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[–]bananabananabananas 132 points133 points134 points 11 years ago (46 children) | Copy Link
I'm sorry I know I'm going to get downvoted for this but it needs to be said - This is some grade A, immature, high school bullshit and it's just as bad as the games women play that we guys always complain about.
This may help you get girls but it will make women laugh at you. And its no way to begin a relationship, like an actual, caring, partner-for-life relationship.
Number 4 is good, but remember communication is key and never be judgmental or she'll never open up to you again about things she might want to try.
Number 3 is caveman idiocy. You dont have a 'role'. This isnt a play or a movie. Yes, youre the man, but youre the man because youre A man, so do what comes naturally. Pay attention to the woman youre with and respond accordingly. Dont worry about looking weak or needy - just dont BE weak or needy.
Number 2 is about the stupidest thing I've ever read. Its going to guarantee you get into shitty relationships because only damaged little girls would ever put up games like this. Here's all you need to know. If someone disrespects you, remain calm - remember youre a man and not a needy little boy - and tell her its unacceptable for her to treat you poorly. If she cant accept that, shes got some growing up to do and you should wish her well and depart. Do not ever TEST her, Cologio
Number 1 isnt too far off, confidence is key. In everything, not just relationships or getting laid. But this is a relationship, not a contest and you shouldnt be afraid to be a little vulnerable in front of her. Its OK to be afraid of losing her - just remember that if you do, youre going to be OK. If she's valuable its only natural to not want to lose her. It'll help you to remember to keep putting in effort
Dont be desperate, because you arent desperate.
This whole thing reads like a list of how to pretend to be a grown-up man. Dont pretend. Just be a man and be confident enough to trust in the person youre with.
[–]gabriot 30 points31 points32 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
So if gender roles don't exist, why does a man always, and I mean always have to be the one out there putting themselves on the line taking the initiative for everything?
[+]bananabananabananas -8 points-7 points-6 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I didnt say gender roles dont exist. I said dont be beholden to them. You will likely fulfill the 'role' of man in the relationship because you (probably) ARE a man. Not because you and your girlfriend have actively divided up the responsibilites like a chore chart. You take the initiative on things because thats how you get what you want.
[–][deleted] 44 points45 points46 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
white knights to the rescue!!!!!!!!!!!!
[–]HoundWalker -2 points-1 points0 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Would these be the Knights you're referring to ?
"Hospitaller Knights were still monks, and continued to follow their vows of personal poverty, obedience, and celibacy."
http://historymedren.about.com/od/hospitallers/p/hospitallers.htm
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
totally agree with everything, except you seem to be giving advice for a healthy relationship. this subreddit is about seduction, not healthy relationships. however i suppose your point is still valid since the OP called these rules for a relationship, not seduction.
but yeah, if you have to pretend to be anything in a relationship, youre not with the right person.
[–]bananabananabananas 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
well said.
[–]Drizzle055 5 points6 points7 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I think number 2 is important, in terms of you need to be respected by your partner and you need to respect your partner. But I do agree that the example OP gives to make sure he is respected is not good.
I have been in a relationship where my GF had little to no respect for me, it did not go well.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago* (8 children) | Copy Link
Dont pretend
You have to start by pretending.
The way it works is you start by pretending the good habits are natural to you, until they become ingrained in yourself. By then, the good habits come as natural without pretending to do them.
By telling someone "don't pretend" you're effectively eliminating the starting path to being a natural.
[–]bananabananabananas -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
No you don't, man. Look I understand the whole 'fake it til you make it' thing. It's good policy. But that's for the details, the minutiae.
The core of a man is confidence, I believe. I'm betting you believe this too. And that confidence comes from being assured that your goals will be reached in the long run. Now if your goal is to bang one specific girl or be in a long-term relationship with one specific girl, then you're going to have a hard time with this.
However, if your goal is to find someone you like to be in a relationship with or just to get laid more, then it's simply a matter of choosing to be confident and indifferent.
To put it bluntly - there are plenty of women out there. More than half the world. You're GOING to get at least a few of them. Maybe not the HB10 cheerleader that everyone's after who never gives it up (maybe, though) but definitely someone you meet, like, and discover things in common with.
My epiphany came when I was 13. I entered high school, started meeting lots of new girls I liked and wanted to spend time with and got annoyed when one of them might not have immediately fallen in love with me. It hit me that there were literally 1,500 girls, just in my high school alone. I kept my eyes open, was friendly to everyone, had a little bit of game and ended up as one of four freshmen at the prom that year. Because I was confident that I was worthy of their attention.
If I'm speaking to you (and I suspect you might already be past this point) then my advice is to pound that into your head until that switch flips. That you have value, that she's going to see worth in you because there's lots of it and if she doesn't, then she's an idiot. That she SHOULD want you. Over and over again until you believe it so much its coming out of your pores.
Then fake everything else until you make it.
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
The core of a man is confidence, I believe.
Confidence comes from external input. Before true confidence can be achieved, you have to fake it.
Read M3's story http://whoism3.wordpress.com/2012/11/17/confessions-of-a-reformed-incel/
I suspect you might already be past this point
Yep. Notch count at 22 currently. Steady rotation of 3 (as of this week).
I have a blog: http://theislander829.wordpress.com (haven't posted in a while, though)
My twitter: www.twitter.com/theislander829
I've read every single Roissy post ever made, read Bang, The Mystery Method, and The Game.
[–]bananabananabananas 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I just read the M3 thing. Well written and honest and funny, but I disagree wholeheartedly with the assertion that confidence come from without. Confidence absolutely comes from within. External input only serves to reinforce what you already know - That you're a bad-ass motherfucker, Jules.
As far as notch counts go, I fucking hate notch counts, I think theyre silly, and a sign that youre interested in being more of a PUA than in a relationship. Which is fine. But this discussion was about relationships not hook-ups. But for the record, I've got at least triple your score, though never more than 2 at once. I was usually a serial monogamist and proud of it.
As far as the other posts you mention, I'll say the same thing - those are about picking up girls, not about forming a solid relationship. If this post was about 4 Rules for Picking Up Chicks, I never would've even responded. Apples and oranges, my friend
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Confidence absolutely comes from within.
