Can you keep a fucking secret? That's not a rhetorical question.

When you tell no one about your plans, you eliminate your chance for external validation. That is a great first step for the newly unplugged man. We quickly learn that our domain is action, not words, and begin making large scale changes without a lot of talking. Actions without words create secrets by default. This is good, because we're likely to make a lot of mistakes, and our frame might not withstand much criticism even when we are succeeding.

But what's next? Self-validation is healthy, and STFU is good advice to follow - but even those rules will be displaced as you become your own mental point of origin. A high value man with an indomitable frame may not care about secrets, and that freedom is our end goal. While that frame is being built, there are good reasons for the developing man to keep his mouth shut.

Learn to keep small secrets now, because they will be greater in your future. Realizations about your own frame, your plans to fire your boss, your next BJJ belt, your mission. Maybe you have goals that are so grand, you don’t dare speak them out loud yet.

Learn to keep secrets because you are The Natural - the kind of man who just gets it. "How is he owning his shit at home, killing it at work and still waking up at 5? Why does it seem like things are just working for him?" Like a jacked Gandalf, you pull good things out of nowhere. It will seem like magic to others - because they will see your results, but none of your effort.

Secret #1: Fight Club

48 Laws of Power, Law 30: Make your Accomplishments Seem Effortless

“Your actions must seem natural and executed with ease. ..When you act, act effortlessly, as if you could do much more.”

One of the first things you learn in the sidebar is to STFU about Fight Club. Maybe you mistakenly followed the advice in NMMNG and told your spouse about the book. Maybe your wife found your Reddit account. It’s still not too late for your personal progress to be kept secret.

Remember that most people aren’t capable of making large changes and maintaining them, especially in silence. If you’ve been Owning Your Shit for 90 days, you’ve kept a habit longer than most people - your wife included. But once you’ve been working your MAP for a year without stopping? Or you celebrate 18 months of passing shit tests, or two years of going to the gym regularly? 99% of the people in your life won’t be able to fathom that kind of commitment.

You should be a man who has his shit together, as though it comes naturally to him. As though it always has. The guys in OYS know that your progress has only been made through blood, sweat, tears and a little cum, but why does anyone else need to know that? Your wife doesn’t care how you’re finally learning to be a man - it may as well be magic. Why would you tell her otherwise? When you tell other men about your personal lessons, you may be casting your pearls before swine. That’s not an insult against Blue Pill men; it’s advice that you shouldn’t dispense your powerful secrets to those who won't understand their value.

Law Of Power 30, Continued:

“Your actions…(and) all the toil and practice that go into them, and also all the clever tricks, must be concealed.... Avoid the temptation of revealing how hard you work - it only raises questions.”

Use headphones when you’re practicing the guitar in your basement. Don’t tell randoms about your crazy effort at the gym. Tell none of your friends about your new side hustle idea, until the business has been registered for 6 months and you’ve landed your first client.

One day people will notice that, when they weren't watching, you got your shit together (you're probably more attractive too, which doesn't hurt). Don't ruin it by blabbing about all your hard work to get here - keep the wizard behind the curtain. Act like you didn't read this in a book, because it’s true - you're a natural. This is just how you are, right? Damn your wife is a lucky woman.

Secret #2: Your Defense, Explanation, Excuse and Rationalization (DEER)

Law 9: Win Through Your Actions, Never Through Argument

I have had the perfect excuse, a really valid justification for my actions. It would have disarmed the other person, and lessened the sting of their criticism. But I didn’t offer it up - not now, and not 6 months from now. There are good explanations that I’ll carry to my grave. Why? Because defending myself is weak, even when it’s true.

Whatever bullshit you would have normally spewed to lessen the conflict, or reduce the sting of disappointment in their eyes - you never say it. Don’t assume that because the other person has stopped talking, you must speak more. The awkward silence you create will speak more about your frame than your last 10 OYS posts. Every time you don’t DEER (to your spouse, your coworker, u/SBIII, your son/daughter, your parent, your plate) your frame grows a little stronger.

Secret #3: Your Plans

Law 3: Conceal Your Intentions

As a man, you should be capable of making drastic changes to yourself without telling anyone about it before, during, or after.

You know that guy at your office: he’s constantly announcing his intentions to join his next gym, ask out that pretty girl he’s friend zoned, or get his motorcycle license. Did you notice that he never commits to anything longer than 30 days? His gym membership is unused, he never got the motorcycle, he won’t talk to the girl, and all for the same reason:

He already received his pleasure from the goal by talking about it.

Talking about your goals before you start them might make you less likely to achieve them. This was certainly the case for me. It feels good to announce goals, and receive validation for them (from your wife, your friends, or MRP). But that is taking pleasure now, at the expense of delayed gratification later. We need that delayed gratification, because it is the foundation for virtuous habits - the good things we do every day to make our future better than our present.

Law 6: Create An Air Of Mystery

You should absolutely be going to the gym but no one should hear about it from you. Instead, let them notice your arms that magically appear next summer. The magician knows that the only “magic” is lifting hard and eating right, but explanations aren’t sexy. You should absolutely be riding a motorcycle - but let people find out when you arrive on your Harley. Don’t show anyone that you learned 3 chords on your Fender; let them see you on stage (“I didn’t know he played guitar!”) as the wet spot forms in their panties.

