Ask Whisper: The Fear and Shame Loop
104 upvotes | October 30, 2015 | by Whisper
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> Hey Whisper:
> How do I overcome the fear of rejection and shame?

This question is very relevant to beginners. It's one thing to talk
about bitch management, or how to pass a shit test, but there are a
lot of young men out there who cannot make themselves put one foot in
front of the other, physically walk up to a girl, open their mouth,
and speak.

Now we can Gronk! away at men like this, call them scared little
bitches or whatever, and maybe we even do some good with it, if we
make them more scared of _not_ approaching than they are of
approaching. But there is a reason why this happens.

I call it the FEAR AND SHAME LOOP.

What young men fear, when they fear approaching women, is harsh
rejection and humiliation. But why exactly do they fear this? Odds are
this woman is a stranger whom they will never see again. Why does it
matter what she thinks?

It doesn't. What these men fear is not the possible negative
consequences. THEY FEAR THE SHAME AND FEAR THEY WILL EXPERIENCE. Being
afraid _hurts_, in as real a sense as pain hurts.

When a frightened man approaches a girl, he isn't in danger of feeling
like shit if things go badly. He _already_ feels like shit, because
the fear and shame he has developed. That's the danger he is afraid
of, and it happens every time, whether he is rejected harshly, gently,
or not at all. The more afraid he is, the worse the experience is, and
the more afraid he is be next time. This is the loop... a
self-reinforcing cycle of social anxiety.

There are many approaches to beating this spiral, everything from
desensitization, to visualization, to training, to increased SMV, to
drugs... and a full-blown case may require multiple methods.

But the most important first step is the realization that the enemy is
not the girl, or the "danger" of rejection, or even his own poor
social skills.... it is the shitty feeling he has while doing the
approach.

Focus on the knowledge that the fear you are experiencing is not a
warning of greater danger ahead. It is only a warning of itself. If
you are experiencing it, and you can still hold yourself together and
function, then that's the worst it has to offer. There is nothing more
to be afraid of.

 #WHISPER

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found at the following Bitcoin address:
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Archived from https://theredarchive.com/post/37714