I'm just saying what I did, and what I did was start off pretending until everything just came out naturally.
more of a PUA than in a relationship. Which is fine.
I don't like relationships. It's kinda hard to keep true to 1 girl. Not for me.
I've got at least triple your score, though never more than 2 at once.
Nice! Why not? You can easily, easily have a 2-3 girl rotation.
not about forming a solid relationship
A solid relationship will come once she's 100% devoted and obsessed with you. There's no other way, you either have the control or she does. Roissy writes a ton about relationships.
Well, then you took the long way to get to the same result. Most people do. Your long way probably wasnt as long as others, but its all about flipping that switch.
Clearly. Which is fine. But this thread was about relationships
I appreciate the vote of confidence, but like I said, I'm married now, for 9 years. Don't get me wrong, I do miss the hunt (and the strange), but the benefits massively outweigh the costs.
This is where you're wrong. Youre probably better at being a PUA than I ever was. But trust me when I say that you are 100% off the mark on this one. Obsession is not a relationship. It's a good way to get a steady repeat performance with a hook-up, but its not a real relationship. Maybe youll change your mind one day. Most guys do. And when you do I hope you forget 90% of what youve read in this sub regarding relationships.
What you're describing is dependency. It'll keep her faithful, but eventually it sucks because you'll be married (or whatever) to half a person, someone who has no self-worth. I dont want to be with someone with no self-worth. You dont either.
[–]Bhorzo 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
A solid relationship will come once she's 100% devoted and obsessed with you.
Devotion is good, obsession isn't really. Someone who is 100% obsessed generally doesn't offer much. They're probably obsessed because their value is so low compared to mine. But then why would I waste my time on people with such low value? If I'm with someone who is 100% obsessed with me, then that's a sign that I should probably raise my standards.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
because their value is so low compared to mine.
Value is relative. To one girl you could be a loser, and to another you could be a greek god. Even if both girls are comparably attractive, you'll still get two different outcomes. Everyone is different.
What I'm saying is relationship stability is founded on desire, not a pre-negotiated set of conditions. Enough desire will make her yield to your reality. If you find yourself yielding to hers, you've lost, and she'll start losing respect for you.
[–]Bhorzo 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Desire is great. 100% obsession is not so much. It's a bit creepy. But maybe you didn't mean to use the typical definition of the word "obsession".
If a girl tells me that her value is so very much below mine, then I will take that information and use it... to leave her and find a more valuable girl. She just saved me a shit-ton of time! I don't have to figure out on my own that she has low value, instead she shared it with me directly.
[–]whitewater09 10 points11 points12 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I initially stopped reading halfway into number 2, but I thought I'd check out the comments to see if anyone else felt similarly. Glad I did. And after reading the rest, I have to agree with both your point-by-point assessment and your general conclusion.
[+]bahji -12 points-11 points-10 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
ditto, it was so relieving to read this comment.
[–]BenjaminTalam 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Thank you for shutting down number 3. I'm sick and tired of being told about my roles and what I'm supposed to do as the man while at the same time everyone fights for gender equality. Can't have it both ways. I'm either the big strong man that's supposed to protect the woman and make the first move while the woman does nothing but accept or deny me or she's my equal and we're both free to make our own choices about who hits on who, who plays what role, etc.
[–]Zuke88 15 points16 points17 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
silly boy, gender equality is for women
[–][deleted] 7 points8 points9 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah. Problem is one is attractive and the other is quite the opposite.
I can be as kind to the lion as possible - it'll still have the urge to kill me.
What I'm trying to say is that there's no choice in attraction.
[–]binarypolitics -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Hate to say it, your advice is 100% tailored to beta males.
In summary, you've said "Be very good at faking and hiding the insecurities that come natural to your type. Be in constant denial about the natural tendencies of the opposite sex."
You need to come to grips with the fact that OP made a shit post, and you made an even shittier reply. Natural attraction and it's affect on the gender roles in any serious relationship is not something that can be taught. A man is either the carpet in a relationship, or he isn't. That isn't determined by anything other than what the man naturally is and what he chooses in a mate.
Betas can, and often do, find meaningful relationships with the opposite sex. You'll notice they are happy when they stop trying relationships with women that can obviously do better. It's a high school and college phenomena, when betas are still in denial or unable to clearly see their strengths and limitations as a man. Many of them chose a cycle of unhappiness and abuse by pairing with a mate that settles for reproductive purposes. I think that's great. Many of them are fine with walking on egg shells and being the carpet in the relationship for the purpose of holding on to the unwritten companionship contract with endless clauses.
I'm just here to tell you, alpha's don't have this problem, and beta's with a shred of intelligence won't have it either. Hope this helps.
[–]bananabananabananas 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well I appreciate the 'help' but I think you've missed the point of everything I've said. You can choose to believe this or not, but I'm about as far from beta as it gets. However, I am also in my 30's, I've had multiple relationships last for over a year and I've been married for 9 years. I was decent at picking up women when i was single. I was excellent at relationships and still am. I dont give advice on how to be a pick-up artist. This however, is my wheelhouse.
In no way shape or form did I ever say or imply that anyone should hide their insecurities. In fact just the opposite. What I said was, if you're comfortable in your own manhood, you wont HAVE those insecurities.
You seem to think in very black & white scales - alpha / beta, man's role / woman's role, doormat / dominant. These tropes might be relevant when first meeting someone, but I can tell you with absolute certainty that they fade the longer you get to know someone. A beta male in one group can absolutely be alpha as fuck in another group.
My post was simply pointing out the immaturity of this whole thing.
Hope that helps back :)
[+]Constant_Thinker -7 points-6 points-5 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well said. OP is suffering from emotional immaturity
[–][deleted] 11 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]itsmevichet 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Women enjoy their men to be a bit vulnerable
I'll disagree with you there.
Vulnerability is acceptable, but it's rarely a positive, unless it results in a shared experience where the vulnerability gets worked out.
[–]Bhorzo 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Vulnerability can help build trust. Trust can improve relationships.