Are you seeing the pattern? You make a commitment, tell no one, and start grinding. For new guys: This is the way to earn your own approval, which is a necessary replacement for the validation you formerly sought from others. Do it once and feel badass. Do it twice, and you’ll find that your own approval is worth more than the approval of your wife.

Once you know that you can take a mission from inception to completion entirely in secret, then telling others about your plans becomes a powerful invitation. You’re no longer sharing a goal with the hope that it will succeed - now you’re bringing someone else on the journey with you. You’re a proven entity now, because you’ve done it before, alone.

Don’t be transparent by announcing your plans to everyone, especially to those who don’t matter. Leave them wondering: “I wonder what else he’s up to?” while accomplishing your goals in secret.

Secret 4: Your Journal

Dear diary,

Diaries are fucking gay.

You keep a record of your lifts at the gym to show progress, to keep yourself accountable, and because you’ll forget. You take pictures to compare the progress you’ve made on your physique. Why wouldn’t you do the same with the progress in your frame? If you are not keeping some kind of journal, you are missing out.

Your journal does not care about your day or your crush. This journal is for YOU to selfishly grow in two ways: Writing That Shit Now and Reading That Shit Later. As an added benefit, the practice of keeping a journal should make your OYS posts shorter, better and easier to read (or maybe that’s just wishful thinking on my part).

Write about your failures. Write about how your frame is making your life different. Notice what you’re grateful for, and write it down. Be honest about what you did that makes you cringe with embarrassment, be honest about what keeps you awake at night. Write it down. You might surprise yourself with new connections that you hadn’t put together before, and you’ll remember a lot more of what you write. You’ll find you write about important things, especially if you make this a habit.

Reading my journal from the past is like passing cheat codes into my own future. I realize things like:

"I used to struggle with that? That’s weak. What am I struggling with now, that might seem easy in the future?"

"Many of my desires have not changed in years - maybe I should seek out those things as being meaningful to me. Maybe those desires aren’t as shallow as I thought.”

"Where I am today is far from perfect, but damn I have so much gratitude for how far I've come."

"I completely forgot this part! I had to work really hard to make that a habit, now it's automatic. That's why systems are so important - I can do that again."

"There is no way I could have handled my current situation with that old frame."

"LOL I had oneitis for that girl like a faggot. Now I barely remember her name."

It may be helpful to read your own journal like it was the biography of someone else. See the past years and realize: you've had little gains, incremental wins, and the audacity to wake up every day. You’ve journaled through hard times. Maybe some of those times were so hard that you never quite recovered the same way. Maybe now you're a different kind of beast with scars because of it. Listen to your story objectively and realize you're still here - with more successes than failures, if you're being honest. Read your own words from two years ago and think: If I saw someone else make it through all that shit, wouldn't I believe that they are going to succeed in the future? What advice would I give that person, if they wanted my advice and I cared about them? Now, give that advice to yourself. That is a secret worth keeping in a journal.

Secret 5: Your Successes and Your Failures

Law 4: Always Say Less Than Necessary

“Powerful people impress and intimidate by saying less.”

In my former life, I would tell Mrs Barracuda about my bad days at work. I would have defended it as "healthy communication" so that we could “solve problems together”. It was actually "me seeking sympathy and agreement" about my "whining, stressed frame." I would tell her about my good days, too - seeking a little acknowledgement from mommy for doing a good job. I was ruining any chance I had of being perceived as a guy who "just gets it". Saying these things made me appear weak, so I stopped. When my wife asks about my day, regardless of what happened at the office: “It was good!” And I mean it.

If - by Rudyard Kipling (excerpt, emphasis mine)

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breathe a word about your loss;

...If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,   

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,   

And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

We all fail. When we’re growing, we might fail even more.

Do you wallow in your failures, inviting others to celebrate your pity and blame outside forces? Or do you weaponize failure as your own secret source of power? I remember why I failed last time. When the opportunity presents itself again, I’ll make a different choice, because I want a different outcome. This motivation is stronger than shame, it’s my own endless desire to be better. Next time, I won’t fail to ask for the sale, to dance with the girl, or to stand up to my boss.

Secret 6: The Good, Upstanding, Virtuous Shit You Do All The Time

It needed to be fixed, so you fixed it. Your wife forgot to restock that important thing, so you did it without a word. That guy who needed lunch, the flat tire on your daughter’s car, and that bill that would have become a collection.

You took care of it all, and no one noticed, and you’re fine with that. This is exactly the type of accountability that will make your wife think you have magic powers - but you’re not doing any of this for her. You’re a high value man who takes care of the necessary things in his universe, and that puts you in a better position to do more for yourself and others. You’re living by your own standards these days, right?

Law 38: Think As You Will But Behave Like Others

“If you make a show of going against the times, flaunting your unconventional ideas and unorthodox ways, people will think that you only want attention and that you look down upon them. They will find a way to punish you for making them feel inferior. It is far safer to blend in and nurture the common touch. Share your originality only with tolerant friends*.”

* or intolerant misogynist strangers

You’re becoming a man of quiet power, and you’re giving from a place of abundance. In fact, you may be giving far greater gifts than lunches and errands - but you don’t need to tell that to anyone. The silent gratitude you have for your own life is more valuable than the desire to share your secrets with others.

Conclusion

Become a high value man whose massive frame doesn't care about secrets. On your way there, leverage those secrets to your advantage. Don't reveal the source of your magic powers, and don't brag about your efforts. When you share with your inner circle, do it wisely. Stop saying things that make you appear weak, and consolidate power by controlling your own mouth first.