Since the response to my last post was primarily pretty positive, and over the past couple months several of you have PM'd me with questions on my particular approach to pick-up, I thought I'd outline some things here. The people here have helped me so tremendously take ownership over my life and change my stripes from victim to leader, if this is one small way I can give back I'm grateful to.

I thought about some type of moral disclaimer since there was some backlash to my last post in the comments and my inbox, but I decided against it. What I will say is that I am going to stop at the attraction/comfort phase, because that's where I personally stop. I have kissed a few girls, but that's it. I can't speak much to the seduction phase or how to f-close. I just enjoy the company of other women and conversation with them, and the challenge of attracting them. I'm sure most of you will understand.

I do have a career where I talk to people, and am in difficult social situations, so there are some aspects to my personality I've developed conducive to conversation. I don't know how much of a role that plays, but I'm sure its some. But I spent years in bars hoping to have conversations with girls, and the few I had were terrible. So if I did have some natural talent, I sure didn't know how to use it. I just wanted to be upfront about this, because what follows are what I'd call my "swing thoughts", whereas I'm sure there is plenty going on I'm not able to articulate at this very moment. Maybe these things will be flushed out in the comments.

Required Reading: The Game by Style (though I use very little of the mystery method in actual practice, knowledge of its concepts have informed me I'm pretty sure, and I'll reference some of those concepts here). Recommended Reading: All the Chateau Hartiste stuff on approaching, game, qualification, openers, negs, shit tests, inner game, confidence, etc. For instance, this . Recommended watching: Any scene with Ryan Gosling in Crazy, Stupid, Love (particularly the pick-up sections, to see irrational confidence in action)

I'm going to break it up into three sections I'll call Logistics, Outer Game, Inner Game.

Logistics First of all, you'll need to find the time to go out. This is going to be a guide to going out alone, at night, because that's almost exclusively what I do. I haven't had much luck with day game. I do not have any wingmen, per se. I have approached when I've been with friends, but its tricky. I travel for work, so I can go out then. But, I do in my home city some to. Sometimes I'll meet friends initially, and then break off. Other times I'll just "go out for a beer".

First of all, you'll need to find the right venue. For me, its a craft beer-type bar, with a young professional crowd. I don't really do the weekend club thing. I like weeknights a little better, and some bars have particular nights they are happenin' because of a special or something. I want it to be lively, with music playing, and a general social atmosphere, but casual also. The type of place where a good bit of people are standing around at the bar on a good night. A place girls shouldn't be surpised if a guy approaches them, but not the type of places all the thirsty PUA type guys hang out. You may need to casually visit a few venues and nights to get feels for places. I don't want waiter service, I like a place where you have to order at the bar (reasons forthcoming). It should be a place that fits your vibe, that you are comfortable in otherwise. Basically my goal throughout the night is to blend in. I don't peacock at all, my dress is very casual but kind of professional (I'll half-tuck in my polo, mostly) I'm always on the move. Ordering a drink, walking to the patio to take a breath and check my phone, going to the bathroom, getting a water at the bar. Sometimes I'll sit down at the bar for a bit, but eventually I'll get up. Generally, I don't want anyone to even notice I'm there, until all of the sudden your a cute girl, and Im talking to you. I have my favorite venues, and I've befriended the bartenders. I say whats up to them, but I try to make it in passing. So, I operate almost completely without initial social proof.

I almost exclusively approach girls at the bar itself, while they are ordering a drink or sitting and taking. Its a little difficult, but I do not mind interrupting them while they are talking. My approach could be called 100% indirect. I am always on the lookout for 1-3 girls at the bar ordering a drink or sitting. I don't approach sets that are sitting at tables or similar really at all. Its happened a few times (talk to a dog on the patio, or something like that) Essentially, I just happen to be at the bar getting a drink or a water, and I will casually, over my shoulder, make a comment to the girl. I don't use false time constraints, but this approach style is like an assumed time constraint because I appear to just be ordering a drink and I'll be on my way in a moment, so I believe it has the same initial disarming effect. So, if I am not talking to a girl already I am always assessing and waiting for some to be available at the bar. I occasionally will chat with the guys next to me at the bar, or something to that effect, but I try not to get tied down in a conversation where I miss that window to approach the right girl at the bar. You'd think people would catch on, but no one is paying attention to me, remember. The bar is pretty crowded and everyone is talking to someone. So I can approach a girl at the bar ordering a beer, have it not work out, and be right back to approaching another girl 5 minutes later, while ordering a water.

