First, it’s worth mentioning that this is what I used to do:

I used to talk. A lot. I would talk to my woman about things that she did that bothered me, upset me, or made me sad. I would get butthurt and sometimes not talk to her for the same reasons. I communicated to my woman like a woman. I let my emotions control me. Like a woman.

I would tell her that I was unhappy about the amount of sex that we had. I would talk to her about how I felt close to her when we had physical intimacy. I would talk to her about the vision of our future – but never actually do anything. I would talk about our kids and their behaviors – but never actually do anything. I was all talk. I talked too fucking much. Go read some of my early OYS posts. I talked too fucking much back then too.

Then I learned to STFU. If you’re not Shutting. The. Fuck. Up. in the beginning, you are doing it wrong. Recently a new MRPer came in and I gave him this advice after he though he passed a shit test:

I want you to try something.

For the next week, be nice. But don't say a god damned fucking word about anything other than logistics. Shit test? STFU. Comfort test? STFU. Just be a goddamned fucking autistic fuck about it. Ok? Just SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP.

Because just when you might pass a shit test by shutting the fuck up you open your little faggot mouth and fail it with this shit. Fucking hell man. Shut the fuck up.

It's only a week. And she is going to shit test you harder. Just shut the fuck up when it happens. Be a fucking robot for a week. Fuck!

And if you can't do it for me or you, do it for her because clearly everything you do is already for her. It should be easy!

After a week you'll know what STFU really looks like. No champagne, no retarded responses, no bringing up the lack of sex. You need to train that little cock sucking mouth of yours to stay shut. Do it.

I gave him this advice because I know that even when I was trying to STFU, I wasn’t really doing so. I’d get almost to the STFU finish line that would create dread or stoic frame and then my cock-sucking mouth would open again about something faggoty and… oh boy… here it comes. Faggot speak. I’m sad. I’m worried. I’m lonely. Can you hold my little fee-fees? We need to be doing this or that. Let’s get a plan together to do it. What. The. Actual. Fuck. That’s not leading. That’s talking.

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Learning to STFU is an absolute art you must learn.

If you listen hard enough there is usually a message in there. Sometimes the hidden womanese message is “you’re a faggot”… and sometimes it is “I just want to blabber on about random shit that’s going on in my life and take up your time to talk about it because it makes me feelz valuable to have a man I look up to and respect listen to me.”

I write consistently here at MRP about how learning when to open your mouth is the next step. Plenty of posts here about how to do this. Go read them. How do you learn to STFU? By shutting the fuck up.

What I want to talk about is how I STFU now, way past all those faggoty things that wouldn’t dare come out of my mouth because if they did I would punch myself in the dick as they became audible. This is artful STFU.

STFU goes way beyond shit tests for me now. At this point in my own journey, it is all pretty much second nature. In fairness I probably get shit tested a lot more often than I realize. Passing shit tests just becomes who you are as a man. At first you really care about them, but after developing Outcome Independence and Abundance Mentality, it changes your entire outlook on giving a shit about them – because you just don’t fucking care anymore. At some point you will start to see them for they are… they are just woman things. And that is the GOAL of shit tests. To never actually and congruently give a fuck.

In fact, you start to not notice them at all. How can you even notice something you don’t give a shit about? And this will lead to comfort tests – which rear their heads very wildly like a rogue wave on the feminine ocean – and I am VERY aware of still to this day. You can’t miss them. Those? You can enjoy passing those. There is something about a woman needing to feel validated that reminds me how fragile and feminine they can be. A little kiss on the forehead and “you’re cute, babe” is like having magical powers where she is reminded that she was chosen by the prize, again. You.

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Styles of Communication I know of:

In my time here I’ve seen two primary ways from most men with how they communicate to their women. I’ve touched on it before, but I write often about a third way – which in PM I think both u/InChargeMan and I attempt, using the D/s dynamic as a vehicle of that communication preference.

Communication Preference #1 – Overt Communication (Direct Physical)

A user here who can speak more to this style is u/red-sfpplus . He wrote a post about how he hates covert tests – particularly comfort tests. He rarely communicates covertly, with a preference to directly communicate overtly. He would say something like “I like it when you wear a buttplug at the grocery store. It turns me on and makes me happy.” Although overt and direct in style, this type of communication is covertly reminding her that he has the established sway of power in the relationship, although not his responsibility to maintain, and makes a suggestion through communication on a way for her to add value.

