Do guys with no game and no "friend game" have similar underlying issues that cause both problems?
128 upvotes | January 22, 2020 | by grandmapurp
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I see a lot of questions on here about making friends and I think a
lot of the answers aren't very helpful. "It's hard as an adult" "get
hobbies" etc. But today I was reflecting on my friendship history over
my whole life and had an epiphany about the similarity between game
and making close friends and how some basic underlying personality
issues might cause someone to be bad at both things. I'm curious to
hear what you all think.

I'm in my 40s and have no close friends because my only close friend
did some shitty things and I had to cut him out of my life. I'm a
perfectly friendly and personable guy and have lots of acquaintances
but throughout my life I've almost always only had one close friend,
and I was reflecting on why that was and what's wrong with me and I
noticed some patterns.

I think a lot of guys here with these problems were probably teased,
bullied, or made fun of at some point in childhood for being different
for whatever reason. A little odd, socially awkward, too skinny, too
fat, too tall, too short, unathletic, wrong accent, wrong race, or
your mom dressed you funny. It doesn't have to have been anything
seriously traumatic, but I think that kind of stuff at an early age
gives you social anxiety and you try to avoid interactions to avoid
getting hurt. Same thing as avoiding romantic rejection.

When I was a kid I remember thinking "that person doesn't really like
me" "they don't actually want to be friends with me" and things like
that. So I didn't make any effort to be friends and probably missed
out on being closer friends with people who actually liked me.
Basically I had "approach anxiety" because I didn't "assume
attraction".

I don't know if it's an innate personality trait or a coping mechanism
that I developed, but I'm perfectly happy being alone. So I never
developed the skills to build and maintain closer friendships. How
could I learn and get better if I wasn't actually practicing "friend
game"?

And then if I'm happy enough being alone, getting one close friend is
even better. Why bother having any other friends? It's basically a
friend version of "oneitis". And a lack of abundance. I take what I
can get because I assume nobody else will have me.

So the only close friends I had were people who made all of the effort
to be my friend themselves. Just like the only girlfriends I've had
were women who pursued me. And as a result, these weren't always the
best quality friends I could have gotten. A lot of my close friends
throughout life were oddballs, had mental health issues, or people who
did shitty things and burned all of their other bridges. People who
were kind of desperate and latched onto me. And then I would assume
that's because I'm a loser and only other losers would like me.

Having only one close friend meant I stayed too long in friendships
with shitty people who I would have bailed on a lot sooner if I had a
lot of other friends. Same thing as getting stuck in an LTR because of
lack of abundance.

What do you all think? Does anyone else relate to this?

TLDR: Fear of rejection leads to fear of approaching leads to lack of
relevant social skills and experience leads to settling for whatever
falls in your lap, oneitis, and lack of abundance.

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Archived from https://theredarchive.com/post/313240