Outer Game As you've probably heard, the opener does not matter one fuck. This is correct. My opener is generally an innocuous comment or question about their drink. As I've gotten more bold and fearless I open with some other things, but this is still my go-to. I once opened a pair of girls that had a craft beer can and a bag of chips sitting at a mostly empty bar with "A name of craft beer can and a bag of name of chips on a Thursday night. Sounds like a good night". One of them kissed me 4 hours later, after 2 different bars. I also once said "that looks like a fancy drink" to a girl, which fell dead as shit in the moment, but you fast-forward 2 hours and she was slow dancing with me and telling me she doesn't normally feel this way about a guy this quickly. Here's the thing with the opener --- the girl will let you know in the first 30 seconds whether she is open to talking to you. She immediately judges your appearance and confidence. Though they hear what you say, it does not matter if you say it with conviction. I've had perfect situations with a good comment and a clear path, and the girl let me know quickly, with body language mainly but also general disposition, that she is not interested in continuing with me. They will make it obvious. I usually press through for another question or so, because I have turned one or two around, but generally I just move on. Grab my drink and leave, or turn and face the bar again and not engage. If she is open to talking to you she will respond with varying degrees of interest, the easiest to determine is when she is looking at you after her response awaiting your next comment. You'll just learn how to judge this moment, its come to me over time of experiencing the wide range of responses. As Chateau says, you've distanced yourself from 95% of men out there just by opening your mouth. Just getting into this initial interaction is what I think is most challenging for guys. Its like the last level in a video game in that its the hardest, and after that there are levels but they get easier. My swing thought on the approach, and really throughout the whole interaction has become -- keep a straight face. Try not to smile automatically (save them for the right moments). Act as cool as a motherfucker. Frown a few times, act like you've been there. More on the initial approach later.

By the end of the first 2 minutes you'll either be in conversation, or you won't. This is where basic conversation skills come in for a moment. I usually try to get her talking. Ask questions, or make comments I know she'll be disposed to respond to. I try to say very little here, they want to hear themselves talk early on. Let them keep going as long as they need, but they will reach this moment, and you'll see it in their eyes, where they think "wait, who is this guy that I'm talking to, he seems interesting". It can happen in 30 seconds, or 3 minutes. Remember, my approach is completely indirect, so disarmament is my main tool. I want to be just a passerby initially. I want a casual conversation. Once she starts asking you questions, that's when you know the the attraction begins. Now, she may shit test you prior to asking basic questions, but I don't get too many shit tests early because of how indirect and disarming I am. They do not feel like they are being hit on, so they don't need to test. But I have had some test very early. You'll need to learn how to deal with tests elsewhere, I won't go into detail on that much here, but generally the response is just to be unphased by it. Know what it is and smirk at it.

When they start testing you then you know it is on for sure. I never knew what a shit test was, because I had never experienced them, because I had never been attractive. Now, I get them all the time and its fantastic. Girls only test the guys they are interested in. If I can figure out what a test is, so can you. You won't know it on the first or maybe even 5th time, but as you think back on the interaction after it finishes it, you'll figure it out. And because I normally get tested after the conversation is going, I think the girls want me to pass them, so they give them away a little. She'll also be giving you some IOI's at this point - staring, touching, hair twirling, smiling. You'll just learn to pick up these cues the more you get them, but some girls still don't give them even when they are interested (see HB7 from yesterdays post). If they aren't pushing me away early on, I'm pressing on for a while to see if the IOI's come out. They always will. This is the hardest part of any night really, just having the guts and quick thoughts to press through this moment with a relevant question or something. If she doesn't give IOI's after minute or two, and you are still trying to engage her, she will turn away essentially or let you know in some way to move on. Once you have the IOI's, then you can start light kino. Study up on the escalation ladder and just start small. Light brushes, to momentary hand on shoulder, etc. It took me a while to get going at this, you just have to step out there.

