Inner Peace and Serenity
22 upvotes | March 17, 2018 | by LeilaintheDark
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Hi everyone :)

I've been just itching to make a post about this because I remember in
Fascinating Womanhood, the concept of having inner serenity is highly
important in a woman, but I don't recall reading many posts about it.

Being a good cook, being sexy, not nagging are all super important,
but lately it's finally dawning on me what inner serenity means, and
how it's how crucial it is as a final piece of the puzzle.

I posted a couple of months ago about my boyfriend, and things are
still going as amazing as ever (seeing each other 5 months). I'll just
share some recent "results":

 	*
He told me he misses me in the morning as soon as he walks out the
door when I stay overnight.

 	*
There was a silly joke about getting old/dying and he said, "we all
die someday." I pouted and said "I'm not comforted," and he said "but
until then, you have me."

 	*
He's a really good person, though he's often harsh and can be
sarcastic with his male and female friends. But with me, he's so
tender, like I need to be treated with a "lighter touch."

There's so much more but I have to stop indulging myself haha. Anyway
inner serenity seemed really vague, and I think it's connected to
another part of the book/theory about making him #1 in your life. I
think that kind of feeling of awe, and "purity" and selflessness is
incredibly inspiring to a man.

Some more tangible examples of what this might look like:

 	*
One day, he got off a long day of work and we were going to play this
video game together. I was really looking forward to it, but while it
was loading, he fell asleep in my lap. I didn't think about the game
but how he worked hard, and how comfy he looks sleeping. We stayed
like that for half an hour and I thought I might as well do some work,
so I tried to replace my lap with a pillow, but he woke up. He was
surprised that it's been half and hour and asked why I didn't wake him
up, and I couldn't even think to do that. He looked so touched.

 	*
I do a bit of cleaning when he's gone to lighten his load. I'm just
mentioning this because he notices and greatly appreciates when I
cook, but he either doesn't notice, or doesn't think it's worth
mentioning when I clean. But I don't care at all, and I don't point it
out, because it's about lightening his load, not about "looking good."
Perhaps all this is normal but in my past relationships, I just did
these things to "look good in his eyes." I'm a pretty lazy person
(trying to overcome!) so I usually hate doing housework but I find
genuine pleasure when I do it for him, which was even surprising to
me.

 	*
At the core, I feel like it's not about the kind of things you do, or
being the stereotypical definition of a good girl, but accepting
yourself for who you are (not in a BP "I'm fat, oh well" kind of way)
and trying to have good and lovely intentions towards others. For
example I have a strained relationship with my mother, and I used to
lash out at her and badmouth her to others (it's a complicated
history). I'm nowhere near perfect now but I try my best to understand
and accept her for who she is, and try to imagine that being a parent
is hard, and people make mistakes. And here's an uncomfortable part of
RP, and I see a lot of women worrying about their less than pristine
sexual history. This is RP, and being chaste DOES have value, but I
believe that inner peace requires you to make peace with whatever past
you have. Mine is not crazy, but it's not like I have zero history
before meeting this man. I would rather not talk about this, but it
feels important because when I first discovered TRP, I was totally
scared and ashamed (something that a few people might relate to, based
on what I've read). And those feelings lead to lying, to manipulating,
and to a lack of inner peace and security. I've accepted my past by
understanding and empathizing with me when I was younger, with my
circumstances (including our progressively more "open" society) and
remembering some positive attributes in my mind like not taking
advantage of people and not knowingly hurting people, not dissimilar
to how I tried to empathize with my mother. Part of being accepting
and kind to others is that you also need to apply it to yourself. Once
one goes through this process, it seems like they take on a different
vibe/aura.

 	*
I usually stop whatever I'm doing (usually electronics) when he gets
in the room/close to me. It's not some rule we made up, it just felt
respectful, and I also naturally feel like he's the most important
thing in the room.

 	*
I think I actually consider his feelings more than my own. Sometimes
if we disagree on some issue and I think I'm right, I defer to him
because I just realize that being right and leading is so much more
important to him than me proving I'm right (which isn't even that
important that me). Also what is so hard about saying sorry? I often
say sorry lightly and innocently when he's just having a bad day. I
think before, I had a lot of pride if I thought I was right, I needed
to prove it. Now I'm seeing pride as more of a masculine trait. Our
language is slightly confusing as we use strengths and weaknesses to
mean positive and negative attributes, but often weakness (in the
sense of vulnerability and open trust to a select few) is a positive
attribute in a woman. (Total tangent here, but I also think that's
where we get these confusing slogans that say vulnerability is strong.
Not really, they're contradictory. But vulnerability can be a positive
attribute in certain situations!)

The other thing is that it feels like it's not just for him. When I
treat him as my #1 priority, I feel so happy, at peace, and like I've
never loved someone so much in my life. He's a great person, but also
my knowledge of psychology permits me to say that I'M responsible for
a lot of what I'm feeling. There's that study that found how if you
sit up straighter, you'll feel more confident. Basically your brain
tricks you into feeling how you act. This is so important for some
women, who get carried away with their emotions. Cognitive dissonance
will usually make how you feel conform with how you act.

Obviously this is for men whom you've already vetted, like don't just
find a random person to treat like a king haha. But the RP talks about
how women are emotional and not as loyal as men, so this feels
important to say. Perhaps sometimes what happens is that a man you've
already vetted experiences a "slump," so you become a bit more lazy in
your behavior, and your emotions soon follow. Anyway, try to remember
the good times, upkeep your behavior, and your emotions should "stick"
with your behavior for long enough to get over the slump.

He hasn't "slumped" but a couple of girlfriends have privately
mentioned to me about how he doesn't have a great career/income. I
knew this from day 1, I believe in him, and the day I agreed to start
the relationship (I've read about RP a lot by then) I decided to treat
him as the best man in the world, and weirdly enough my emotions
followed. He's the best in my eyes, and in "return," he's treated me
better than anyone I've been with before. In some ways, he treats me
better than my dad, and I have a good relationship with my dad!

Ok that's it, part of this was just me feeling giddy these days and
needing to share! But I genuinely want to hear about your experiences
and opinions about the concept of inner peace and "feminine goodness"
I sometimes read about. Thanks for reading!
 
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Archived from https://theredarchive.com/post/74438