[–]itsmevichet 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Vulnerability can help build trust. Trust can improve relationships
Yes, I mentioned that here:
Vulnerability is acceptable, but it's rarely a positive, unless it results in a shared experience where the vulnerability gets worked out
However, just because it CAN build trust doesn't mean it WILL.
Vulnerability is called vulnerability because it's vulnerability. If you help someone get over a vulnerability, that's a huge bond, yes. A huge reward for a huge risk.
The draw of vulnerability is the bond that can be created in its resolution, not the vulnerability itself.
Vulnerability is also a scale. You mentioned this. There's "I'm insecure about my job." That's fine. It's a "bit vulnerable." A woman won't mind that. And then there's "I feel like everyone's judging me all the time and it makes me act like a dick to everyone." No sane woman would go for that.
The key point is that vulnerability should appear like salt over eggs: sparingly. Too much kills the dish.
I agree. Vulnerability helps to make someone not appear 100% perfect. It's difficult to trust someone who appears to have no flaws and have no weaknesses.
I don't believe the vulnerability has to be overcome, however. Just the fact that it exists can strengthen the dedication and devotion of the other person.
[–]itsmevichet 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It doesn't have to be, but the trust builds a lot more when the vulnerability is overcome. It's a product of both people having empathically invested in each other.
Not saying you need to be going around solving other people's problems for them to trust you... just that with vulnerability, that's a key way to build trust (assuming the person is open to being helped).
Fair enough.
[–]Graphitetshirt 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Its not hard to be better than a douchebag. Any girl who chooses a douchebag over a decent guy is whatever the female equivalent of a douchebag is and you should thank whoever you pray to for dodging that bullet. Take comfort that she eventualy left that Douchebag for an even doucheier guy 6 weeks later, too
And as to your opinion on Number 1, I think youre right. Basically a real man, a confident man isnt afraid of showing someone how he feels.
Finally I'd like thank my parents and friends for all their support as I set the record for the most times anyone has ever said the word 'douchebag' in one comment. There! I just broke my own record again!
[–]Lok_Die -5 points-4 points-3 points 11 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
Not really sure where you get your data, but women are sexually mature. Girls are not.
Girls are concerned with barbie. women are concerned with power.
[–]bananabananabananas 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
thats the stupidest thing Ive ever heard, "women are concerned with power". grow up.
[+]Lok_Die -7 points-6 points-5 points 11 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Really? The dumbest thing you've ever heard is " women are concerned with power "
What are women concerned with then maestro?
[–]bananabananabananas 4 points5 points6 points 11 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
theyre people you idiot. Theyre concerned with the same shit you are. Well maybe not you, but the same shit an emotionally mature man is. They are not power-hungry succubi.
Look, this subreddit is great for picking up women, but terrible at giving relationship advice and its precisely because of bullshit posts like this one, bullshit rules like "women are only concerned with power so never tell them you love them first" and bullshit people who get laid by 80 different women a year and never have relationships that last longer than a month.
If you want a relationship, stop worrying about what women want. find one you like and and concern yourself with what she wants
[–]Lok_Die -4 points-3 points-2 points 11 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Personally, i think notches are a bit pointless.
Even roosh will tell you, fucking american women is like hunting obese pigs, not that hard.
I actually go for superflags in latin countries. Due to how warm and beautiful the women are.
But hey, this is seddit, and you assume i live here like you do.
Because it seems to me that you lurk here, whiteknigthing about women, hoping that you'll find some way to make women love you the way you love them.
Hold on to your butts.
It isn't going to happen.
[–]bananabananabananas 3 points4 points5 points 11 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
yeah.... I'm not going to get defensive because, because frankly you're not a real challenge. But I am going to correct you. Because you need it almost as much as OP.
Yes, I lurk. I'm not interested in picking up women anymore. I'm in my 30s, I've had multiple relationships last over a year and I've been happily married for 9 years. I was decent at picking up women when i was single. (I agree with you that notch counts are ridiculous but just to offer credentials, mine was about mid-70's before I hung up the gloves) I was excellent at relationships and still am. I dont give advice on how to be a pick-up artist. This however, is my wheelhouse. I lurk because I enjoy the field reports mostly, and I dont comment on posts that offer advice on how to pick up girls.
I do however offer advice, usually through a PM, when people have questions or posts about relationships which is what this post was about.
You say whiteknighting because you think relationships are adversarial. Picking up women is different than being in a relationship. You vomit up the lessons youve leared here without context of how to apply those lessons or how they make your life better. You only have knowledge of how to get people to sit on your dick. I have no idea if this knowledge is working. I suspect better than it should, but not as well as you like to pretend.
I'll reiterate - if you want to learn how to pick up women, seddit will help you. If you want to learn how to be in a real relationship, this is the wrong place to come for advice. You can call me names if you want, I dont mind. But this was a thread about relationships and the rules are different. I feel like I'm saying this a lot but - apples and oranges, man.
[–]Lok_Die -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
The thing you seem to be discounting is the fact that a majority of american women these days don't know how to form a team in a relationship.
The idea with relationship game these days is to wrest control away from her, so you can establish a team dynamic with you in the leadership role. Since it seems that women are no longer taught how to operate positively in a relationship.
Now, for someone who hasn't played the dating game in a decade you might not realize how hostile an environment things are these days.
[–]bananabananabananas 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
You're generalizing, which is lazy, and making excuses, which is sad. Someday, hopefully, you'll evolve past the need to "conquer your foe" and realize that the games you're playing are just as bad, if not worse, as the games you accuse women of playing.
[–]Lok_Die 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Generalizations only work if they are true. And i think you're taking a cop out saying i'm lazy.
You obviously haven't seen the way the dating scene is in the better part of a decade.
Things have changed quite radically, forging a strong relationship is close to impossible with american women unless you're willing to date mormons.
[–]Felosele 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Some rules that may help you: Here.
[–]la_capitana 6 points7 points8 points 11 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
Just curious- why the "don't tell her you love her until she tells you first"?
[–]quiet_wish 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It is one of Roissy's "commandments", and I suspect that's where OP got the idea.
[–]redzky[S] 6 points7 points8 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
because they won't appreciate it as much.
