Ok guys, this is a follow up companion to this post: https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/5f8lkl/acknowledge_your_fear_of_rejection_and_crush_it/
Again, I want to preface this by saying that this post is written from the perspective of being about one year into my RP journey. My observations are geared towards men just swallowing the red pill or guys like me who have been at this a while but are just beginning to internalize and ‘awaken’.
When I made the above post, I realized that it was somewhat incomplete…I had discovered that acknowledging my fear of rejection, addressing the root causes, and moving forward in a RP manner had gotten me more sex; but it wasn’t always better sex. The starfish had become my new problem.
The starfish…duty sex…she’s basically allowing you to masturbate with her body, nothing more. No passion, no desire, no effort. It saps the fun right out of sex and kills any joy you may have had for the experience…if you let it. IF YOU LET IT. Yes, you actually have an ace up your sleeve to deal with this. A primal tool we call The Caveman. For those that are unfamiliar with the term, going caveman is just how it sounds…go hard, pull hair, dominate the encounter, get yours when and however you want it. For most of us just beginning the RP journey, tapping into the power of the caveman can be difficult for several reasons. Many men (myself included) have been taught to put her first in bed. Others may consider going caveman to be degrading. More still (also, myself included) do not truly understand the reasons why it works or how to best apply it. So, putting yourself first, and giving it to her in a more aggressive way will seem foreign and counterintuitive at first. In fact, the first several times you try it, you may not fully actualize The Caveman simply because it feels so unnatural that your actions and motions will not feel authentic. You will project uncertainty and she will pick up on that. The Caveman demands 100% commitment…going half caveman won’t work.
The epiphany- Here is the key thing I’ve learned about the power of the Caveman: You think it’s only about your needs and wants, but it turns out she really wants it too…maybe more than you (or her) could even image. The Caveman, done properly, shows dominance, OI, DNGAF, etc, etc…the key being dominance. At first I didn’t grasp the full depth of the concept. I assumed this was all about getting mine as a response to dull starfish sex. However, there is so much more at work here. The event that crystalized this for me was during a particularly dull session when I went full-on caveman (much more aggressive than before)…I was just trying to get mine and get on with my day, but something very interesting happened. She came alive and got there before I did (and I was trying to finish fast). I was blown away. Coincidence? I thought so at the time, but have since tried it again with similar results.
The key thing that I’ve finally been able to internalize is that their mind is hardwired to sense and respond to sexual dominance…this can be difficult to internalize and act on, especially for those of us BP conditioned all our life to put her needs in bed first.
As an aside to the above information, I want to add there is yet another facet to dominance in the bedroom- I learned, as a result of an injury and the valuable advice of guys on here, that mental dominance is just as important as physical….the physical is an easier place to start, but do not neglect your mental game in the bedroom. I’m still working on this part myself, and once I fully internalize this concept, I will follow up with another post.
*Edit: I forgot to mention cycle timing. You should be tracking her cycle. I've used the caveman at all points during her cycle, but you will always get the best results during her fertile period when she's subconsciously looking for more masculine alpha traits.
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