What the fuck have I gotten myself into?
17 upvotes | October 5, 2018 | by ShitBeta
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I've been a career beta piece of shit all my life. Married 13 years,
together since college, have become more and more beta in the past two
years. My 4-year old son died of a cancer and I fucked up and got
depressed and looked to my wife for strength - big fucking mistake.
Little respect. I had started to slowly get my shit together over the
past 3 months (not being needy around her, dropping 20 lbs through
cardio though) and found MRP. Read NMMNG, MMSL, and Rational Male
within 3 days. I've never had my own internal frame, NMMNG described
me 100%. I'll start lifting in November since I have 3 business trips
out of the country with no access to a gym, but what can I do in the
short term to stop being so much a faggot and come to terms with this
new reality and starting to get unplugged from the FemMatrix. I've
stopped apologizing to my wife and have already seen some shit tests.
I have a high level of anxiety disorder/panic attacks (been to therapy
and meds) and feel a constant state of anxiousness this week (after
completing MMSL). I get anxiety even being near my wife since I think
she's going to shit test and I'll fuck it up.

Careerwise I'm killing it - make over 200k, high level leader, rising
star, etc. but homewise i suck.

I can't unread what I've read and am in a bit of a panic mode of where
the hell does life go from here? What can I do to chill the fuck out -
I think hearing from people who've gone through this helps but they're
further down the process and actually started shit. I have no safe
people to talk to, no friends outside 2 guys at work (high introvert),
so likely will rely on this forum for a lot of hand holding.

TLDR: new to this and freaking out a bit.

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Archived from https://theredarchive.com/post/203939