[+]la_capitana -7 points-6 points-5 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
That's kind of generalizing, right? Not all women react/behave the same just like not all men react/behave the same. I just think the relationship might get stuck because you don't want to risk telling her you love her. Love is all about risk.
[–]Zuke88 6 points7 points8 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
it will make you look needy
[+]Ledatru -8 points-7 points-6 points 11 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
It's protection against making yourself look vulnerable
If you say the 3 words first n she agrees then its fine
[–]pepe_noel_roni 4 points5 points6 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It is not protection from making yourself look vulnerable. You never "look" vulnerable, you either "are or you aren't" vulnerable. If you aren't vulnerable, then she will not trust you and your relationships or attempts at pick up will Fail. Here is why You "never" say I love you first. To protect yourself from reverting back to neediness. You might as well just say "I love you, so can you please acknowledge that i said that and that you love me back too so then I will be ok?" Say I love you when you want to. If it comes from the heart she'll return the gesture. Or not. Who cares.
[–]la_capitana 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah but what if she's also waiting for you to say those words...you all may be waiting for a long time to get to the next stage of the relationship.
[–]Graphitetshirt 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Thats pussy talk, boy. you need protection, get a rottweiler.
[–][deleted] 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
yeah, it was a joke. please dont take a offense to it. I just thought 'rottweiler' sounded funnier than 'shotgun'.
You have to admit, it's a better visual if someone points a rottweiler at you than a shotgun
[–][deleted] -4 points-3 points-2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
IME vulnerable is good and often very attractive all on it's own. Needy and clingy are bad.
[–][deleted] 11 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 11 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]redzky[S] 4 points5 points6 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That's why it's important to set boundaries early on.
[–]itsmevichet -2 points-1 points0 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
You could also... I dunno, get a girl who's more interested in you?
I dunno why so many guys feel the need to try to "modify" a woman's behavior. If she's flirting with other guys, she finds them attractive or at least pleasant to talk to.
And if she's doing it in front of YOU, then it means she don't like you much, dawg.
So, again, why are you trying to hang onto a woman who don't like you too much? Best case scenario she's playing you, worst case scenario, you need to work on becoming someone who's worth hanging onto.
This "checking" thing addresses a symptom, not the cause. The cause for your girl flirting with another guy is lack of interest in you. If it's gotten to a point where she thinks she can do it in front of you, you've become her social parachute and she's already ready to leave you for someone better - the situation is irrecoverable.
I have no idea what is going on in your relationship, dude, but based on the little bit you just told me, it's not gonna work, and YOU'RE the one sticking around.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I'd argue lack of respect is making her lose attraction to him.
So, again, why are you trying to hang onto a woman who don't like you too much?
Checking her behaviour would increase respect and bring back attraction.
This "checking" thing addresses a symptom, not the cause. The cause for your girl flirting with another guy is lack of interest in you.
Because he's letting her walk all over him and not reacting when she's flirting with others. He's dead weight without value.
the situation is irrecoverable.
False.
[–]redzky[S] 3 points4 points5 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
right on
Tell the girl that you don't like it and if they choose to continue then you don't think it is going to work out.
[–]IAmAPhoneBook 4 points5 points6 points 11 years ago (25 children) | Copy Link
There's definitely some useful advice in here.
*This also includes 'her' telling you that she thinks another guy is cute, flirting with another guy, thinking that you always have to pay for her when you go out, etc.(Don't let them get away with any of these!)
But I would point out that this could easily conflict with not wanting to appear needy. It's appropriate to think about how to best handle the situation.
I can tell you right now that some girls will (obviously) do some of these things in order to gauge your reaction. The important thing is to try and understand that many times this is just a way for your new girl to figure out boundaries and discern how possessive/needy you are in a relationship dynamic.
My first girlfriend did it to me the first night we went out to as a couple, with some friends. We went to a big house party and for the 3-4 hours we were there, she didn't give me any attention at all. She hopped around, chatting up guys and getting chatted-up by guys. Her best friend asked me how I felt about the situation and pointed out to me that she was being fairly transparent with her actions. I think that saved me some face because once I started thinking about all of it as just a way for her to screen me further, I didn't really feel any frustration.
Just let them be and... I won't say act like you don't care-- but act like you don't notice/are too distracted by other interests to care.
[–]FallFromALowHeight 21 points22 points23 points 11 years ago* (10 children) | Copy Link
I don't agree. If a woman is flirting with other guys or other females, that's disrespectful. You might gain respect in her eyes by not saying anything about it. But a good woman doesn't test you like that. A good woman doesn't try to knock you down to see how you will react. She doesn't show interest in other guys while you show disinterest and convince yourself you're not a cuckold.
Instead of shutting your mouth and letting her disrespect you again, after the party, you tell her calmly that she disrespected you and that you don't appreciate it, that it makes you look weak and makes you two not look like a couple. If she dismisses the behavior as minor and you don't have the balls to end it, then you will be dealing with games like this for the life of your relationship with her. From that point on, it's on you.
Don't think that the flirting with other people is a normal behavior for a good woman. It isn't. If all you want to do is fuck this woman, then put up with it. But if you are looking for a long-term relationship, this is a shit test that you lose by playing along.
[–][deleted] 7 points8 points9 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
A good woman doesn't try to knock you down to see how you will react. She doesn't show interest in other guys while you show disinterest and convince yourself you're not a cuckold.
Powerful message right there.
[–]redzky[S] 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I agree
[–]itsmevichet 3 points4 points5 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Why is this even a discussion after a first date?
A girl doesn't get three strikes from the outset. She earns that shit. The only time I will ever consider discussing anything with a girl crass enough to try to bag other guys while I'm watching is... oh wait, never. I just leave. Because there's girls in LINE waiting.
Has no one here ever heard of spinning plates? Christ.
You're not off the mark, dude. But you're still addressing the same problem that everyone else is here: how to deal with a shitty woman.
Stop dealing with shitty women!
[–]FallFromALowHeight 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
I agree with you. After posting it, I thought about some of the things I left out of that post that would disagree with having a discussion with her about this at all.
The most important of those is that you can't change a person. If you feel they need "instruction", she's not for you.
