Boyfriend becoming less generous after several months?
87 upvotes | April 17, 2022 | by fogplum
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After a few months dating and then a few months officially in a
relationship, my boyfriend has started to ask to split the bill - a
few times in the past month. At first I was taken aback that he asked;
then I was taken aback by how often he asked - in the past month,
about half the time he paid, and half the time he asked me to split,
and 1 time I paid the dinner bill because I invited him to a
spontaneous dinner and felt I should pay since he hadn't planned for
it. Previously it was not like I never paid - I would pay for small
bills as a token of appreciation, like ice cream after dinner or
coffee after lunch (side note: I believe it was The Rules that said
paying for little things is fine). I chose to do so, I was happy to
and it felt right, and he was appreciative. Haven't had any small
bills lately.

I know he makes more than me, a moderate income, but I don't know how
much exactly as he has not told me. I also know his income is
significantly increasing soon due to a large raise and another income
source. The timing of this with starting to ask to split the bill
feels weird to me. He knows roughly how much I make (not much, I'm
working on it).

Having spent some time with him and his friends, I've realize that the
married and unmarried couples he is friends with split things 50/50
(as far as dinner bills go at least). It could be that he assumes the
natural progression of a relationship means going 50/50. This is his
first relationship.

He is so far the kindest, most attentive and considerate man I've
dated. He seems to genuinely like and respect the women in his life
(me, friends, coworkers). He's often giving little gifts/surprises to
make me happy. He's always trying to spend more time with me. My
friends like him and I like his friends. We have similar values
overall. Everything was going really well but I am feeling unsure and
resentful about this. I feel like...his generosity was not real? Or
maybe he thinks he doesn't have to treat me anymore because he knows
I'm invested now? We've been intimate but I haven't gone "all the way"
yet.

I feel myself losing attraction for him. It's disappointing spending
an hour or more getting all dolled up for a date, then splitting the
bill like friends. He tells me I'm beautiful but I don't feel like
putting in the effort to make myself beautiful anymore. He can always
tell that something is off with me but he can't tell what, and I just
tell him I'm tired.

Is there salvageable here or do I need to break up with him? I don't
want a relationship full of resentment, I don't want a partner who
eases his burden by adding to mine. Sorry this is so long, I just had
a lot to get out.

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Archived from https://theredarchive.com/post/1112371