching her lose her shit and being out of control, that I kept going with it. I'm usually the one who allows her to push my buttons to the point that I go nuclear - often in front of the kids. I was finally feeling some OI. And what a great shift of power that is becoming. "I'm selfish? Please explain" "You go to the gym every night, you don't help with the kids"
"Yes, I sure do. I like to take care of myself and I'm the one who makes dinner for the family." (snarky)"Well thank you for dinner." "I don't need a thank you, I'm just taking care of my family" "I'm so tired of you getting to do whatever you want to do all the time. When can I ever workout" "whenever you want to, you have the freedom to, you just choose not to." "Right, with all my free time." I've forgotten some of the other crap, but an important piece: "I don't want to live with someone who cheated. I should have left you a year ago" (during the year prior, we had sex MAYBE 3 times, but I was so fucking beta nice guy and at the time she was making more money than I was so I was playing the picking up slack game and doing EVERYTHING to keep my wife around - because vows - Of course I've learned this is the absolute opposite of what should be done) "Then why didn't you?" "I should have. Maybe I will now. I can't be with a guy who's a cheater and thinks it's ok to break his vows." "Never said it was ok, but I did say how you treated me was not ok either. Better or worse, rich or poor. Those didn't apply to you" "OH MY GOD STOP TALKING TO ME. LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. I WANT A DIVORCE, I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN" "Ok, but please let me know if you're serious this time." "YES I'M FUCKING SERIOUS, I DON'T WANT TO BE WITH YOU" "Perfect, have a great night"

I went upstairs and went to bed. The war within began quickly. The male hamstering was alive and running full tilt. "shit, did I just fuck that up? I know she's not serious. I need to be strong. I should go back down there. No, I am not going to fail this shit test.

This morning I kissed the kids goodbye and and my wife muttered some question about the guys coming to do some work on the patio. I said I had it handled and left.

So far this morning, I haven't responded to anything but I've had these three texts: "I'm done. Don't even bother coming home" (ok George Strait) "I'm so over all the shit that you pull." "you need to pick up the kids from school today. I have plans tonight." This is my favorite one since she blames me for the fact that she never makes time for herself to do anything. Of course, with all I've been reading, probably stems from fear of me being inept with the kids since she did have to take over a lot of shit she shouldn't have while I was drunk captaining.

Please help me with what I did wrong and why it was the wrong course and what to do moving forward today.