Communication Preference #2 – Open & Honest Communication (Expressive Emotional)

u/Blarg_Risen wrote a whole post on how he uses this type of communication in his relationship. He would communicate to his woman “I need physical affection” and understanding that there is zero convert contract with that statement and it does not contain “I expect… and if you don’t…” He understands that it’s clearly defined that he is a high value man and chooses to live in the vulnerability of expressing himself with communication freely and allowing his woman to make a choice. I believe he uses this method to make a suggestion to her that she chooses him every time when it could affect the relationship which is her responsibility and choose a way to add value.

Communication Preference #3 – Hybrid Cerebral (Direct Physical and Expressive Emotional)

This is what I really want to dig into with examples.

My preference is somewhere between the polarity of Blarg and Red. I want both. I want to be able to deeply communicate my feelings and thoughts without words but with actions and no covert contracts - thus, I've created a dynamic that allows me to do both. I've chosen the medium of that to be D/s, where I can simply look at my woman in such a way, say nothing, and she feelz through that and into me knowing my truth. That's communication on a spiritual level for me as we read into and through each other with as little words as possible.

So in other words, I have a preference for a communication style that roots in the cardinal rule of SHUT THE FUCK UP.

u/weakandsensitive wrote a post titled “Talking – why you shouldn’t do it and why you sometimes should” which encapsulates the very communication style that I have employed with my woman. All the more reason to STFU. I use body language and intonation through intuition and trusting my core masculine “gut reaction”, then making a choice whatever it is I want to do afterwards.

With that in mind, here are a few examples of how I’ve used this preference of communication before:

  • If she's been a little bitchy I may let it slide a little and STFU to see if this was a need for her to get some feelz out, but if she is a little bitchy again, I will probably shoot her a terrible scowl that she probably doesn't deserve in a non-D/s dynamic and would be considered over the top. I push myself and thoughts into her as if to say "Look, you know I've got all the cards here. Do you really want to do this, sweet little wife?" This immediately lets her know she has not pleased me. No words spoken.
  • If we are in public and she does something that isn't in the frame she wants to live in (mine) - even in a crowded room full of friends - a simple smile at her and rubbing my fingers across her day collar sends her gentle communication that I desire her to return into her submissive frame. She will smile back, realize the mistake, and we move on. No words spoken.
  • Once in a store she yelled at me because she was anxious about something completely unrelated. She wishes to overcome her anxiety issues. She immediately knew she fucked up. We got back the car and she handed me her panties for the rest of the day as a sign of personal submission. No words spoken.
  • If I ever "punish" her (again, remember the D/s dynamic), it only means removing my time/attention/approval in various ways. Some Doms choose to punish physically... that's not really my thing... instead I choose to take away her ability to please me which is enough. This is all done overtly covert. I tell her she has been bad, then actions speak afterwards. I have better shit to do than spend time with a wife that gets out of line. She can if she wants to - but I don't have to deal with it. If the D/s dynamic has become a little broken (which it does at times - it ebbs and flows), I will employ a more severe removal of my time and attention or manufacture drama on purpose to create a shit test, which I will pass, lovingly, and reestablish the dynamic.

Conversely, here's some about when things go well:

  • She tried to make a new meal, and was anxious about it. I let her remain anxious throughout and knew she sought my approval. Instead, I gave my approval with a good, hard fucking instead of a "thank you this was good" which is what she really needed. This creates the roller coaster of feelz. No words spoken.
  • For V-day this year she wrote me a card, made a great dinner, asked to blow me 4x during the day, and planned an in-home date-night complete with a full massage for me. I wanted her to know how joyful this made me, so I made time for her the next day for 6 hours just to hold her and provide comfort. No words spoken.
  • She fixed her hair different than normal. From across the room I looked at it - it looked great! It brought joy to me. I kept looking at her, feeling through her, and looking at her hair. She says, "oh do you like my hair? Does it make you happy?" I just smile. No words spoken.

Overall, this is all very psychological and spiritual. She reads into me. I read into her. But overall? It's all game. It's game, fellas. I'm constantly gaming my woman.

Now, I could just come out and say all this to her, sure. The meal is great! You were so thoughtful on V-day. Your hair looked amazing. But it would NOT have the same effect of allowing her hamster to do all the heavy lifting, which helps me accomplish my goal of bringing her to a more submissive state to where the communication becomes more and more subliminal over time with rewarding the hamster with cheese on a successful exit (that’s usually cock, btw). That way, we both can freely live in word-less communication feeling through each other and our respective needs. That is what I'm trying to accomplish.

