I tend to post when I see common themes here at MRP. The most recent theme that I see popping up is the inability to STFU appropriately.

What does 'STFU appropriately' mean? Lets start with what it doesn't mean. It doesn't mean not talking and trying to silent treatment your wife like a retarded 5 year old. It doesn't mean, stop talking completely and retreating back to the notion that it's "better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt". Neither of these two methods meet the aim of STFU.

The aim of STFU is to say exactly what you mean, no more, no less, embracing the uncomfortable silence, and demonstrating comfort in this discomfort.

My first real exposure to the power of STFU was when I read about and tried out the 'Apocalypse Opener'. Effectively, it goes like this ..

You rock up to a chick and, in a confident, level voice you say

“Hey, how’s it going.”

She will say

“Fine.”

You then say

“Cool. What are you doing later?”

She will say

“I’m not sure.”

You then say

“Do you want to come home with me?”

Then you hold.

Hold.

HOLD………………..

HOLD IT MY SON……………………..

HOLD THE FUCKING LINE………………

Boom. Makeout.

When you say "Do you want to come home with me?" - there is always a total and complete dead silence for anywhere between 5 to 30 seconds while she processes what just happened. That dead silence is a killer. It's awkward, it's tense, and every urge in your body is on edge waiting for a response.

The urge to look away, the urge to laugh "haha", or to fill in that void with some other bullshit is high. But that reaction is going to betray you - the moment you fill that void with appeasement, backing down from the clear, pointed, message is the moment you lose.

By breaking that awkwardness, by not STFUing, what you're showing is that you didn't have complete ownership over what you said and that you don't stand by it completely - you lack the congruence with which you just asked the question. If a little bit of awkward silence can get you to back down from your extremely confident stated position, what kind of spine do you really have? And I'm not just talking words here - I'm talking the entire body language projected during that awkward silence.

The responses can range from shock, laughter, ridicule, disbelief, flattery, outright rejection. Doesn't matter. It's not about her response - it's about the fact that you don't crumble.

This is where I see the common refrain at MRP. Where STFU is used as a way to stop talking and avoiding conflict, instead of stating exactly the message you wanted to state, owning it to it's fullest, and embracing the turbulent conflict that's bound to happen - where your body language says "Here is exactly what I want. I make no apologies for what I want. Ball's now in your court." and then you wait for the response to meet your satisfaction or figure out your next steps.

When I say STFU, what I really mean is "don't crumble". Don't back down, don't break away, don't back peddle, don't look for appeasement. When you decide to say something - mean it to your fullest. And if you don't mean something, don't fill voids with unnecessary fluff because you feel slightly uncomfortable with silence.

If you've never tried anything like that opener before - give it a go. Give it a go with your wife if you really want to. For most of you guys, you'll probably surprise her.