So excellent point.
I think what you said needs to be repeated more often. This community talks about shit tests and how to pass them. Those shouldn't be called shit tests, though. They should be called shitty woman tests. And if the woman gives you one, she fails and you move on.
[–]IAmAPhoneBook 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
I never said I stayed with her, mates.
That relationship didn't last long, precisely because of immature behavior such as this.
My point, however, was that I didn't let the moment get the best of me. I remained calm and refused to treat it like a big deal. Because it wasn't. It was merely the beginning of a series of signs which would culminate in my understanding that she didn't deserve me.
[–]ARealSocialIdiot 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
But a good woman doesn't test you like that.
The problem is that people view this kind of thing as a test. I flirt with EVERYBODY. Girls, guys... flirting is just one of those things that I do. It's not done as some kind of test to make sure that the girl I'm with is... I dunno. I just naturally have a flirtatious personality.
If I'm with a girl and she flirts with other people, so what? I know she's coming home with me at the end of the night. I'm not threatened by her having fun with other people because I know that I'm intelligent, funny, and good in bed, and she knows that too. By acting all jealous I'm only serving to create an adversarial position where there wasn't one before.
[–]FallFromALowHeight 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Flirting is friendly with a sexual component. If you're just friendly, that's not flirting.
If you flirt with everyone, then it makes sense you'd be comfortable with your girlfriend also flirting. That works for you so keep with it. You sound like you know the type you need.
For most people, male or female, flirting is a sign of dissatisfaction or disrespect. Feeling that way about flirting is reasonable, as is wanting someone with the same values.
In the case of the OP, the girlfriend was most likely being disrespectful. So even if it wasn't a test, it was a sign -- as itsmevichet pointed out -- of a shitty person.
well put
[–]Wrangler13 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Upvote for you...down vote for this post OP. No serious women will flirt and play games like this.
Story time: Everyone at the party knew I was with this girl - let's call her Amy. We'd been seeing each other for about 4 weeks and it was about to get very serious. Well, I never saw how she really was around the party environment - we had only been seeing each other privately and this was our first "party" to go out together to. The entire night we're having fun and I'm ignoring her being friendly with guys. I figure it's a w/e thing and I'm sure I do it casually with girls too. About an hour or two of not seeing her I notice she's out in the corner (outside party) talking to the same guy. I come over to say hi and meet her new friend and ask her if she wants to join me and be my partner in a drinking game. Her response: "thanks..but I'll join you in a bit. You go ahead." That's when I immediately said to myself this is not the girl. Clearly, I was being treated as a stepping stone for her to stand on while she finds another rock. Regardless, I was approached by another one of our good friends later (who was a REAL women, by definition above) and I told her everything ended for what reasons I just gave. Not sure if she respected my answer, me, or was just into me the entire time, but we ended up suddenly making out while talking (away from the crowd) and eventually dated for 6 months before she had to go back home (abroad). I swear, i would have married that girl.
Anyways, the point of my rant: Guys, don't settle for these foolish games (this applies to girls too, especially). A woman (and man) will play you if you give them the chance. Not all of them, but trust your inner instincts. By "put her in her place" it doesn't mean be aggressive and controlling. It's simply putting someone in check... and at the same time it's putting yourself in check too. These girls that play these games are not worth it. You think they'll suddenly stop flirting with guys after they see that you're okay with it? Maybe the first 100 times nothing will happened when she flirts w/guys..but wait til 101. Eventually, you're just going to lose her for something better and you will be thrown aside.
*excuse my poor english.
[–]surim0n -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
agreed
[–]whatknockers8 points 11 years ago [recovered] (12 children) | Copy Link
My boyfriend has mastered 1 and 2. After several years I still haven't figured out where the boundaries lie exactly because I don't actively test them, but it can be confusing.
He's actually mastered all 4 of these things. No wonder he's had me wrapped around his finger for so long.
nice
[–]jookato 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
After several years I still haven't figured out where the boundaries lie exactly because I don't actively test them, but it can be confusing.
Would you really need to "test" something like flirting with another guy in front of him?
[–]whatknockers -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
No, but after 3 years together in the same neighborhood (university), we're currently long distance as of a few months ago and will be for the foreseeable future (he's in the military now). I like to be very honest and open about things. Since my move, I find a lot more guys hitting on me than before and I mentioned it to him. Did not go well. I was kind of looking for comforting (being objectified more frequently isn't always fun), not looking to upset him.
I sometimes tell him when I have plans with friends from work, several whom are guys (I'm an engineer, so guys outnumber women), sometimes not. I'd rather just tell him everything, as I know that I'm not doing anything inappropriate and that it has no bearing on my relationship with my boyfriend, but that's what I mean by I don't fully understand the boundaries.
[–]jookato 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Sooo.. whenever a man hits on you, he's objectifying you, huh? Come on now.
[–]jookato 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good thing she wasn't talking about Seddit and people here labeling her on the 1-10 scale. She equated men approaching her in the real world to men objectifying her, and that's just bullshit.
[–]whatknockers 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
No, not all of them. A large subset of those hitting on me are objectifying and those individuals wear on me. It's not men asking me out that really gets to me, as I can politely turn them down, and all is well. It IS the objectifying ones that do bother me--the whistling and people saying "I love you" as I pass them, those who react to my turning them down by calling me a bitch and being aggressive to the point where I need to leave a bar, or who harass me at work to the point where I can't do my job. THAT is what wears on me. I can handle being asked out, but it's not respecting my answer or the public attention that gets old.
That's why I really like the seddit community; it helps me remember that all "courting" isn't so fucked up!
[–]jookato -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Here's Wikipedia's definition of "objectifying": http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_objectification
Sexual objectification refers to the practice of regarding or treating another person merely as an instrument (object) towards one's sexual pleasure ... Objectification more broadly is an attitude that regards a person as a commodity or as an object for use, with little or no regard for a person's personality or sentience.
The problem with moaning about men "objectifying" you is that they're biologically wired to do so, just like you're biologically wired to "objectify" Ryan Gosling.