Her highest need is to be desired and ravished by a high value man. My highest need is to have a valuable ally on my journey. I believe that this style of communication fulfills my desire to understand all 4 quadrants of the Johari Window about myself by destroying my ego, and understanding all of hers through her vulnerability. She desires to use me as her captain for the destruction of that ego and exposing to her the parts of herself that prevent her from being that valuable ally on my journey. u/InChargeMan and I have traded notes on this method of actualization before and I think he is right that this type of communication provides a basis of achieving that nearly impossible objective. It gets infinitely harder the closer you get.

So yeah, it kind of reads like a bunch of cerebral telepathy going on, I know. But I am here to report that this type of communication is very possible because I live it everyday. I am a magician. Not an actual magician with ESP reading thoughts, but one attempting to harnessing all aspects of spiritual, psychological, and biological pieces at once.

Only part of communication is the message delivered and then the interpretation of that message by the recipient. I don't make the hamster maze too complicated and I make for an easy exit. I use overt communication when I have a preference or need that I am unable to convey in this way. “I would like for you to cook tonight instead of us going out like planned, babe.” She will find a couple of options and ask for a preference. If I don’t have a preference after giving Direct communication, I just look at her. I tell her with my thoughts and STFU that IDGAF. Pull her into me. Smile. “Ok, I’ll make this one. I think you would like that better tonight, Horns.” Do I really care which one she picked? Not really. If I did I would have said so. It’s not like I can pick Chicken Parmesan over Beef Wellington with my mind and communicate that. But if I let her believe that she made the right choice by ravishing her later that night it encourages and trains her to take initiative to please me through positive feedback loops (again – Cerebral but a different way). This is the outcome that I desire, as Blarg does by asking his woman to choose him.

Teach your woman how to use a bucket so that she will put the fires out herself just to add value to your journey.

I never settle on outcomes. I sometimes have preferences, sometimes not. I’m never afraid to communicate directly what I want if necessary, but mostly? I just STFU.

How do I respond to Shit Tests now?

Usually, I STFU. I know that shit tests happen because my wife wants to get back to her submissive frame by bumping up against my masculine frame. As these happen I don’t respond back with a witty AA, AM, STFU, or Fogging… I look into her, not saying anything (hey, STFU!), projecting the Dominant frame of the two of us through her and she understands that she has bumped against my frame and she feels this. It is all very cerebral with no words… and there is zero anger in this process. This is more of a statement “Are you sure you want to do that my sweet little wife? Because if you want to play that game, I have all the cards. And I know I can take you upstairs to prove it.”

Sometimes if she is really out of line, I use Direct Physical communication: “You need to check your bitch attitude right now”.

Sometimes if she is really out of line, I use Expressive Emotional communication: “I need a more joyful wife to be around.”

But mostly? I just STFU. And look at her. And she feelz it.

And sometimes if she is really out of line, I take her upstairs and fuck the bitch out of her. Pretty wild to say that, but anger fucking hits her right in the feelz. Maybe the hamster is afraid that I might be out there fucking other women or I am doing something that might make me a faggot. Or some weird woman reason that I don’t give a fuck about. Who cares? She needs to feel her man. That? I don’t mind doing for her. I do love her afterall.

My method is to STFU and show her by giving it to her where it counts.

Transitioning this communication style to the bedroom:

I’ve already written how to transition women into the bedroom if you have a depressive and anxious wife, and it still applies, but this timely post in r/askMRP asking how to praise a woman caught my attention.

Remember how I said that I shut the fuck up most of the time? What if she is doing something that I like instead of something I dislike?

Praise, always praise. The feminine grows through praise. But how do I praise her with the communication method that I use?

Well, I praise her with me. My cock. A lay on my chest. A squeeze from behind. My body. My imagination in the bedroom. Am I score-boarding? No. When she tries a new recipe, wears a sexy new dress, finds a way to flirt with me that gets me excited, or fixes her hair differently it invokes within my masculine core an attraction to the value that she brings to my life and at the center of that core is a spark of genuine desire. It is ignited with my acceptance of her gift, I embrace it, and fuel it so that it may grow. I choose to both accept her gift of doing something to seek praise, and I give to her freely my own cerebral thoughts, my core, unsaid, often in the form of a good ravishment. My woman’s ultimate desire is to be chosen by a high value man over and over.

Learn to praise your woman without words. Enjoy the discovery of unique ways to praise her covertly that originate from your own desire to do so. Watch her blossom into a woman that will crawl through glass to get a taste of that praise – and give it to her just freely enough from your own abundance that she knows there is always one more taste. One more drop.

Rarely do I open my mouth to tell her I like the things she does.

Mostly I STFU. Instead I covertly provide those feelz to her in the form of my own sexual desire and imagination. I am the prize, and her greatest source of validation. We’re both playing the long game. Gotta let her win sometimes.