Regarding teasing, negging, disqualifying --- this is where the real work in attraction is done. After you've shown yourself as confident and able to have an interesting conversation with her, she is initially interested, teasing is like "light up the eyes boys!" from 3 ninjas. I never teased or disqualified girls. It has been a learned endeavor for sure, but now it comes natural. I had to force myself to do it, like Style negging the playboy girl at the bookstore. Now, I love it. I have a couple negs in my pocket that I am comfortable with that I wait for the opportunity to drop. But the teasing can come with anything, and it does not have to be particularly witty. "whats that beer you've got? --- Its a blue moon --- oh, you must be a real connoisseur" Sometimes just frowning about something to her, giving her that playful disaproving look can be teasing. I do a lot of "is that so?" with a slightly disapproving look, to some innocuous comment on her part. Basically, playfully making fun of her for something. Disqualifying is simply setting up some statement that puts you on top of her socially, and assumes she needs to meet your standards. Man, this stuff is hard to explain, hats off to the blogs that do it. A disqualifying statement I use a lot is "....oh, that seals it, we'll never work out". I had a girl recently tell me she likes country music but doesn't like George Strait. I really don't give much of a shit about country, but I'm OK with George Strait, so perfect time to drop "You don't like George Straight?! sigh well, it'll never work out between us" wry smile. Remember, all the guys approaching her (if there are any with balls) are just happy to be talking to her. You are acting like she ought to be happy to talk to you. Hamster, hamster, hamster ... attraction. If you can get comfortable with the initial open, this is the part you need to work on the most. This is where all the gainz are made.

Also, under the heading of teasing, is I avoid giving straight answers to anything I can. "Evade, Tease, Obfuscate". --- "So what do you do for work" Me: "I'm an astronaut". You have to learn to do these things with a playful sense that conveys she is not yet worthy of learning the real answer. The less she knows about you, the more she wants to know. The less she can get you to respond, the more intrigued she is. Poon Commandment VI -- memorize it and keep it in your head. Try to say as little about yourself as you can, and nothing negative.

I also mention here that lately I've been running the cube routine to MUCH success. After I've gotten them sufficiently attracted and teased them some and they are fully invested in me - "wanna play a game I learned about personalities from some continuing education I did recently for my job?". I'll break out the cube and it really works. I have one particular version I use. I treat this as a qualifying exercise -- I'm trying to learn about her personality to see if she is worth my continued time. I always give positive comments on their responses and they eat it up at that point.

Inner Game A few thoughts here on approach anxiety and some other things.

I thought of approach initially as a challenge. When I go out, my goal was (and is still) just to make approaches. If I put in the effort, the night was a success. If I get shot down, I keep going. The two nights in the past two months that didn't end with a deep, attracting interaction with a girl -- I probably approached 8 different girls that night. I call it a success. I kept approaching until my time was up, I walked away with no regrets. The most recent night like this I still got 3 phone numbers, but I didn't really care for any of the interactions particularly. After you go out a few nights, and linger for those few seconds trying to get the nuts to approach, and then don't, and then go home and say to yourself "I wish I had approached that girl, at least to see what would have happened" -- that's failure. Approaching and crashing in a flaming ball of fire (this has happened to me even less than a month ago) is not the failure. Wrong place, wrong time, wrong girl - that's all.

I developed the confidence to approach girls like this simply by doing it. Then the fear started to subside and my initial opener was done with more conviction and confidence and I started to get a little response, and started conversations. Then that part became easier. But I would pull and pull and never teased, negged, acted vaguely disinterested and the conversations would fizzle. Then I learned the next step. Then I learned kino and kiss-closing. Each positive interaction gave me more confidence and informed me a bit, and I did not let the negative interactions phase me. Just an opportunity to assess, learn, and do it with more confidence next time.

The more I read about each aspect of game through the red pill lens, the more I became convinced of its truth. That was the first step. Once I was convinced of its truth, I was convinced to try and implement it. The most recent one was disqualification.

I'll say I look forward to the first approach, because its like getting it out of the way. Only once that I can think of has my very first approach of the night turned into the girl I spend the whole night with. The first approach usually fizzles in some fashion, but hey, now I'm in the game. Its like stretching, or warming up. It becomes easier with every approach of the night, no matter the response from the girl.

One more note here, because someone asked me about it. When I'm on my way to the bar, either in my uber or my car, I like to put on headphones and listen to a couple songs that "get me in the mood" and I close my eyes and visualize a positive, fun night, where I approach girls with confidence. The songs have changed, but for instance one that lasted a while was "Younger (Kygo remix)" by Seniabo Sey. That song made me think about closing window of these types of interactions with early-to-mid 20's (I'm 33), and the vibe just put me in a good mood. I always "hype" myself with a few songs to put me in the zone to go put in the work of meeting new people. I don't really need this anymore, but its part of the process I really enjoy.

I hope that wall of text helps some of you. I was hesitant to do this for many reasons, so I hope it works out positively. Let me know if you have questions.