Just kind of... feel like I’m wasting my time.
0 upvotes | July 10, 2020 | by throwawaycunt1997
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I cannot say I am gay; I’ve never even considered having a male
relationship until this year, nor have I ever had a remotely gay
experience. Hell, my shit father didn’t even hug me growing up.
Despite this, I know I can be catty; I like makeup and chokers, and
grooming my long hair. I am 23, btw, but I look a tad younger.

I don’t have bad looks, and I’m not too concerned about my 30s.
I’m certainly not 100% gay; I want to eventually start a family with
kids and a woman. I do have a masculine side; I can present masculine;
I enjoy it as as much as my effeminate side. I like to think my
features are overall fair and pretty twinkish at this rate; button
nose, large eyes, maybe a square chin but my body and face overall is
pretty androgynous. I get told I’m good looking. Of course, I
personally wish I could look more effeminate but whatever. I have lost
quite a bit of weight since the beginning of this year from working
hard and calorie counting: 5’ 7” and floating around 130 lb. I
started this year at 145lb. Honestly, this the most attractive I’ve
ever looked; I was a nerdy fat teen.

I have a mission and drive, but I’m also stuck living at my
parents’ since they’re basically a dumbfucking christcuck boomer
and an alcoholic Karen. I’m entirely ready to cut them out of my
life permanently; every attempt to develop and explore as a person is
met with resistance. Shitfucks wouldn’t even teach me to drive, or
let me drive (I had to resort to playing girls when I was younger to
do this) and my overbearing mother keeps manipulating me and isolating
me from any attempt I make to get into a tribe or develop a
friendship; she even gets in the way of anything between me and my
father when that is going right. (Then I get mad and he backs her up)
It does not help I live in a rural area.

I honestly feel like I want to snap and just kill them both, but
obviously I won’t. I start a new job soon and I’m moving out ASAP
- they’re getting the finger and I’m abandoning them to die
entirely. I can go the rest of my life not caring whether they are
even still alive. Fuck them.

As far as my reason for posting here... I don’t know where to start.
My anxiety gets in the way of me even considering anything homosexual.
I also don’t find most men attractive. So AWALT/AGMALT, right? I
like being dominant with women, a switch female would be even cooler
but I feel that to be asking too much, but I could only consider being
submissive with a man.

If I could find one I was attracted to. Or then not letting my anxiety
get in the way. Or not picking too high above my SMV I guess. Or
basically knowing where the fuck to start with this. I am not looking
for hookups at all; I’d very much like to have a functional
relationship. I know how to take care of a home, cleaning and all.

Honestly, I’m not even sure I’m looking in the right place. I
could theoretically be looking for a man or woman, yet I’m so
disappointed with both right now. I don’t know what the fuck to do
or where to start.

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Archived from https://theredarchive.com/post/713099