Praise Jesus - Holding Frame Is Epic
28 upvotes | June 26, 2014 | by seeking_happiness_
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Swallowed the red pill at the beginning of the year after deciding my
four-year relationship with my wife was dysfunctional (along with a
majority of relationships before her). Overall application of
principles has been great but I've had issues holding my frame when
she wants to have a fight with me. After a decade+ of being the
'appeasing peacemaker with the olive branch', I would hold frame in
the beginning but I would eventually lose it just to get the fight
over with. Until this week.

Wife started a petty argument and I held frame the first night and
left go hang out with my friends. She was pissed, of course. Talked
about "running from conflict" and all that jazz but I wasn't going to
play her games anymore. Let her cool off and fall asleep before I went
to bed later that night. Next day, came home after work and she was
clearly still wanting to fight. She eventually snapped on something
petty again and went to the bedroom alone. I waited hours - watched a
movie I had been wanting to watch, ate a fantastic dinner I had
prepared for us both, played on the PC for a bit before getting in the
bed and acting like nothing was wrong in the world. She hated it. She
tried and tried to get me to cave in to her demands and wants but I
held onto my frame throughout. I was getting to the point where I was
just tired of her being a twat and considering giving in but at that
moment - she started apologizing..... apologizing for starting petty
fights and holding me to double standards. Talking about how she was
feeling crazy and apologized for taking it out on me and expecting me
to cater to her every need. It was as if the sky had parted and God
himself was shining his beautiful truthfulness upon my bedroom....

We made up and made some very hot love. She got hungry and ate the
dinner I had made for her earlier that night. She came back and said
thank you and told me how good it was. I replied, "it would have been
much nicer hot off the stove with someone to enjoy it with". She
apologized again and we went to bed. I was giddy.

This woman has never apologized to me in a sincere manner in the
history of our relationship. While RP principles have improved my
relationship, finally holding frame throughout an entire fight is a
huge accomplishment and I instantly felt a change in dynamics and
energy with my wife. Woke up the next morning and felt that she looked
at me in a totally different way. Since then, she has treated me with
more respect and things generally have had a more even keel.

I can't thank TRP enough. I think this is a huge turning point for our
relationship. For those out there who don't hold frame - do it. Please
do it. I don't know why it works like it does, but it just works.
 
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Archived from https://theredarchive.com/post/3051