It's pointless to complain about anyone "objectifying" anyone when everyone does it, or at least something that constitutes objectification to someone's mind somewhere.
A guy whistling at you is not some vile act of objectifying you, it's just a failed attempt at getting you to talk to him so that he could maybe have sex with you later on.
But you're on Seddit, so you should know how attraction works - both for men and women. Besides, Ryan Gosling could whistle at you and make lewd remarks too, and you'd throw yourself at him anyway.
[–]whatknockers 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Alright, thanks for the dictionary definition. I see where you are coming from, but that doesn't mean it isn't annoying. If you refer back to my original use of the word, that was really my point. It was getting to me, and that's why I had talked to my boyfriend (that whole security thing talked about in the original post? That's why I went to him with it).
Hot guys whistling and making lewd marks are still obnoxious at the end of the day. I don't think you're really getting it. I'm not saying all attention is bad and that men are supposed to ignore women, but the increase in attention I've been getting since I moved can at best be flattering, at worst make me wonder for a second if everyone thinks that the impact I'm supposed to have on the world is to be something to ogle. I'm very tempted to be facetious here and ask for forgiveness for wanting to do something more than just look pretty, but I don't really think that's productive. So I'll just leave it by saying although biologically females might have been wired to look pretty and respond to cat calls by men, but I feel like I have a bigger purpose and I don't really appreciate it all the time. I hope that makes some sense.
[–]jookato -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
If you refer back to my original use of the word, that was really my point.
If you refer back to your original use of the word, you'll find that you only equated approaching you with "objectifying" you, without offering any details or further explanation.
the increase in attention I've been getting since I moved can at best be flattering, at worst make me wonder for a second if everyone thinks that the impact I'm supposed to have on the world is to be something to ogle.
The increase in the attention you've been getting is certainly a mysterious phenomenon, and one that most likely has nothing to do with you moving to a different neighbourhood, unless, of course, you moved from a white area to a latino/black one.
But if you want less attention, you should wear less revealing clothes.
The ones whistling and hollering at you are the most "primitive" ones anyway, so dress in a plain/drab way, and don't put on make-up, and you'll find that they'll stop. Instead, you'll likely get more attention from the kind of guys society (outrageously misleadingly) tells us you'd appreciate.
[–]whatknockers 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Thanks for being honest about your antiquated POV so I can quit wasting my time. I don't really want or need your opinions on this matter, nor was I asking for them. I was merely explaining myself. Good luck, you need it with that kind of attitude.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think as long as you are very calm when you tell her (and I wouldn't even bring it up until later when you are both alone) something like "hey I really didn't appreciate you being all over that guy back there, imagine if I had been doing that with another girl how that would would make you feel..."
Doing this allows you to appeal to her ethos by calmly and assertively explaining your position. If she says she wouldn't have cared then that is up for you to deal with. Some guys may feel stronger about this than others. I know I personally don't have much room in my life for a promiscuous woman.
I think the most important thing here is what NOT to do. Don't rush over to her side and try to one up every guy she talks to and absolutely don't try to fight anybody or throw a hissy fit. This is why I think this kind of behavior is best to be ignored when it happens and then addressed later in private.
[–]solcross 15 points16 points17 points 11 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
This is drivel.
[–]oddfreedomstrike 6 points7 points8 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm glad someone thinks so.
[–]wanked_in_space -5 points-4 points-3 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
If you don't think that not being needy, demanding respect, and taking care of her needs aren't important, then I question whether you've ever had a relationship longer than 6 months.
[–]solcross 11 points12 points13 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Shed that ego, my friend. It will do you no favors.
[–]whorefart 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"somewhere where the sun doesn't shine" :)
[–]alwaysInSlippers 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
If you're trying to build a meaningful long term or life long relationship with someone, then I don't think the example provided in number two is the best way to handle the situation, although the overall point made is correct. A much more effective approach would be to say something like "I'm going to stop you right there, I understand you've had a bad day, and I'd love to help comfort you, but don't snap at me like its my fault, that's not fair." And then ask her about her day.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I don't think the example provided in number two is the best way to handle the situation, although the overall point made is correct. A much more effective approach would be to say something like "I'm going to stop you right there, I understand you've had a bad day, and I'd love to help comfort you, but don't snap at me like its my fault, that's not fair."
Yes, this is a thousand times more mature and direct than the high school attitude of "you disrespect me? You walk home!". This goes along with the idea of treating a girlfriend or lover as you'd treat anyone else. You'd let a friend know if he was being a jerk, you wouldn't give him stupid tests.
[–]itsmevichet 3 points4 points5 points 11 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
This isn't terrible advice at its core, but could do with better examples and context. Also, why do you keep putting quotes around "her" and "she" like she's not actually a woman?
Anyway, I would rephrase number two as "Have a backbone and stand up for yourself" rather than "Never let 'her' disrespect you." Your original statement is reactive and depends on a specific situation coming up with the woman.
If instead you're proactive, and you conduct your life in a way that exudes confidence and a certain Wu-Tang-Clan Ain't Nothin' to Fuck With vibe, even the shit testingest woman wouldn't test those limits.
Which is where I get to my next point - nowhere in this post do you talk about the kind of woman that's required to have a constructive, fulfilling, happy relationship. Actually, most of the post seems to be about how to keep a shitty woman happy.
At this point in my life, I'm finding it hard to put in effort to keep a shit-tester interested when I can, and have, just bailed and gotten a hotter, cooler, more stable girl.
You kind of touch on that in point 2, but I think the "when to bail" part of it should be at the forefront rather than an aside.
Cause, again, why are you advocating negotiating with the kind of woman who blows up at you after a bad day? Women worth dating don't do that, and yes, they exist.
[–]frogma 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think he's just using "she" because he thinks the advice can also be used by women in relationships with men.
That being said -- yeah, I think the core concepts he mentioned are decent concepts, but his way of phrasing them is kinda... off-putting.
[–]fodissin 10 points11 points12 points 11 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
You are a narcissistic fuckwad.
[–]Whisper 25 points26 points27 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
He may or may not be, but you added nothing to the discussion. If what you is not important enough to back up, it's not important enough to say.
[–]redzky[S] 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] -14 points-13 points-12 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
shut up.
