You’re dismissive. Apologize to me!
2 upvotes | January 4, 2020 | by 2wo2wo3hree
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35 yrs old, Together for 7 married for 4, one 3 year old daughter.
6’3, 207lbs, BF: 12-14%, Squat: 305 x5, OHP: 155 x5, Rows: 245 x5,
Bench: 245 x5, Deadlift: 335 x5.

(Through the rabbit hole of Steel’s detailed guide and links within,
NMMNG x2, WISNIFG, MMSLP, TWOTSM x2, BP-professor’s YouTube series.
Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins <—that’s a bad motherfucker! Give
him a listen. I do mostly audiobooks in the gym.)

My goals are to establish and hold a motherfucker of a frame in life,
eliminate my flooding, implement stoicism, covertly display outcome
independence and find the best formula for Alpha + Beta = Oak. I’m
shooting for the Family Alpha. I know it’s a long fucking shot, but
I’m going for it.

I’m with a sexually submissive woman. I’ve never paid attention
but it bleeds to our everyday dynamic. My decisiveness and leadership
has been constantly summoned for years with “What do you want me to
wear? What do you want me to cook? Where should we eat? etc.” I
failed all those by letting her decide on her own by telling her that
I don’t care. Now that I’m showing my presence and leadership in
the relationship, things have been better. I’ve been passing the
opportunities to lead the family but sometimes I hit some bumps and
it’s my fault for allowing her to be the decision maker for 4 years.

For the most part things are going good!

The issue I have is _some_ angles of frame I’m trying to hold is
offensive to my wife at times. Certain aspects of my assertiveness,
change of my ship’s course and enforcement of boundaries are
sometimes met with accusations of being dismissive.

The current marital topic RIGHT NOW is about me picking up overtime to
put money in my pocket outside our regular finances that pays most of
the bills and puts most of the food on the table. Nothing crazy. Just
ME, using MY OWN time, to work MY OWN job to put play money in MY
pocket so I don’t tap into the funds for the household. She thinks I
should also put that money in the joint account that she mainly
manages.

I’m getting both shit and comfort tests under the guise of “just
because it’s not your concern, it doesn’t mean you can dismiss
mine.” “You’re disrespecting me.” “I’ve been arguing with
myself for a day because you’ve been dismissing me.” “You need
to apologize to me.” “The way you’ve been treating/talking to me
is unacceptable.”

With the reactions I’m getting, you would think I’m having
diarrhea of the mouth. I’m not. All I’ve given are a very few
“No”, “I hear you”, “I’m not doing that”, and “I love
you, I’m moving forward from this discussion.” I also don’t
apologize anymore when she’s butt-hurt from me saying “no” or
for rocking the boat when it needs rocking.

I want some guidance on how to navigate these reactions. Especially
the complaints on being dismissive and being compelled to apologize
under the guise of comfort test. When compelled to apologize, I simply
smile and say “I’m not apologizing.” because I don’t think I
should apologizing for calmly saying “I know you disagree, but I’m
going to work extra to have extra cash in hand. It’s what I’m
going to do.” Am I handling that correctly?

With the accusations of being dismissive... I STFU and look at her
like I’m brain dead because I literally get stuck like a retard
knowing I really am being dismissive. How do/did you handle this?

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Archived from https://theredarchive.com/post/306233