The CTFO Method 22 upvotes | May 5, 2016 | by CoochQuarantine ------------------------- Once in a while, I will see a post of a woman being anxious, controlly, nervous, worried about an already fucked up relationship not being magically fixed immediately after surrendering. Not only that, but when they ultimately fuck up (and we all do) they feel like the whole thing is for naught and give up. Even worse, allow their naturally shitty selves to return in full force plus some extra to boot. Well, I am here to give a bit of help in that department with some sage advice: _The CHILL THE FUCK OUT Method_ PRE-SURRENDER You may be reading RPW and starting to say to yourself “Hmmm. Maybe I might be this [shrew/harpy/bitch] that is ruining my relationship.” You might also be thinking “I’m such a horrible person how can I ever fix this?”. Well the beginning of figuring out that you can do something about your relationship being in the toilet is nerve-wracking. It is scary. It is looking in the mirror for the first time. It is actually seeing the wreckage you have cause and coming to grips with the fact that you caused it. That is not to say that men don’t create wreckage of their own. But we aren’t here to fix them. We are here to help you fix your shit. The bad news is, you can’t do anything about what you’ve already done. The past is the past. The end. PERIOD. The good news is is that you are now just a little bit more in tune with yourself and moving forward you can do something from this point forward. This moment right now. You don’t need to go on an all out rampage of “I’m sorry”s and “I’ll do better next time”s. On the contrary, Laura Doyle actually suggests to keep this information of your surrender to yourself. (If you haven’t read it… READ IT!) However, the intense sensation of fear will be there and I’m here to tell you to CTFO. This is going to be a long process and one that you will fail at. One you will stumble, bumble and fumble, BUT you will be infinitely better at being a partner if you give it an earnest shot at doing your best. Some ways you can CTFO during this phase: * Ask questions here * Read the posts here, Surrendered Wife/Single, and other comments in the posts. * Breath * Understand that you are not alone * Come to the IRC for more information INITIAL SURRENDER You have now come to terms with your part in the destruction of your relationship (however bad it may be) and you have begun to implement some of the things you’ve read and seen here on this /r/. WHY ISN’T IT WORKING???? CTFO For starters, lasting change comes over time. Nothing that ever comes quickly stays long. Have you ever seen a millionaire from the lottery remain a millionaire for very long? There might be some examples but the people who stay rich are those who worked hard for it. That isn’t to say that all people who work hard to be rich stay rich. But as I said, anything that is worth it comes through hard work. Not only that, but put yourself in your SO’s position. Your SO all of a sudden changes. WUT??? They are being nicer. Asking your opinion. Not badgering. Being more available sexually. Whatever the case may be, you would meet it with skepticism and doubt. Of course they don’t believe you! You can’t go from storm after storm to a sunny day without thinking “what if it rains again today?”. How to CTFO during this stage * Ask questions here * Read the posts here, Surrendered Wife/Single, and other comments in the posts. * Breath * Understand that you are not alone * Come to the IRC for more information MULTIPLE SURRENDERS?? Yes. You will have to practice surrendering more than once. You do not surrender one time and BAM everything is fixed and you are perfect. You will definitely fuck this up. Stressed? You might snap. Hungry? You might snap. Lonely? You might snap. Tired? You might snap. Insert any reason and you might do something you aren’t supposed to do. At this point you need to CTFO the most. We are only human and we all make mistakes. It is what you do after you make a mistake that will set you apart from the rest. Can you acknowledge you were wrong? Can you take steps to make it right? Can you work on NOT doing that thing anymore? Once you realize you have made a mistake. Own it. Move on. Surrender AGAIN. Start from square one. That is ok. We have all been there and done that. ONE OF THE THINGS I HAVE FOUND THAT HELPS IS THAT WHATEVER IT IS THAT I MESS UP ON… WHETHER IT BE LETTING MY HAMSTER RUN WILD OR NAGGING OR WHATEVER, I DO THE OPPOSITE TIMES 10. Here is a prime example. I was cleaning the house the other day and thought about how my SO was coming over and he can take the trash out (he doesn’t live with me but he helps out whenever he sees the trash or something like that so I’ve become a bit spoiled in that regard). The moment I realized I was passive aggressively going to pick a fight because I knew he might not do it, I rolled my eyes at my crazy, took the trash out, and when he stepped in the door just hugged him and told him how much he means to me. He never knew I was setting him up to do chores in a house that he doesn't live it the moment he stepped in the door. All he saw was a clean house and a happy lady at the door. Which situation would you rather live? So how do you CTFO in this phase? * Ask questions here * Read the posts here, Surrendered Wife/Single, and other comments in the posts. * Breath * Understand that you are not alone * Come to the IRC for more information CONCLUSION I think it is pretty self explanatory what you need to do but for those of you who need me to say it one more time. CHILL THE FUCK OUT. Surrendering isn’t something that happens overnight and it is definitely something worth it when you implement it correctly and over time you should definitely see a change in the relationship. Just remember to keep your side of the road clean and good luck. If you have any questions feel free to ask. Also, if you have any stories on how you CTFO please share :) ------------------------- Archived from https://theredarchive.com/post/210016