[–]30303030303030 5 points6 points7 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Type that women love, what's your point?
[–][deleted] 7 points8 points9 points 11 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
/r/seduction is no longer about being a sexually attractive man who women want to be with. It's now about making sure other people always approve of you. Everyone. Always.
[–][deleted] 13 points14 points15 points 11 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
Women love narcissists, so I fail to see the problem with this statement.
To those downvoting, your downvote doesn't make it any less true. Women have a habit of being drawn to narcissists cause they generally have very high levels of confidence.
true
[–][deleted] 11 years ago* (32 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 17 points18 points19 points 11 years ago* (11 children) | Copy Link
he is telling men to stand up for themselves. if you dont do that people will walk all over you and use you and disrespect you. and so will you if your partner doesnt stand up for himself.
[–]redzky[S] 4 points5 points6 points 11 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
that's right.
[–][deleted] 10 points11 points12 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
you know what, i thought about it and i think we should actually stop this whole seduction thing and just do what woman tell us to and be like they tell us to be. nice guys and just ourselves. because that works so well.
[+][deleted] -8 points-7 points-6 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This is a shocker, I know, but it's possible to stand up for yourself without being a manipulative fuckwad
[–][deleted] 8 points9 points10 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
and where did you get the manipulative fuckwad part from?
OPs advice is to straight up tell woman not to disrespect you and if they dont, to carry through with the consequences (leaving and not puting up with it).
[–][deleted] 11 years ago* (6 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 11 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
i have the right to say whatever the fuck i want.
now, OPs advice is to tell woman when they disrespect you to stop disrespecting you and to leave if they do not stop. i dont understand what your problem is.
[–][deleted] 11 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 11 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
What I do, is simply 'Check' them. Yea, I make it a Chess game. Let's say I pick my new girl up from work and she decides to snap at me because she had a bad day. I have no problem slightly raising my voice and telling her that she can get out of the car and walk home if she wants to talk to me like that. Of course, I am not going to make her walk but I will make her believe that I will. This draws a line and if you do things like this enough then you will notice that she will behave much better around you.
What I do, is simply 'Check' them. Yea, I make it a Chess game.
Let's say I pick my new girl up from work and she decides to snap at me because she had a bad day. I have no problem slightly raising my voice and telling her that she can get out of the car and walk home if she wants to talk to me like that. Of course, I am not going to make her walk but I will make her believe that I will. This draws a line and if you do things like this enough then you will notice that she will behave much better around you.
would you please tell me how setting a boundery is in any way manipulative ?
please quote the exact part where he advices to manipulate and explain how that can be described as manipulation, because i dont see it.
also, please explain how manipulation is wrong. we all do it all the time.
What's the use in making yourself miserable by trying to control someone like a pet?
please quote the part where he is saying that?
you know this sub is ridiculous with its idealism. what matters is what works in the real world with real people. not what SHOULD work.
[–][deleted] 11 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
ok, now how is setting a boundery abusive or deceptive?
The "check" tactic isn't actually honestly discussing with the woman how she is disrespecting you,
and op wrote
slightly raising my voice and telling her that she can get out of the car and walk home if she wants to talk to me like that.
so the only difference is that he demands to be respect and will leave her, or tell her to leave him if he doesnt.
no manipulation going on here.
My advice is to say "Hey lady, that's disrespectful and I won't let you treat me that way" and then don't
thats exactly what OP is saying
and then don't
yeah, that part is him telling her to walk if she cant talk to him properly.
Instead, it is underhandedly attempting to control her through shaming or punishment,
you are sayng that if somebody treats you disrespectfully to leave. which is exactly what OP is saying. you both are saying to punish people who disrespect you. and i dont see whats wrong with punishment.
at this point it is clear that you just argue for arguments sake and to try to "win" when you kinda say the same things OP says.
[–]Whisper 5 points6 points7 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
As a woman
This doesn't buy your opinion any special weight.
the type of girls you are talking about are too immature
I suggest you tell other women that, not him. If the majority of women are "too immature", that's hardly his fault or his responsibility, now, is it?
if you constantly feel the need to "check" your girlfriend, obviously you don't trust her
Trust is inspired, not demanded. Acting offended when you are not trusted is the act of a sociopathic con artist. Honest adults work to inspire trust, rather than whining when it isn't just handed to them.
and this is dangerously close to establishing a parent/child sort of relationship, which I'm sure works for some, but not for a self respecting, opinionated girl.
You know we call someone who is "self-respecting and opinionated" without being being mature and courteous?
Children.
Act like a child, get treated like a child.
(Actually, I must apologize to children everywhere for how I put that. Most children are far more courteous and considerate of others than the average "self-respecting and opinionated girl".)
If any guy "checked" me by telling me to get out of their car, I'd say "fuck off" and walk. I have dignity.
Don't tell me, show me. This tantrum isn't helping.
In fact, I'm at a loss to see what your ostensible point is. Your real point, of course, is that you can't stand the idea of a man having to manage a woman's behaviour, because the idea that any woman might not be an adult enough to check herself scares you.
I think we can all see why that is.
[–][deleted] 11 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
That's a bit overly simplistic. Never take anything at face value, true, but suggesting that there is no information to be gained from the words of a woman is a bit absurd.
If a fish started speaking, I'd listen. The only thing to be gained is more information.
[–][deleted] 11 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 11 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]Murmaider 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I was honestly interested in learning tips about what guys looked for, for my guy :)
yeah....you are definitely in the wrong place
/r/askmen
[–][deleted] 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points 11 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Get in a relationship with a doormat and keep telling yourself how happy you are.
It doesn't matter how nicely you try to describe it - you are describing a doormat.
And all human interaction is manipulation in some way. It's the basis of language.
exactly
She didn't say 'be a doormat', she said 'if you're with a woman who disrespects you, leave.'
legit
[–]CP_Cuddler 4 points5 points6 points 11 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I like most of this post.
Number 1, 2, and 3 are extremely important in my opinion.
I do however disagree to the "don't say I love you until she does". Yes you don't want to scary her away with neediness, but if you actually love her in what is a reasonable time frame for that kind of thing to happen, why not just go ahead and say it? Waiting for the girl to say it first might be the 'safest' route, but don't be afraid to express your feelings to your SO if you are in a meaningful relationship.
[–]Segfault-er 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This, and don't forget that she's there for you too. If you've had a bad day you can talk about it too. It doesn't take your manliness away, if anything it strengthens that emotional bond because you trust each other enough. Now, I wouldn't make a habit of it but once in a while it's fine.
[–]FuckingLoveArborDay 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
To kind of piggy-Back on you:
The "I love you" and OP's tone somewhat neglects the fact that sometimes, in a successful relationship, you have to be vounerable sometimes.
The key is saying I love you has to come from a place of strength and confidence, not neediness. It's okay to be bold and take the risk saying I love you first. In fact, it can be incredibly attractive. But you can't ask her if she loves you back or seem needy.
[–]Ledatru -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
True. I was the first to say I Love You and my relationship is fantastic
[–]surim0n 3 points4 points5 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Better you found out sooner than later
[–]Dispy657 4 points5 points6 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This is so very true, I've never had a serious relastionship, and I think the reason behind it was because I was giving the girl I liked too much attention, when the love struck me got over her i decided to do a total makeover and stopped over-caring and I immediatly saw results, I'm not saying you shouldn't care about others but do it with style and think about how you would feel if you got the same treatment, don't be scared to say no!
yep
They are usually not worth the hassle IMO. May help if they see you losing interest and moving on to someone more submissive. Depending on how much they want to keep you, then they will lighten up or just move on.
[–]pjhollow3 points 11 years ago* [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link
How does this get upvoted to the top post in the sub?
[–]frogma 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Most of the people in the comments don't appear to be seddit regulars (at least, I don't recognize 99% of the usernames). I'd assume the votes are coming from some of the same people.
Regardless, the post is at the top because of the sheer number of votes it has, even though only 55% "like" it.
[–]falxter 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My thoughts exactly!
I just lost a girl to breaking rule one a week ago.
Hardest lesson I've ever learned.
I wish this was posted two weeks earlier...
Happens to the best of us
[–]EklyM 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Ahh, so much light!
I can totally see where I went wrong in my last relationship. Thanks! Good ideas to keep in mind and to work on.
no prob
[–]nubswag 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I've just got to "Clear".
[–]rubaru 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Excellent
[–]redzky[S] 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Thanx for reading
[–]rubaru 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
useful advice. thank you
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
saved. Excellent advice
[–]redzky[S] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
anytime :)
;)
[–]cehov 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I'm gonna save this and read them every morning. Thanks!
[–]redzky[S] 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
glad you like
[–]NapalmRDT 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This sounds like rules for a child to pretend to be a man.
[–]Ledatru -4 points-3 points-2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
All pretty decent advice. Good job.
[–]la_capitana0 points 11 years ago [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link
Women like to complain because that's how they cope. Huh? Could someone elaborate?
[–]StormTAG 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This isn't limited to just women, but people often complain just to release the tension that they're dealing with.
Frustration and annoyance happen and everyone has a different way of handling it. For many, it's simply venting. Folks find a sympathetic ear, and just let out all the shit they're dealing with. Generally, they're also not looking for advice which is one way to ruin the venting (I've done it and had it done to me before.)
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
The way I think of it is, women want to be heard. They complain as a way of processing their emotions. What they don't like is for the guy to just immediately start offering solutions or invalidating their emotions.
Sometimes just saying "I hear you, babe" is all you need to say.
That's a great way of explaining it! Thanks for clearing that up
[–]EternalBlackDragon 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I've heard it like this: men talk about problems because they want to fix them, while women talk about problems because they want to have someone there that'll listen.
[–]thisisgonnabe_good -5 points-4 points-3 points 11 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
This is a perfect example of the shit that is stinking up /r/seduction.
The worst part is all these beginners reading and upvoting this crap because they think it is actually a good template to build a relationship on.
[–]Ledatru 5 points6 points7 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Elaborate please. My relationship is great and I follow some (not all) of these guidelines.
[–]thisisgonnabe_good -4 points-3 points-2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Just read the top post. That user elaborated perfectly.
[–]Von_Meowstien -5 points-4 points-3 points 11 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
It seems like you have a thing for easily manipulated women. So, just do the bare minimum to keep her there, eh? I think a better title for this post would be 4 Rules for Unhealthy Relationships.
[–]girf_the_troll -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Just a general good guideline for relationships here
Communicate.
If you have a problem, talk it out. If you want something different speak up. If you think you should try something new in bed, don't hesitate to ask.
This is a great way to get to know all the ins and outs of whomever you are with. And if you want relationships to last, communication is key.
The only real rules to follow:
[–][deleted] -4 points-3 points-2 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Example 1: Let's say I pick my new girl up from work and she decides to snap at me because she had a bad day. I have no problem slightly raising my voice and telling her that she can get out of the car and walk home if she wants to talk to me like that. Of course, I am not going to make her walk but I will make her believe that I will.
Example 1:
Let's say I pick my new girl up from work and she decides to snap at me because she had a bad day. I have no problem slightly raising my voice and telling her that she can get out of the car and walk home if she wants to talk to me like that. Of course, I am not going to make her walk but I will make her believe that I will.
I daygame'd a chick at the mall and have been dating her for a while. I would never do this to her. You sound like a self-absorbed asshole.
Not allowing your new girl to disrespect you is(kind of a test) and boundary setter for your newly forming relationship. This also includes 'her' telling you that she thinks another guy is cute, flirting with another guy
Not allowing your new girl to disrespect you is(kind of a test) and boundary setter for your newly forming relationship.
This also includes 'her' telling you that she thinks another guy is cute, flirting with another guy
My girlfriend from time to time tells me guys are cute and I tell her girls are cute. She also lightly flirts with other guys and I do the same with girls, so what?
You sound like you've never been in a healthy or stable relationship before, and you're giving advice. This must be a joke.
his advice is to set bounderies and to not let people cross them. and if they do, to stand up for yourself. its up to you to define those bounderies for yourself. you dont have to set the same as he does.
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